Anyone who’s been looking for that special someone can probably attest to feeling oversaturated with dating advice and what people think is the right way to approach relationships.  So much so that it can start to feel more like a burden than a blessing.  Double that for the Christians, who are typically dating to marry – you don’t want to make a mistake! So instead of crafting a long and drawn-out piece of my personal advice (as qualified as I may be…), I wanted to know what single Christians who are actively looking for love right now are wanting and expecting from the opposite sex.  So I decided to ask our SALT SOCIALites for their best dating advice for men!

This week we’ve asked the women from SALT SOCIAL for their infinite dating wisdom from the swiping trenches, and here’s what they advised:

Ask questions

You’ve heard pictures say a thousand words, but words can give you a snapshot of what someone values and cares about.  Asking your match questions shows that you are actually interested and gives you insight into whether they’re someone you want to pursue.

“Also men please ask questions!  Even the dumbest questions will help you get to know her and show that you’re actually interested in listening to her. Communication is so important!”

-Colleen

Be intentional

This goes for both men and women, but when the other person isn’t making much of an effort, what does that say about how they’re going to approach the relationship?  Especially as a man, showing that you see her as a priority shows respect and will keep her interest better than trying to “play it cool”.

“Be intentional, make an effort, be as invested in her as she is with you.  Respect her at all costs and show that she is a priority. Always seek to ‘lay down your life’ for one another, with God at the center.”

-Sarah

Communicate your feelings

I know this goes against what men are taught growing up, but women do love it when you tell them what you’re thinking – it shows you are emotionally available and are not just here for an ego-boost.

“Over-communicate. There is never too much!”

-Leanne

Don’t be overbearing

But also – don’t smother her.  Respect her time and realize that she might have more going on than you think.  Communicate well, but if she’s not answering you after a few messages, give her a chance to breathe and respond.  And if she doesn’t?  Move on, brother!

“Just because we can do it all, doesn’t mean we want to. Also, women get asked a million questions a day (or it feels like it).  ‘What’s for dinner’ may just be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. It’s not you, we’re just overwhelmed.”

-Jasmine

Don’t ghost

I know this can go both ways too, but it feels so bad when you seem like you’re clicking with someone, only to be left in confusion and frustrated by their sudden disappearance.  This is the selfish way to reject someone – do the right thing and tell her you’re not interested.  And don’t be a jerk about it.

“And for those on this app, don’t ghost, just say you aren’t interested. Also please don’t be vulgar in the chat! It shocks me how many have said that’s happened.”

-Chloe

Expect reciprocal treatment

Are you a more traditional guy?  Be more traditional yourself and make the effort with her.  Don’t want to spill your guts up front?  Don’t expect her to, either.  Too many guys out here feel entitled to something from women that they aren’t willing to do themselves.  Don’t be that guy.

“Don’t expect something from a woman that you’re not willing to do or be yourself!”

-Amy

Know your identity in Christ

No Christian woman is out there actively looking to date someone who is insecure and isn’t confident in who they are.  You can grow and learn within a relationship, sure, but looking for a partner to fix you or make you feel like your life has value is inevitably going to blow up in your face.  Spend time with God, let him show you who you are, get in the Word, and with all due respect – grow up.  Let Him fulfill you before trying to find someone to fill that void.

“Know that you are worthy of being loved and treasured. Grow in your identity in Christ and the immense love that God has for you, as women will never be able to complete you (nor you us).”

-Angela

Spend the time to get to know someone

We all want to find “the one” and get that love at first sight, but you need to get real and realize it doesn’t always work that way.  Relationships take work.  Put in the effort of getting to know someone and not only will your relationship be deeper and more satisfying, but you might pick up on potential red flags along the way!

“Don’t expect a lightning bolt from heaven when you meet the ‘right’ woman. Things in life won’t magically fall into place following a date or two. If you’re waiting for that microwaved relationship, then you’re not ready to date. If you’re not ready to date then don’t.”

-Lauren

Be a man of God

Still going out on the weekends and taking girls home?  Getting drunk and carrying on, rather than living in a way that puts Jesus first?  Don’t expect a godly woman to be interested.  Be holy and realize how much more fulfilling it is to pursue God than to pursue fleeting worldly pleasures just to satisfy yourself.

“Seek God daily and be a man of God. Don’t expect a woman to submit to your leadership if you aren’t leading her closer to Christ or loving her as Christ loved the church.”

-Christina

Be accountable

You might feel strong and independent as a man, but the truth is no one can truly navigate life alone.  God created us for community, not just to make us less lonely, but so that we can have people who love us enough to call us out when we screw up or need to change.  There’s nothing more attractive than genuine humility – get yourself a community of people who care about you and love Jesus, and you will be much better for it.

“Be involved in a community that has a high value for accountability! Whether it’s guys your own age, intergenerational, a mentor, or all of the above. I have met many guys whose primary source of community is their family (and especially their mom), and while it is definitely good to be close to your family, family members often don’t hold you to the same standards that men in your church do.”

-Elizabeth

SALT Social

Conversations like these can really help us feel connected in an increasingly solitary world.  Come connect with a vibrant community of single Christians on SOCIAL – a community feed built right into the SALT app!  

SOCIAL is the go-to space for users to connect on a fun, engaging platform that’s about sharing life together.  Ask for relationship advice, share a worship song, or post a photo of your favourite coffee spot.  And who knows, you might meet someone amazing along the way!

Join in the conversation today on SOCIAL! You’ll need to download the SALT app to not miss out.

Want to hear what our community said about whether guys should make the first move? Read it here.

Or would you like some first date tips and tricks? Read them here