Many Christian singles want to know immediately if someone is their future spouse because they don’t want to “waste time.” There’s often a fear, especially as we get older, that we need to speed up the dating process just to know what we’re getting into. But this mindset can lead to treating people more like checklists than individuals.
TL;DR: The Summary
Yes, there are stories of God revealing someone’s spouse early on—but that’s the exception, not the rule. Dating takes time because you’re essentially gathering information to see if this person is someone you’d want to build a relationship with.
No, you’re not proposing on the first date, but there are natural ways to talk about what you’re looking for. Just be yourself. If the person is truly who God has for you, they’ll recognize it too. You don’t need to convince anyone to love you. In fact, trying too hard can come across as desperate—something you definitely want to avoid. So let’s take a step back and consider how we can approach the first date with both fun and intentionality.
- Start with Prayer and an Open Heart
- Focus on Values, not Long Term Plans
- Be Honest, but Don’t Go Overboard
- Trust God’s Timing, not Your Own
- Keep it Light and Fun
While these points aren’t exhaustive, they’re meant to help Christian singles navigate dating conversations with grace and faith. Remember, dating isn’t about rushing to the finish line—it’s about enjoying the process of getting to know someone while trusting God’s plan for your life. This isn’t always easy, but with God, all things are possible. He knows who is right for you, and in His time, He will bring that person into your life.
Intro
Dating as a Christian can be both exciting and a little nerve-wracking—especially when you’re thinking about the future. The idea of meeting someone who could walk through life and faith with you is incredible, but it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the pressure to figure out if they’re “the one” right away. So, how do you approach a first date without letting the weight of expectations take over?
While dating apps can be fruitful and successful, it’s important not to reduce men and women to just another profile to swipe left or right on. Whether the person is on the other side of a screen or sitting across from you at your favorite restaurant, they are a human being made in the image of God. Even if they aren’t your future spouse, that doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy of love, honor, and respect.
Start With Prayer and an Open Heart
Before your date, take a moment to pray. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate—just ask God to help you approach the experience with an open heart and a humble attitude. We often bring expectations or preconceived ideas into dates, but as Proverbs 3:5 reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
Instead of focusing on whether this person could be your future spouse, focus on being present and learning about their walk with God. Many Christian singles enter dates solely focused on what they want in a partner, but our prayer should also be to become the person our future spouse is praying for. Beginning with prayer—without over-spiritualizing the moment—is a powerful way to release the outcome. At the end of the day, no one will care for your heart more than God.
Open heart
Keeping an open heart is crucial because it’s easy to get emotionally involved too soon. When we’re overly focused on identifying “the one,” we may miss red flags—or signs of misalignment. That doesn’t necessarily mean the person is toxic or bad; they simply may not be right for you. So, when someone asks, “What are you looking for?” you don’t have to list all 15+ of your ideal partner qualities. You can simply say, “I’m looking for someone to share life with. I don’t know if that’s you, but I’m open to getting to know you.”
Remaining open does come with risks. This person could be your future spouse—or they might not be. Do you trust God even when it seems like you’re losing the very thing you’ve been praying for? We often admire Abraham’s faith when he was asked to give up his son Isaac, but can you imagine the weight of that moment? Isaac was the very promise God had made to him. Yet Abraham still trusted. Can we do the same?
Focus on Values, Not Long-Term Plans
It’s tempting to jump into big questions about marriage or children on a first date, but that can create unnecessary pressure. Instead, keep the conversation lighter and focus on values, hobbies, and passions. Try asking questions like, “What inspires you?” or “How do you see God working in your life?”
These types of topics help you get to know the person without making it feel like an interview. Christian dating is about aligning faith and values, but there’s no need to figure everything out right away. Even a simple question like, “What are you passionate about?” can open the door to meaningful conversation and mutual interest.
Remember, this is a real person—not a role to fill in your life. It comes back to motives. Many Christian singles need to ask themselves, “Do I want to get married to glorify God, or do I just want someone to change my relationship status on social media?”
No interrogating
That’s not to say you can’t talk about marriage or kids, but those topics should come up naturally—not like an interrogation. While some Instagram skits jokingly show women pulling out a long list of questions on the first date, we know it’s satire. If you’ve seen those dating shows where people pop balloons on each other while asking rapid-fire questions, you’ve probably noticed how some participants come off as interrogators. Even the host sometimes reminds them, “It’s only your first date—you don’t have to get married tomorrow.” As Christian singles, we need to take the pressure off and simply focus on getting to know one another.
Be Honest, but Don’t Go Overboard
It’s absolutely fine to be upfront about your intentions. You can casually say something like, “I’m hoping to meet someone who shares my faith and is on a similar page about life.” That kind of honesty can set the tone for a meaningful conversation.
