No one enters a relationship expecting abuse. As Christians, we strive for love that reflects Christ’s character—kind, patient, and selfless. But what happens when the person who should cherish and protect you is the one causing you harm? If you’re in an abusive relationship, you may feel trapped, confused, or even guilty. But let me be clear: God does not call His children to endure abuse. He calls us to wisdom, healing, and wholeness.

What is Abuse in a Relationship?

Abuse isn’t just physical violence. It can be emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, or spiritual. If your partner belittles you, isolates you, controls your decisions, or makes you feel worthless, these are serious red flags. Abuse distorts the love God designed for relationships.

I once counseled a young woman who felt torn between her faith and the reality of her abusive relationship. She believed that staying was the “Christian” thing to do. But Scripture never commands us to stay in harm’s way. God is a God of justice, love, and protection. If you’re experiencing abuse, you need to take action.

What Should Christians Do if Their Partner is Abusive?

Here’s a clear, biblical, and practical guide to navigating this painful situation.

1. Acknowledge That Abuse is Not Love

Love does not hurt, manipulate, or control. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes love as patient and kind, not as oppressive or fearful. If your partner’s behavior contradicts biblical love, it is not love at all.

2. Reject the Lie That God Wants You to Stay

Nowhere in Scripture does God command you to stay with an abuser. While marriage is sacred, abuse is a violation of that covenant. God does not call you to suffer in silence.

3. Recognize That Abuse is Sin

Abusers often twist Scripture to justify their behavior. Don’t be deceived. Abuse is sin, and God stands against it (Psalm 11:5, Colossians 3:19).

4. Pray for Strength and Clarity

Prayer is powerful. Ask God for the wisdom and courage to take the right steps. He sees your pain and will guide you (James 1:5).

5. Talk to a Trusted Christian Mentor or Leader

You don’t have to go through this alone. Seek counsel from a mature believer who understands the weight of this issue.

6. Set Boundaries to Protect Yourself

You are not responsible for fixing your abuser. If they refuse to repent and change, you must protect yourself. Establish firm boundaries.

7. Seek Professional Christian Counseling

Abuse deeply wounds the heart and mind. A trained Christian counselor can help you process your experience and heal.

8. Document Everything

If you feel unsafe, keep records of abusive incidents. This can be helpful if legal action or protection orders become necessary.

9. Don’t Let Shame or Fear Keep You Silent

Abuse thrives in secrecy. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a support group.

10. Consider a Safe Exit Plan

If you need to leave, plan your exit carefully. Seek help from local domestic violence organizations or your church community.

11. Understand That Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean Staying

As Christians, we’re called to forgive, but that does not mean tolerating sin or putting ourselves in harm’s way.

12. Seek Legal Protection If Necessary

If you are in danger, get a restraining order or involve authorities. Your safety is a priority.

13. Lean on God’s Promises

God is your refuge (Psalm 46:1). He will never leave you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).

14. Build a Support System

Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you in your healing journey.

15. Join a Faith-Based Community That Supports Healthy Relationships

If you’re looking for a Christ-centered dating community, consider using SALT. It’s a global Christian dating app designed to connect like-minded believers who value healthy, God-honoring relationships. There is even a specific group on TABLE by SALT who meet in a live audio event called Dating After Darkness to talk about their life after divorce.

16. Trust God’s Plan for Your Future

Your worth is not defined by your past or your abuser’s words. God has a beautiful plan for you (Jeremiah 29:11).

17. Heal Before Pursuing Another Relationship

Take time to heal and rediscover your identity in Christ before dating again.

18. Encourage Others Who May Be Struggling

Your story may be the encouragement someone else needs to break free from an abusive situation.

19. Pray for Your Abuser (But From a Distance)

Praying for your abuser’s repentance is biblical (Matthew 5:44), but it does not mean reconciling or exposing yourself to further harm.

20. Remember: You Are Not Alone

God sees you, loves you, and has not abandoned you. Reach out for help and walk in the freedom He desires for you.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, take these steps seriously. There is hope, healing, and a future beyond the pain. You are deeply loved and valued in Christ. Do not let fear or guilt keep you bound—seek help today.