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Christian Dating Blog – godly advice for single Christians

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Dating as an Older Christian

Daria White Osah
11–16 minutes
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This blog post is for anyone dating as an older Christian wondering where to meet people your age and how to navigate the dating world as a more mature adult.

TL;DR: The Summary

It’s also easy to think that, as an older Christian, you must be doing something wrong when it comes to dating. You’re watching everyone else get married, seeing the engagement posts, wedding photos, and baby announcements—and wondering, “Why can’t that be me?” Maybe you’re approaching 50 and still holding on to the hope that a godly spouse is out there for you—but you’re starting to feel weary. That’s exactly what the enemy wants. He wants you to grow tired and give up. But the Bible clearly tells us that we will reap in due season if we do not faint. If you’re feeling tempted to give up, lean even closer to Jesus in your walk with Him.

Here are five things to help guide you on your journey as you continue dating as an older Christian:

  1. Start with Surrender
  2. Clarify Your Standards
  3. Date With Discernment
  4. Guard Your Heart, Not Your Walls
  5. Stay Rooted in Hope

Pain of Long-Term Singleness

I won’t lie and say you won’t experience the pain of loneliness from time to time. There will be days when you feel like giving up—but that’s exactly when you need to press even deeper into your relationship with God. Many Christian singles don’t realize they’ve made marriage an idol, so when that desire goes unfulfilled, it can feel devastating. There’s nothing wrong with desiring marriage and children, but if that desire has taken first place in your heart, it’s time to realign your priorities.

If your main reason for marriage is to silence the people who keep asking, “Why are you still single?” then that’s not the right motive. The true purpose of marriage is to reflect Jesus. You and your spouse should live in a way that shows others the love Christ has for His bride—the Church. 

Yes, marriage can bring joy, romance, and companionship, but those are extras, not the foundation. Your wholeness doesn’t depend on whether or not you’re married. It depends entirely on who God says you are. Dating as an older Christian isn’t easy, but when your purpose aligns with the person God has for you—whenever that may be—it will all be worth the wait.

Beyond Expectations

“I thought I would be married by now.” While many Christian singles under 30 are waiting for their future spouse, there are also those over 40 and beyond still hoping and praying for their Kingdom partner. I’ve met plenty of singles in this category—even before I was married—and I know firsthand that the discouragement is real. Some have never even been on a date or married at all. Others were married once, but due to unfortunate circumstances, find themselves single again.

Dating as an older Christian can be frustrating. Some feel like they’re too old to date, or believe that because they’ve been single for so long, they must be called to singleness. You would think that reaching a certain age would mean greater maturity in the dating pool, but Christian singles over 40 still find it difficult to meet someone who aligns with their values and standards. Dating as an older Christian can also feel disheartening. I hear from both men and women who always thought they’d be married well before hitting 40. Many still long to have children of their own. I’ve seen women dating after menopause wonder whether their perceived calling to motherhood was wrong.

That said, we’ve seen it work for one of the first ever matches on SALT!

Left Behind

Some older Christians even feel like their lives are incomplete because they’re not married with children. There’s an unspoken belief that those who are married with kids are somehow “more accomplished.” Before I share the key points, let me make something clear: having a spouse and children does not make you more accomplished. There are many people who are married with children and yet are not walking in the purpose God has for them. Some settled just to avoid being alone. Others had children prematurely due to poor judgment. While there are many incredible single parents out there, God never intended for raising a child to fall on one person’s shoulders. His design was for husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—to raise children together in covenant, rooted in Him.

Even if you’re dating over 40, you can still do it in a way that honors God. You are not too old to date or to put yourself out there. While it can be challenging to meet other older Christian singles, that doesn’t mean they aren’t out there. It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one still waiting—but you’re not. Don’t lose heart if you’re exploring senior Christian dating sites. If, for whatever reason, God has waited this long to bring your spouse into your life, trust that He’s saving the very best for you.

Start with Surrender

    It’s hard to surrender when you don’t know the outcome. There are so many unknowns when it comes to dating as an older Christian. When you meet someone and think they might be your future spouse, it’s disappointing if it doesn’t work out. You wonder, “How long will it be before I meet someone else? I’m already 42.” The enemy takes advantage of that fear. You fear being alone so much that you may overlook red flags—just to avoid loneliness.

    The truth is, anyone can get married. Anyone can have kids. We live in a culture that says if you love someone, you can live with them forever without getting married. You could meet someone next week, choose to have premarital sex, and start a family without thinking twice. But dating as an older Christian means your mindset is different—you want to please God. And that’s what makes it harder. You’re telling God, “Even if the world calls it normal, I choose to live by Your Word.” That choice isn’t always easy. Living a biblical life can come with a cost. Not everyone is willing to pay it—and that’s why so many settle for unfruitful relationships.

