In this post we give you 5 tips for Christians who would like to find their spouse on dating apps.
Dating app success has never been more crucial with over a third of married couples meeting online now. How do you ensure dating apps are working for you, not against you? And how do you involve God in your dating app success?
TL;DR: The Summary
Remember, as Delia in the hit Broadway musical ‘Beetlejuice’ so eloquently puts it.
“Every success begins with ‘Sucks’… but ends with…‘Yes.’
Let’s dive into these together. As you read and reflect, remember that like most things in life, dating is a process and will be different for everyone. And, when it comes to Christian dating advice, there is no one rule that works for all. Though I do hope these pointers will help steer you towards a new romance and have you shouting ‘SUCKS-YES!’
Watch this to achieve dating app success on SALT
Once Upon A Time
A close friend of mine married a man she met online. Fairly normal these days. But when they got together, dating apps were still a bit new and definitely didn’t point to long term relationships. Happy to have met but holding on to some of that awkwardness – she told her family that they met at Starbucks, which was only half a lie…
Cut to her hen party before the wedding. We were filling in one of those ‘how well do you know the bride’ activities (I know, why is there admin at a party?!) One of the other ‘hens’ and I were shouting out our answers and very confidently revealed to the room how the bride and groom to-be actually met – all of a sudden feeling that lurch in our stomachs knowing we said something we shouldn’t have.
The Mother of the Bride’s eyes widened, “I thought you met at Starbucks”. There was an awkward pause and then the truth was confirmed by the bride, her mum laughed it off and we continued with the festivities – no big deal. Phew!
Like it or loathe it, dating apps are the place where people go from ‘finding’ to ‘marrying’ and it’s good. It’s intentional. And it’s not new. My parents met through their version of ‘online dating’, it just wasn’t online in those days.
If you’re a Christian and single, it can be a tricky road to navigate. But whether your end goal is marital bliss or if you’re just dipping your toe into the Christian online dating world, I have 5 tips for Christian dating app success for you.
A word to the wise before we begin
As people, we are always seeking more. More time, more money, more pleasure, more options.
Whether it’s the latest iPhone release, in its ever more unobtainable price point.
The latest sequel to your favourite tv series. I mean I have it on good authority that House of the Dragon was better than Rings of Power but I’m happy to leave that up for debate.
Or even the headline news that the luxury of enjoying a Wetherspoons breakfast has been extended by a full 30 minutes.
As Christian singles we need to know that we have more than enough joy, peace, provision and love through God. We should always aim to start our search knowing our true lasting fulfilment comes from God, who never changes.
The Lord is my shepherd; I have what I need.
(Psalm 23:1)
Dating App Success Tip #1: Define success
I once logged my email address into SALT to start a profile, took one look at the ‘describe your faith’ prompt that first pops up and deleted the app.
I felt uncomfortable because my relationship with God didn’t feel authentic enough to define it for others to read on a dating app. I knew I had work to do.
Success for me meant, a year or more on, being able to confidently state my faith when building my profile. I felt so much happier knowing I was being true about myself and had allowed time to build my foundation with God so I could share this more not only with a potential future partner, but also knowing it in my heart for myself.
Success doesn’t always mean marriage either. So often people start their dating search thinking, ‘How do I find a Christian husband / wife?’and are unsuccessful from that point on. It’s probably good that we take this off a pedestal more often. It’s important though, to define what success looks like this time for you.
Maybe like me it means just making a profile and saying ‘yeah alright, this is who I am and I’m ready to give this a good go’
Success could look like recognising when you need a break too. We can all fall into habits of ‘super-swiping’ or feeling burnt out by dating app use. Being able to recognise this and step away for a time can be a good success marker as it points to you taking your search seriously, rather than something to fill a void.
For some of us, success is recognising when things are moving too fast. Being eager to move dating forward can sometimes lead to mixed results. You might have found yourself in a position you didn’t expect much sooner than you’d expected it in the past. Setting boundaries on yourself and healthy expectations can lead to great success.
Or perhaps success means getting one reply this week, or one date this year.
Whatever success looks like for you and your current situation, mark it, and celebrate the mini milestones!
Dating App Success Tip #2: Polish your profile
This wouldn’t be a blog about dating app success if I didn’t mention your profile.
But perhaps real success comes from more than just mixing up the order of prompts or pictures you choose – even if that could also help.
Here are a few pointers to bring a fresh perspective to your profile.
Personality first
In lieu of meeting in real life, your profile is your first impression to any potential suitors. At the end of the day, if you want someone to chat to you, you need to give them something to chat about.
Think about a time recently where you met someone new, perhaps through work or friends. What do you naturally tell people about yourself? What anecdotes come to mind? Pick these and then find the prompt that best fits them.
Contrary to popular opinion I believe truthful profiles that show who you are, are way more interesting than those aiming for entertainment value or writing what you think will get someone’s attention. Just be you.
Phone a friend
I think there’s no harm in showing your friend(s) your profile and asking for a bit of advice. Or even better, let them make one for you and compare.
Our friends can be a good lens to see the social, relational side of us through. Listening to their insight might help you freshen up your profile.
Better still, someone of the opposite sex could help you see how your profile could be interpreted and lead to positive changes.
Check out Lauren Windle‘s SALT profile takeover for more inspiration
Consider Upgrading
Paying for a dating app might feel a bit strange or like you’re trying to better your odds. To be fair the latter is true.
Options are good and upgrading can give you access to more profiles, more chances to start a conversation or more privacy.
This can lead to more informed and successful dating app choices. Win!