At the same time, try not to overwhelm the conversation with too many expectations. You’re just getting to know each other—there’s no need to figure everything out on day one. Keep it real, but let things unfold naturally. This creates space for God to work in both of your lives.
Over-sharing
Many people wonder how much is too much to share on a first date. While meaningful conversations can happen, I don’t think it’s wise for either person to dive into childhood traumas or extremely personal topics right away. You don’t know each other yet, and revealing something deeply personal too soon can be risky. Vulnerability is important in relationships, but it should come with time, as you assess whether the other person has the emotional capacity to handle what comes with knowing you more deeply.
Personally, it was about three months before I shared anything truly personal with my husband. We were dating long distance and communicated regularly, so by the end of those 90 days, we had already built a foundation of trust. In fact, he initiated that first vulnerable conversation by sharing something personal with me, and I responded in kind. Again, these moments should feel natural, not forced.
Trust God’s Timing, not Your Own
It’s easy to feel like you need a timeline for everything, but dating as a Christian is ultimately about trusting God’s timing. While it’s important to know what you’re looking for, remember that God’s plan is often far better than anything we could come up with ourselves. Philippians 4:6-7 says it best: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.” Instead of stressing over whether someone checks all your boxes, focus on building a genuine connection and let God handle the rest.
I know it may sound cliché, but God’s timing is real. You might feel ready for marriage, but is it possible your future spouse isn’t? Are you desiring a relationship simply for the sake of saying you have someone? In church culture, we often hear the phrase “trust God’s timing,” but let’s be honest—many of us are tired of hearing it, even if we don’t admit it out loud. A lot of Christian singles quietly ask, “I am trusting God, so why hasn’t it happened yet?” The truth is, I don’t know the answer. Only God knows the beginning from the end, and He alone knows the right time to bring the right person into our lives.
My story
I share my story because it testifies to the truth about God’s timing. Had I met my husband before 2015, it wouldn’t have worked. At that time, I wasn’t emotionally ready to receive him as my husband, and he didn’t come to know the Lord until early 2015. If we had met before then, our relationship would not have been spiritually aligned. Did I experience loneliness between 2015 and when we finally met in 2021? Absolutely. But now, looking back and seeing how God orchestrated our meeting, I know it was worth the wait.
Waiting is one of the hardest things to do in our Christian walk—especially when we’re following God and it feels like He’s not changing our situation. I’m not saying it’s easy to trust God when it seems like there are no prospects. But I am saying God is working behind the scenes on your behalf. Can you trust Him one more time? Can you believe one more time? In my singleness, I had to constantly remind myself: “God is not holding anything back from me—He’s holding it for me.” What God has for you is for you, and nothing and no one can stop it from coming to pass.
Keep it Light and Fun
First dates are meant to be enjoyable, not stressful. Instead of worrying about whether they’re “the one,” focus on being present and enjoying the moment. Share stories, talk about your favorite hobbies, and have a good laugh together.
Keeping things light helps both of you relax and connect more naturally. It also creates a solid foundation for deeper conversations later on. Remember, getting to know someone takes time, so give yourself permission to enjoy the process and let God reveal His plan step by step. Building a lighthearted, fun connection can also be the beginning of a meaningful friendship. Too often, Christian singles become so focused on the romantic side of a relationship that they overlook the importance of friendship with their future spouse. Passion is wonderful, but it ebbs and flows. A strong friendship is one of the key things that will help sustain your marriage, especially during difficult times.
Friendship
I love romantic dates with my husband, but what I treasure most about our relationship is that we’re friends. In the early stages of getting to know each other, we started by sharing the Word of God and our faith. We connected spiritually first, and over time, our emotional connection and feelings for each other grew. Relationships should be built gradually, and friendship—along with your relationship with God—is essential for lasting love. So, have fun at the beginning and continue to enjoy each other’s company as your relationship deepens.
The temptation after marriage is to stop having fun with your spouse, but the truth is, you should be having even more fun together. Life—and the enemy—will try to attack your covenant. That’s why it’s so important to invest in and be intentional about your relationship.
Let’s Conclude
This doesn’t mean you avoid serious conversations altogether. We’re not talking about going to the other extreme. But you don’t have to share everything on the first date either. Be authentic and honest. If they’re the right person for you, things will unfold in God’s timing. You won’t have to force it. If something is truly meant for you and comes from God, you won’t need to “make it happen.”
Dating as a Christian is about honoring God, building a connection, and trusting that He will guide you toward the right path. Whether this person becomes your partner or simply someone you learn from, every step is part of God’s bigger plan. Stay prayerful, keep your heart open, and remember—you don’t need all the answers right away. What matters most is trusting God and leaning into His faithfulness during this season of your life.
Ready to meet other Christian singles who share your values? Download the SALT dating app and start connecting with like-minded individuals today!
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