Marriage is one of the most beautiful and sacred commitments you will ever make. It is a covenant, not just between you and your future spouse, but also with God. As exciting as engagement is, rushing into it without truly knowing your partner can lead to unnecessary struggles later on.

If you’re in a serious relationship and considering engagement, it’s important to take a step back and ask: Do I truly know the person I’m about to commit my life to? Love is essential, but it’s not the only foundation for a godly, thriving marriage.

To help you make a wise and prayerful decision, here are 20 things you should know about your partner before you get engaged:

1. Do They Have a Genuine Relationship With Christ?

Your partner’s faith in Jesus should be the foundation of their life—and your relationship. Are they truly committed to Christ, or do they just go to church because it’s expected? Look for spiritual fruit (Galatians 5:22-23) and evidence of their walk with God.

2. What Are Their Core Beliefs?

Even if you both identify as Christian, differences in theology can become a challenge. Do they believe in the authority of Scripture? How do they view God’s design for marriage and family? These conversations are crucial.

3. How Do They Handle Conflict?

Disagreements are inevitable, but how you handle them matters. Do they shut down, lash out, or seek reconciliation with grace? A partner who is willing to work through conflicts biblically (Ephesians 4:26) will be a blessing in marriage.

4. How Do They Treat Others?

Pay attention to how they treat family, friends, waiters, and strangers. How someone behaves in everyday situations says a lot about their character. Marriage isn’t just about how they treat you—it’s about who they truly are.

5. What Are Their Financial Habits?

Money is one of the top reasons couples struggle. Do they spend impulsively, avoid financial responsibility, or tithe faithfully? Are they in significant debt? Discuss finances openly before engagement so there are no surprises later.

6. What Are Their Long-Term Goals?

Do they have a vision for their life? Are their career ambitions, ministry callings, and personal dreams aligned with yours? Amos 3:3 reminds us, “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?”

7. How Do They Approach Family Life?

Talk about expectations for children, parenting styles, and family roles. If you dream of homeschooling but they believe in public school, or if they want five kids and you prefer two, these are conversations to have before saying “yes” to engagement.

8. What’s Their Church Involvement Like?

Are they actively engaged in their local church, or do they attend sporadically? A strong marriage is built within the body of Christ, so it’s important to marry someone who values church life.

9. How Do They Handle Stress and Hard Times?

Do they seek God in difficult seasons, or do they turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms? Life will have its storms—make sure you’re with someone who leans on God, not just their own strength.

10. What’s Their Communication Style?

Do they express their feelings openly or keep everything bottled up? Good communication is key to a healthy marriage, so be honest about whether you feel heard and understood in the relationship.

11. Are They Willing to Work on Personal Growth?

No one is perfect, but a partner who refuses to acknowledge their shortcomings will make marriage difficult. Look for humility and a willingness to grow emotionally and spiritually.

12. Do They Have a Healthy View of Intimacy?

God designed intimacy for marriage, but culture distorts it. Have honest discussions about purity, boundaries, and expectations for physical intimacy within marriage.

13. How Do They Handle Disagreements With Others?

Watch how they resolve conflicts with coworkers, family, or friends. If they refuse to apologize or always blame others, that’s a red flag. A godly spouse must be willing to reconcile.

14. What Are Their Friendships Like?

Are they surrounded by strong, godly friends, or do they keep company with people who pull them away from Christ? A person’s closest relationships can reveal a lot about their values.

15. How Do They Feel About Serving Others?

Marriage is about selflessness. A person who is unwilling to serve others will struggle to love sacrificially in marriage. Do they serve in ministry or help those in need?

16. How Do They React to Correction?

If they become defensive or angry when confronted, that’s a sign of pride. Proverbs 12:1 says, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.” Look for a teachable spirit.

17. Do They Share Your Views on Gender Roles?

God designed marriage with specific roles in mind (Ephesians 5:22-33). Talk about expectations for leadership, submission, and partnership in marriage to make sure you’re aligned.

18. Are They Emotionally Stable?

Past wounds, trauma, or unresolved anger can deeply impact a marriage. While no one is perfect, it’s important to marry someone who is emotionally healthy or actively working towards healing.

19. What Do Your Trusted Mentors Say?

Surround yourself with wise counsel (Proverbs 11:14). If your pastor, mentor, or godly friends see red flags, take their concerns seriously. Sometimes love blinds us to things others can see clearly.

20. Do They Make You More Like Christ?

Ultimately, the person you marry should push you closer to God, not further away. Do they encourage your spiritual growth, challenge you in the Word, and inspire you to love Jesus more?

The Importance of Christian Dating with Purpose

If you’re serious about finding a godly partner, dating with intention is key. Many Christians struggle to meet like-minded believers who share their values. That’s why platforms like SALT are so valuable. SALT is a global Christian dating app designed to connect believers who are seeking Christ-centered relationships.

Take Your Time and Seek God

Engagement is a beautiful step, but it shouldn’t be rushed. Marriage is for life, and taking time to truly know your partner will save you from future heartache. Seek God in prayer, listen to wise counsel, and trust His timing.

If you’re in a relationship and thinking about engagement, take a step back and honestly evaluate these 20 areas. No one is perfect, but a relationship built on faith, wisdom, and godly character will be one that glorifies God and stands the test of time.