    I don’t know what surrender looks like for you. Maybe it means meeting your spouse by the end of this year. Maybe it means waiting five more years. The truth is, only God knows when your season of singleness will end. And while it’s easy to grow resentful, thinking He’s giving everyone else what you want, I encourage you to still see Him as a good Father—one who has His absolute best waiting for you.

    Clarify Your Standards

      It’s easy to relax your standards when dating feels discouraging. Maybe your friends or family have gotten in your ear and made you feel like what you’re looking for in a godly spouse is unrealistic. Maybe you think no one else is trying to live biblically—and that you’re asking for too much. But how is waiting for God’s best “too much”? While your loved ones may mean well, don’t let their opinions make you question what God has placed on your heart.

      Since you’re dating over 40, you may have even reconsidered your preferences. At 25, you might’ve cared more about attraction than character. While attraction still matters, you now care more deeply about what’s in someone’s heart. You understand that character lasts longer than charm or appearance. At this stage in life, you’ve likely walked through challenges—and you want someone solid to walk with. Not just someone who can make you laugh, but someone who will weather the storms with you.

      If you’ve worried that being “too picky” is why you’re still single, bring that concern to the Lord. There’s nothing wrong with seeking wisdom from your godly community—but the voice you want to follow most is the Holy Spirit. Give yourself grace in this season. Dating as an older Christian doesn’t mean you can rely solely on your life experience. Even now, you still need God’s guidance as you navigate your dating life.

      cake saying 'older, wiser, hotter'

      Date With Discernment

        It’s easy to fall into the trap of loneliness when dating as an older Christian. You simply want to get married. You want your relationship status to change—like yesterday. I once heard an older Christian woman say, frustrated in her singleness, “God needs to hurry up.”

        Let’s think about that for a second. You want God to hurry up so that you can get married. We’ve heard about “God’s timing” so often that it can start to feel cliché. Many Christian singles, especially older ones, silently roll their eyes when someone says, “Just trust God’s timing.” No matter how true that statement is, let’s be honest—most of us are tired of hearing it because it’s all we’ve heard.

        Older Christian singles are simply tired of the years passing with nothing to show for it in their love lives. Another birthday; another Valentine’s Day; another Christmas. Another new year—still without the love of their life. After being alone for so long, one of two things often happens: they either become so used to being alone that they self-sabotage a promising relationship, or they start dating from a place of desperation. There are many Christian dating services for seniors but you don’t have to be on all of them!

        Self sabotage

        Self-sabotage shows up when you believe the person is too good to be true. You’ve been disappointed so many times that you assume this situation will fall apart too. So, to protect yourself, you ruin it before it even has a chance. On the other hand, dating out of desperation causes you to overlook obvious red flags. The person may say all the right things, but their actions don’t align with who God says you should be spending time with.

        While there isn’t a specific Bible verse telling you who to date, Scripture does say that “bad company corrupts good character.” Even if you’re dating over 40, being caught up in your emotions or how someone makes you feel can lead you to make the same mistakes a 25-year-old Christian single might make. Age does not equal maturity. You can be 40, 50, or older and still lack the discernment of the Holy Spirit.

        That doesn’t mean you’ll never make mistakes while dating as an older Christian. But you can avoid a lot of heartbreak by simply inviting the Holy Spirit into your dating life. At the end of the day, it all comes down to trusting that God knows who’s the right person for you. Don’t let loneliness or desperation lead you into a decision you’ll regret later.

        Guard Your Heart, Not Your Walls

          There’s a difference between guarding your heart and being emotionally unavailable. One invites wisdom; the other avoids risk. God calls us to be wise—not walled off. Healing from past pain doesn’t mean hiding forever. Let people see your whole self—flaws, faith, and all. The right person won’t run from your story. They’ll honor it. Vulnerability is holy when handled with discernment and care.

          Past hurts may have caused you to build walls, but it’s important to forgive and keep your heart open to what God may have for you. Whether you’ve gone through a breakup or a difficult divorce, that doesn’t mean you’re damaged goods. When the Bible tells us to guard our hearts, it simply means to be vigilant and discerning—not suspicious and paranoid. This ties into what I mentioned earlier about self-sabotage. God may very well be bringing the right person into your life, but fear can cause you to push them away.

          A story

          I recently heard a story about a woman who was dating a younger man. Because of her past experiences, she kept pushing him away, afraid that he would eventually leave. But despite being younger, his intentions were clear—he wanted to marry her and build a life together. This woman, already a mother and grandmother, was encouraged to stop letting fear hold her back. The couple was also advised to seek counseling before considering marriage.

          You could see that this man genuinely loved her. He was patient and understanding, but even patience has limits. Eventually, he reached a breaking point and asked her, “Do you want to be with me or not? I won’t force you.” Fear can lead you to sabotage a relationship with someone who truly has a good heart.

