This blog post helps married or engaged Christian couples to put the wisdom from Proverbs 4:23 into practice.

TL:DR: The Summary

When we hear the phrase “guard your heart,” we often think about Christian singles and those dating in hopes of meeting their future spouse. But what about those who are married? Is guarding your heart still necessary once you’ve committed to your spouse?

This topic isn’t often discussed in Christian circles because many singles assume that marriage will solve all their problems. However, that’s far from the truth. In reality, marriage requires even more effort because it is a covenant—a sacred commitment that the enemy opposes. He doesn’t want you and your spouse to succeed or bring glory to God, so he sets traps designed to make one or both of you stumble.

The Battle

As Christians, we are engaged in a spiritual battle, whether single or married. However, those in Godly marriages face unique attacks. Saying “I do” doesn’t make the enemy retreat. Instead, he works even harder to distort the picture of Christ and the Church that marriage is meant to reflect. That’s why guarding your heart remains just as important in marriage as it was during singleness. While marriage won’t always be easy, staying vigilant and partnering with the Holy Spirit can help protect and strengthen your relationship. Here are some ways to guard your heart—even in marriage.

1. Keep God First
2. Set Boundaries with Each Other
3. Communicate Openly and Honestly
4. Focus on your Spouse’s Needs
5. Practice Forgiveness Regularly 

Intro

I think we can all agree that the enemy is after relationships, starting as early as singleness. He wants to discourage Christian singles to the point where they either settle for less than God’s best or believe the lie that they are meant to be alone, causing them to swear off marriage entirely. For those who do marry, the enemy seeks to create division and strife. It’s disheartening that the divorce rate in the church is nearly the same as in the world. Why is that? If we have the Spirit of God within us, His Word, and a Godly community surrounding us, why are Christian marriages still failing?

While every divorce happens for different reasons, we know that heartbreak from divorce was never God’s original design. Marriage was meant to be a lifelong covenant. However, even for those who have experienced divorce, it does not mean they are damaged goods or that God cannot bring new love into their lives. Still, we must equip ourselves to recognize and resist the enemy’s tactics so we can protect our marriages and families for the glory of God.

Keep God First

Even in marriage, keeping God first should remain your top priority. Why? Because your spouse is human, and they will make mistakes. Many Christians experience heartache in marriage because the idealized version of their spouse fades once real life sets in. Life has a way of removing the rose-colored glasses you may have worn when you said, “I do.” The truth is, your spouse can be amazing, but that doesn’t mean they will never hurt you.

I haven’t been married long, but in my short time as a wife, I’ve realized that no matter how much I love my husband, he needs the Lord just as much as I do. I always pray that my husband loves Jesus more than he loves me because if he puts God first, the Lord will equip him to be a good husband. Every morning, before the sun rises, my husband wakes up to pray, worship, and read his Bible. As I’ve watched this habit, I’ve realized that the more time he spends with God, the better he loves and serves me.

Prioritize relationship with God

I have to do the same. While my relationship with the Lord is different from my husband’s, I know that when I spend time with God, I am more patient and forgiving. I can extend more grace to my husband because I have experienced the grace of God in my own life. There are even moments in my quiet time when the Lord leads me to do something thoughtful for my husband, simply as an act of love. My husband does the same for me—after his time with God, he often does something kind with no strings attached.

The beauty of this is that my husband and I each had individual walks with the Lord before becoming husband and wife. Because we built that foundation in our singleness and dating, it has naturally carried over into our marriage. Even when we disagree, we are more willing to empathize with one another because our hearts have already been softened by spending time with God individually. Keep God first now in singleness, knowing that you will need Him even more in marriage.

Set Boundaries with Each Other

Boundaries don’t disappear once you get married. They may change, but they remain essential even after you exchange vows. What are some examples of healthy boundaries in marriage? One that my husband and I follow is not discussing certain matters with friends or family. Some conversations are meant for us alone and are not meant to be shared with others.

This doesn’t mean we isolate ourselves or lack accountability, but we recognize that certain sensitive topics should stay between us. We also avoid discussing our disagreements with others unless absolutely necessary. If we do seek outside guidance, we carefully choose someone we trust—someone impartial who won’t take sides. Otherwise, even if my husband and I resolve our issues, friends or family may hold onto a negative impression of my spouse, which can create unnecessary tension.

The roles of husband and wife

My role is to protect my husband, and his role is to protect me. This doesn’t mean we deceive our loved ones about our lives, but rather, we prioritize safeguarding our marriage from unnecessary conflict or division. Another boundary we uphold is limiting the amount of time we spend apart. While every couple’s circumstances differ—whether due to work or other commitments—too much distance can create an opportunity for temptation. 

For us, we’ve agreed that any separation should not exceed two weeks. If a longer time apart is unavoidable, we discuss ways to visit each other. Some may think this level of precaution is unnecessary, but the enemy is crafty and will use even innocent situations to cause division. Stay vigilant and don’t allow it to happen in your marriage.