Loads of Christian singles at the touch of a button
Available to browse anytime day or night
Ability to find Christian singles in your area, outside your church circle (If you have 3 seconds and need a laugh – watch this video! Big Christian meme energy for you)
The chances of your relationship status to change increases
Dating app cons:
It can be stressful
It can turn into a game or a crutch
It can become disheartening quickly.
It’s easy to slip into a mindless dating app mindset. You can read more about the Sins of Dating Apps here.
But what if you could be more successful by doing less?
The helpful thing to keep in mind as you approach online dating, it’s always okay to leave and come back to it.
Success won’t come if you’re playing a numbers game, or swiping every second of the day out of sheer fear of being alone forever.
Remember it’s about quality not quantity – at the end of the day, you only need one good one!
Watch this to help dating apps work for you
And it’s all about intentionality.
This however isn’t always easy to achieve. Here’s two tips to move your mind away from frantic finding to peaceful perusal.
Force yourself to read and look at ALL their profile.
Every word. Did you take it in? Give yourself a moment to truly consider the person you are reading about; with all the information they have to offer up. Then make your decision.
Lead with optimism not desperation.
I hinted at this earlier, but truly no one wants to be with someone paralysed by loneliness and fear. Feeling alone and wanting a partner is perfectly okay. Searching for someone to fix that, less so. Often this is how we end up in a less than desirable situation.
Meditate on Psalm 56:3-4 When I am afraid, I will trust in you.In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
No matter your fears, God has got you and he loves you completely.
Taking it slow, even if for you slower means looking at the app twice a day instead of every spare moment, will reduce your stress and lead to a more considered and ultimately more successful dating app experience. Choose peace!
Dating App Success Tip #4: Lean into the real you
Like all forms of online personal media, perhaps even more so, dating apps can be a place where we put the ‘highlights reel’ version of ourselves forward over the real us.
And hey, if you love your morning get ready routine and aren’t prepared for strangers on the internet to see a picture of your unwashed hair, I get it!
However, letting go a little and allowing the real you to peek through might just do you more favours than you think.
Someone is going to love the uniquely ‘you’ things that you may be more hesitant to share. Trust me. It’s what makes you a person, who someone can get to know and love.
Whether you still dabble with diablo, love playing the panto dame with your local amateur dramatics society or can speed recite all the books of the Bible – let your true colours shine!
Two quick tops tips here for how you not only present yourself, but also how you interpret other people’s profiles:
– Take yourself a little less seriously.
We can all be a bit too serious on dating apps. ‘I could never say yes to someone with a typo in their profile’ comes to my mind and to that I say, does it really matter? Before you exclude yourself, or someone else, pause and remember we’re all human after all. It’s okay if you don’t come across like your life is all together and you read the Bible 8 times a year!
– Lean in to your ‘awkward’.
Maybe you are just a little socially awkward, maybe people using certain adjectives make you uncomfortable (trying not to trigger those who hate the word ‘moist’ too much), or maybe dating in general just makes you feel a bit out of your comfort zone. Use it! Be honest and open, I’m certain you’ll find acceptance, comfort, and appreciation on the other side of it.
Quirks and all
Dating App Success Tip #5: Send the message
Okay time to really push some people’s buttons!
I’m going to say it…
Forget the social norms! Male? Female? The first to notice that you’ve matched?
SEND – THE – MESSAGE
(Imagine I’m clapping in between words there for effect, thank you)
Every Christian single will experience hesitation to ‘make the first move’ when it comes to online dating. But why hold back?
Christian dating is already filled with many barriers and unspoken expectations, why add another?
Starting the conversation will make you feel better and no matter which way round it is gender-wise, will help ease the pressure on your match’s end too.
Sorry introverts, but I mean you too.
Choosing to actively start chatting to a match will not only get you out of your comfort zone but will also help you think about the match more seriously. And you can meet people in your local area or even how to thrive in long-distance relationships that you form online.
Ladies, a quick aside for you. Just because the guy doesn’t message you first does not mean that chivalry is dead and this man needs to ‘man-up’.
Looking back, I could have avoided a lot of encounters with strange opening one liners if I’d chosen to chat first and set the tone. If you don’t want to listen to me, perhaps some statistics will do it for you.
According to this Instagram video – Studies show that 82% of women who make the first move, end up marrying that person. Just saying….
I’ll get off my soapbox now.
But still.
Just send the message.
Let’s Conclude
As a disclaimer, there are no guarantees. Though I’m certain through defining what success means to you, polishing up your profile, choosing to search at a mindful pace, being true to who you are and taking a bit of initiative in the DM’s, success is on the horizon for you.
As Christian dating tips go, these are pretty solid!
Allow me though, before we end, to dream with you for a moment.
If you’re looking for Christian dating app success, I’m guessing you’re dreaming of a date. Or ten successively successful ones with the right person to make it official. You might be dreaming of commitment, wedding bells, and more. And so you should!
So often we hide the ‘happily ever after’ we seek from God. But remember, God had that notion from the beginning, He created us for Eden. Abundant good, beauty, love and connection – always. He wants this for you, and He wants to hear your wants for this too. Share your dreams with God and let Him journey with you towards Christian dating app success!
2 responses to “Dating App Success: How to Use Dating Apps Well”
[…] I was reminded that I don’t know whether I will meet a husband on a SALT date. I don’t know whether I will ever have a first date story that leads to marriage. But I do know that God has given us the privilege of freely meeting wonderful Christians through SALT. God has designed every man and woman on the app and we can find so much joy in getting out there and meeting them! If you want extra tips on how to use SALT well read more here. […]
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