          If you’ve built walls around your heart, ask God to help you tear them down. That doesn’t mean you become naive or gullible—it means you’re opening yourself to the way God may want to bless you in this area. Don’t let your past rob you of a possible future. Dating as an older Christian still holds the potential for joy, companionship, and a Christ-centered relationship—if you’re willing to open your heart.

          Stay Rooted in Hope

            Hope isn’t naïve—it’s necessary. The enemy loves to whisper, “It’s too late for you.” But God’s timeline is never late, even if it’s not trending. Your story doesn’t have an expiration date. Whether you’re single, dating, or engaged, your worth isn’t based on your relationship status. Keep trusting, keep praying. Keep showing up with a soft heart and strong faith. You are still seen, still loved, and still part of God’s plan.

            I know this is easier said than done, especially when dating as an older Christian in your 40s, 50s, or older. Some Christian dating sites for seniors are terrible! Maybe you’ve thought, “Maybe I should just give up on dating altogether. I’m probably going to be alone for the rest of my life.” But that is a lie from the enemy. Unless you’ve never once desired marriage, you are likely not called to lifelong singleness.

            Dating as an older Christian can feel discouraging at times, like you’ve somehow missed your chance because of your age. But God has not forgotten your age—or where you are in life. The very time you think you’ve lost, He knows how to redeem as if it was never lost at all.

            Take a break if needed

            If you need to take a break from dating and reevaluate some things in your life, do so. But don’t give up completely. Don’t assume marriage isn’t for you. Let God write your real love story, whether it unfolds today or two years from now. Will you trust Him with your heart, knowing He wants to take care of it more than anyone else? Will you embrace the journey—with all its challenges—knowing your life is bringing Him glory, and so will your future marriage?

            You’re not too old to experience love the way you’ve dreamed of. You haven’t missed your moment. God is never late when it comes to the blessings He’s prepared for your life.

            Ready to meet some awesome Christian singles of all ages? We’re not exclusively a senior Christian dating website but see who’s there. Download the SALT app today!

            3 responses to “Dating as an Older Christian”

            1. Avatar
              Anonymous

              Thank you Daria for your wise words and encouragement.

              Reply
            2. James Wesley Avatar
              James Wesley

              You write that “Many Christian singles don’t realize they’ve made marriage an idol.” When you’re a Christian single and you openly express your desire for marriage, well-meaning people will often warn you about “idolatry.”

              This can be kinda annoying or condescending, to be honest. I know it’s well, meaning, though. It seems like every time singles express the desire, somebody will throw out the old “idolatry” warning. Or when someone writes or preaches about marriage to singles, they start with the caveat that wanting marriage is good “as long as you don’t make an idol out of it,” or something like that. I wonder how many Christians keep quiet about this desire, or minimize it, because they don’t want to hear these sorts of things.

              You CAN, however, desire a romance/marriage/sex, and desire it passionately, without making it an “idol,” though. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul talks about people who “burn with passion,” but he doesn’t accuse them of idolatry. He encourages them to marry.

              I wonder if this has any negative consequences. Can the desire for marriage really become an idol? Yeah, sure, technically, probably. But I think people can blow that notion out of proportion. It might cause some people lot of women to be tepid in their approach to marriage, and make them afraid that any amount of thinking or acting on their desire might be somehow sinful. Both, of course, have the unfortunate consequence of making marriage even less likely to happen. Isn’t that ironic?

              In the Bible, when verses talk about “idols,” they’re almost always talking about physical idols, from other pagan religions. And, sure, some people can be unreasonable and put marriage and romance up on an impossible pedestal. But I don’t think most people do that; they simply have a strong desire, and they can’t help it. In Timothy 4:1-5, interestingly, Paul talks about demonic doctrines, and one of them he lists is “men who forbid marriage.” If Paul wrote the book of Hebrews, he also said that marriage something that should be honored.

              Paul also wrote that “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). I think it’s unlikely that a godly desire for a biblical marriage would become a real idol. And biblical marriage seems to be the antidote to much of the real idolatry — “sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed” — that we see in the world.

              Also, look at some biblical examples of parenthood. I know this is a different issue from singleness, but it’s interesting to note the role of desire and emotion here. Rebekah was barren and prayed for a child. Rachel was heartbroken about her barrenness and basically demanded children from Jacob. Hannah cried bitterly and openly about her inability to have children, and Eli (after misunderstanding her) prayed for God to grant her request. Nowhere in the Bible are these women criticized for “idolatry.”

              Can the desire for marriage really take “first place in your heart” ? Well, sure, maybe. I have my doubts, though. And I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that someone is guilty of this just because they’ve expressed their passionate desire for marriage. Some of the “advice” you get in these situations can get pretty patronizing, too. “Remember, single folks……your number one priority is Jesus!” Oh, really? Wow. I didn’t know that! What’s my number one priority as a married person? Oh, right. Jesus. Hahaha!

