Engagement is one of the most exciting and spiritually significant seasons of your life. It’s the time when love moves from a beautiful possibility to a firm commitment before God. But it’s also a season that requires deep reflection and preparation. Marriage is a lifelong covenant, not just an emotional high or a social milestone. That’s why asking the right questions now can help lay a strong foundation for a healthy, God-honoring marriage.

I’ve seen many couples rush through engagement, assuming they already know everything about each other. Others avoid difficult conversations, hoping love will magically make things work. But real love seeks wisdom. Proverbs 4:7 reminds us, “The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.” So, before you walk down the aisle, here are 20 essential questions to ask during your engagement.

1. What does marriage mean to you?

Do you see marriage as a sacred covenant or just a legal contract? Your theological understanding of marriage will shape how you approach challenges, conflict, and commitment.

2. How do you handle conflict?

No matter how much you love each other, disagreements will come. Do you shut down? Get defensive? Need time alone? Knowing how you both naturally handle conflict helps create healthier ways to resolve issues.

3. What role does faith play in our relationship?

How do you want to grow spiritually together? Will you pray, fast, and study the Word as a couple? Will you serve in ministry? Spiritual unity is essential for a lasting marriage.

4. What are your expectations about intimacy?

Sex is a God-given gift in marriage, but many couples enter marriage with unspoken expectations. Discuss your thoughts on physical affection, emotional intimacy, and how to honor each other in this area.

5. How do you handle money?

Finances are a major cause of marital stress. Do you save, spend, tithe? Are you in debt? Will you combine accounts? Discuss financial priorities and stewardship as a couple.

6. How do you make major decisions?

Will one person take the lead, or will you make decisions together? Do you pray and seek wise counsel before big choices? Aligning in this area prevents unnecessary friction.

7. What is your relationship like with your family?

Your spouse’s family will impact your marriage, for better or worse. Discuss boundaries, family involvement, and any past wounds that might affect your future together.

8. How will we handle friendships with the opposite sex?

Every couple must define healthy boundaries. What’s appropriate when it comes to texting, social media, and spending time alone with friends of the opposite sex?

9. How many kids do we want (if any)?

Are you both on the same page about children? If so, how many? What about adoption? What are your thoughts on parenting styles and discipline?

10. What role does church play in our life?

Will you attend the same church? How involved will you be? What do you believe about tithing, serving, and spiritual leadership in the home?

11. What are your non-negotiable values?

What are the core values you will build your marriage on? Honesty, integrity, faithfulness? Defining these values now will strengthen your marriage later.

12. What are our career goals and priorities?

Will you both work full-time? Will one stay home with kids? Do your career goals align with your vision for marriage and family life?

13. How do you handle stress?

Do you withdraw, become irritable, overwork, or rely on prayer? Knowing each other’s stress responses helps in offering better support.

14. What are your views on gender roles in marriage?

Do you believe in traditional roles, or do you see marriage as an equal partnership in all areas? How will responsibilities be divided?

15. What are your hobbies and personal interests?

Will you encourage each other’s hobbies, or will personal time be a source of tension? Finding a balance between shared and individual activities is key.

16. How do you handle apologies and forgiveness?

Holding grudges damages relationships. Are you quick to forgive? Do you need time to process before moving forward?

17. What does quality time look like for you?

Every couple has different love languages. Do you need deep conversations, fun activities, or quiet moments together to feel connected?

18. How do you feel about conflict resolution and counseling?

Would you be open to marriage counseling if needed? Having a teachable heart can prevent many future struggles.

19. How do you view household responsibilities?

Who will do what? Will you divide tasks, or will one person take on most household duties? Clear expectations help prevent resentment.

20. How do we keep the spark alive?

Marriage isn’t just about avoiding divorce; it’s about thriving together. What will you do to keep pursuing each other, date each other, and cherish your love long-term?

Final Thoughts

Engagement isn’t just about planning a wedding—it’s about preparing for a marriage that reflects Christ’s love. The more intentional conversations you have now, the stronger your foundation will be.

If you’re still searching for a godly spouse, I highly recommend SALT, the global Christian dating app. It’s a platform designed for serious, faith-filled singles who want to honor God in their relationships.

And if you’re already engaged, take time to pray over these questions, discuss them deeply, and seek wisdom from mature Christian couples. A strong marriage doesn’t happen by accident—it’s built with intentional love, wisdom, and grace.