Communicate Openly and Honestly

You’ve probably heard it before—communication is key in any relationship, especially in marriage. While it’s nice when your spouse picks up on hints, it’s not their job to read your mind. They can’t automatically know what you’re thinking or feeling. I understand that for some, expressing emotions can be difficult, but making the effort goes a long way in ensuring your spouse is aware of what’s going on with you.

When communicating, the goal shouldn’t be to win an argument but to find a resolution you both agree on. Honesty is essential in marriage, but truth can be spoken without being condescending or disrespectful. It’s not always easy to manage emotions in the heat of the moment, but it’s necessary to avoid saying something you’ll later regret and have to mend.

How you speak matters

I love this quote by Bishop T.D. Jakes: “Speak without being offensive. Listen without being defensive.” In a world where people are easily offended, we can choose to communicate in a way that helps our spouse feel heard rather than attacked. Instead of saying, “You always do this,” try, “When you did this, it made me feel this way.” Keep the focus on the issue, not on making your spouse the problem.

Your spouse is not your enemy; they are your teammate, and together, you are working to strengthen your marriage. Vulnerability isn’t easy—it can feel scary to open up about your insecurities. However, if you want to grow closer, ask God to help you put those fears aside so that you don’t unintentionally create distance. A strong marriage requires both of you to grow together as husband and wife.

Focus on your Spouse’s Needs

As humans, we are naturally inclined to think of ourselves first, which can sometimes make it difficult to prioritize others. Many marriages suffer because one or both spouses focus primarily on their own needs rather than considering the needs of their partner. For example, a wife may feel unappreciated when her husband comes home from work and immediately asks, “What’s for dinner?” She might think, What about me? I’ve been working hard all day too. What she may not realize is that her husband has also had a long, exhausting day and simply wants to come home to a home-cooked meal.

This situation ties into the previous point about communication. The husband could send a simple text before coming home: Hey babe, I’m sure it’s been a long day for both of us. Would you like me to pick up dinner so you don’t have to cook? Likewise, the wife could greet him at the door and say, Hey babe, I know it’s been a long day for you, but it’s been a long day for me too. Would you mind if we ordered takeout tonight instead of cooking? Neither spouse is wrong for feeling tired or needing a break. But by communicating openly, they create an opportunity to acknowledge and support each other.

Putting the other first

What many couples fail to realize is that when they focus on their spouse’s needs, their own needs often get met in return. There have been times when I’ve cooked dinner after a long day, even when I didn’t feel like it, simply because I knew it was what needed to be done in that season of life. Before my husband got a new job, he would pitch in around the house, including cooking meals for both of us. We even have an unspoken rule: if I cook, he cleans, and vice versa.

We don’t always get it right, but we both make an effort to ease each other’s burdens. For me, it helps when he takes out the garbage and washes the dishes after I’ve cooked. For him, it’s when I help pack his bag before he leaves for work in the morning. Neither of us has to do these things, but small acts of consideration make a big difference in helping each other feel seen, heard, and valued.

Practice Forgiveness Regularly

I once heard a pastor say, “If you have trouble forgiving in singleness, then you are going to struggle in marriage.” As stated earlier, your spouse is a human being with flaws. If you expect perfection from them, you will be deeply disappointed. Your spouse won’t always say the right thing. They will do things you don’t understand. You won’t always see things the same way. What attracted you to your spouse while dating may very well become the thing that annoys you in marriage.

Accepting that your spouse will make mistakes is something to keep in mind when challenges arise. How often should you forgive your spouse? The answer goes back to what Jesus told Peter when he asked, “How many times should I forgive my brother?” Jesus replied, “Seventy times seven”. Just as your Heavenly Father forgives you, you should forgive others without limit—especially your spouse.

This does not excuse poor or toxic behavior. Rather, it means that as we receive grace from God, we should extend that same grace freely to our spouse. Marriage is one way God teaches us to love unconditionally, just as He loves us. The next time you are tempted to hold a grudge, think about how many chances God has given you. That doesn’t mean what your spouse did or said was okay, and yes, you have every right to feel hurt or angry. However, that doesn’t change the fact that Jesus forgave us—even from the cross. While suffocating, He said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” How powerful is that?

How your desires are met

You won’t get everything you want in your marriage. Again, your spouse is not here to complete you; they are here to perfect you. In the Bible, perfect doesn’t mean flawless—it means mature. Your spouse is meant to help you grow in Christ. This includes telling you things you may not want to hear. If you are easily offended and unwilling to forgive, it will only create friction in your marriage. The best way to forgive is to do it as soon as the offense happens. Don’t let resentment fester—release your spouse to the Lord. They may be wrong, and you may be right, but making the situation worse just to prove your point does not honor God. Forgive as you have been forgiven.

While some marriages—even among Christians—fail, that doesn’t mean God no longer brings people together. Dedicate your marriage to the Lord and ask Him to strengthen your bond. Both of you should be committed to keeping your vows—in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do you part. Protect your marriage from the enemy so that nothing separates you. This won’t be accomplished through willpower alone, but by the power of the Holy Spirit working in both of you. Your marriage is important to God, so be sure to keep Him at the center.

You have what it takes to build a thriving marriage. One that is filled with love, joy, and companionship, but most importantly, brings glory to God and shines as a light in this dark world.

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