              People mean well when they warn singles about turning their desires into “idolatry,” but I think they can overdo it sometimes.

              “If your main reason for marriage is to silence the people who keep asking, ‘Why are you still single?’ then that’s not the right motive.” Well, sure, I agree with that. How common is that, though? I don’t want to get married to silence people who aske me questions. I just have the genuine desire for marriage. Nothing wrong with that.

              You also mention “the person God has for you.” And “trusting that God knows who’s the right person for you.” And “let God write your real love story.” I’m not sure this is a real thing. The Bible doesn’t teach us anything about “soulmates.” That idea comes from Greek philosophy and mythology. In Matthew, Jesus clearly states that some people won’t get married (19:10-12) And in 1 Corinthians 7:39, Paul says that you can marry whoever you want, as long as they’re a Christian.

              Also, these days, lots of people wait longer to get married. Is that a plan that God devised? God “used to” do that when you were in your late teens. Then your early twenties. Then it became more common in society to marry in your mid- or late twenties, then your thirties. Right.

              As Christians we often have the shaky idea that anything and everything happening in our lives is God’s will. Sure. What if I’m currently homeless, or unemployed, or being abused? Are those things happening because God wants these things for my life? I get that we to honor God’s sovereignty and all that. It seems like the proper, “spiritual” thing to do. But we can’t understand this, at the end of the day. Unless good things happen, of course, like marrying on our timeline. Those things are obviously God’s will, right? Sure. It’s certainly easier to “thank God” for them.

              Sometimes, as Christians, we can have the idea that God is a Puppetmaster who’s running every aspect of our love lives. I have my doubts about this, though. Of course, some of this is due to personal experience. A lot of the people who try to “encourage” me to be patient and trust “God’s timing” are people who dated in high school and then got married at 21. Easy for them to say.

              Also, I think some of this goes back to the Creation story. Marriage happened in the Garden of Eden. While Adam had a perfect, sinless relationship with God. God looked at Adam and said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. Isn’t that interesting? You mean even when he was totally with God, Adam still needed someone else? Whoops.

              Of course, then what happened? Mankind rebelled, sin entered the world, and everything has been screwed up ever since. You might not be single because that’s “God’s plan.” It’s just how life turned out in a fallen world, where bad things happen and life doesn’t always go our way. In Matthew 19, when Jesus talks about people who are celibate he mentions people who CHOOSE to live that way, people who are made that way by God, and people who are made that way by “other men.” So some people stay single, and it’s not because THEY chose it OR because God chose it. It’s just how life turned out. For instance, I’ve often read that there’s more Christian women in the world than there are men. If that’s broadly accurate, it means that not everyone will be ABLE to marry. And some Christians might be living in places where there’s not many other Christians around, and thus no eligible marriage candidates. Is all of that “God’s plan” or is it just the way life turned out?

              Yes, God is good. But we live in a world that is NOT good.

              Is “God’s timing” a cliché? Well, sure, it can be. As a single Christian you’re often told to trust God’s timing. But God doesn’t promise any of us marriage. How can you trust God to fulfill a promise that He never made to you? Often the takeaway we get from this sort of advice is to be passive and wait for God to do everything for us. We can get the idea that taking action is bad, because it proves that we’re “impatient” and don’t “trust God” enough. It proves that we “lack faith.” But isn’t it IN acting that our faith is proven? And if you’re, say, 25 or older and still single, it’s probably not going to “just happen.”

              People are single for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it’s just bad luck. Sometimes it’s for bad reasons, like lack of maturity, poor financial stewardship, things like that, bad social skills, inability to deal with the opposite sex, etc. Sometimes we just don’t have any candidates around us whoa re marriage material, even if they’re Christians. I’d be careful about attributing all of this to “God’s plan” or “God’s will.”

              You also mention “guarding your heart.” What does “guarding your heart” even mean? Is it just one of those overused Christianese clichés?

              This phrase comes from Proverbs 4:23. But this verse says nothing about romantic love. It’s not even talking about being careful not to love a person “too quickly.” It’s saying keep your heart focused on God and centered the right way.

              Also, in the Bible, the phrase “heart” doesn’t seem to refer to your emotions. It’s your very central “being.” The heart speaks, thinks, remembers etc. all throughout the Bible — it’s not separated out as your “emotional self.” It’s your core self. That’s how I’ve read it, anyway.

              Reply
              1. Isabel Butterfield Avatar
                Isabel Butterfield

                You speak a lot of truth here. Note, you’ve picked out certain phrases that we have addressed elsewhere on our blog. Obviously we can’t address every nuance and phrase everything perfectly, but I think you’ll find our content as a whole to be both biblical and practical.

                Reply

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