This blog post suggests ways Christians can flirt to get someone’s attention while still being appropriate.

TL;DR: The Summary

Is there a way to honor God while also showing interest in your crush? How can you let someone know you like them without being awkward or inappropriate? Believe it or not, Christian dating doesn’t have to be stressful. Men and women can honor Jesus and enjoy the dating process while meeting new people. Here are a few ideas to get started.

1. Use Playful Banter with Kindness
2. Make intentional eye contact
3. Engage in deep, meaningful conversations
4. Use subtle touch (when appropriate)
5. Show Christ-like confidence

This isn’t an exhaustive list, and no, you don’t have to be so rigid that you feel compelled to follow these steps in order. While dating doesn’t need to be over-spiritualized, you can start by praying and asking God to help you stay calm. Sometimes, we become so anxious about what the other person will think of us that we fail to be ourselves. I have a friend whose husband was extremely nervous when they first met. In her case, she showed compassion and gave him a chance anyway.

Intro

“How do I flirt? I tried winking at a guy in church, and he thought I had something in my eye.” Let’s face it—dating among Christian singles has gotten awkward. Women don’t know what to say to men, and men don’t always pick up on the ‘hints’ women give them. Men are thinking, Just give me the green light, while most women don’t want to be too obvious about their interest. When did it all get so complicated?

Unfortunately, many Christian singles struggle to navigate dating, unsure of what’s right or wrong. The purity movement, while well-intended, often left people confused. Holding hands felt like too much. The abundance of rules became a burden—so much so that some avoided dating altogether, believing they had to marry the first person who showed interest. Others swung to the opposite extreme, throwing caution (and boundaries) to the wind.

You are chosen

I believe this confusion—or the desire to follow strict dating rules—often stems from wanting to be chosen so badly that we can finally get married. But let me remind you: you’ve already been chosen. In John 15:16, Jesus clearly says, “You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.”

We have already been chosen by our Heavenly Father. Yes, it’s wonderful when another person chooses to spend their life with you, but that isn’t the ultimate goal. We need to realign our hearts with God’s Word, recognizing that He should be our first love. That said, it’s completely okay to desire relationships and marriage—there’s just a way to show interest without coming across as overly eager or awkward.

Use Playful Banter with Kindness

A little light teasing with a warm smile can spark chemistry with the opposite sex. Of course, you never want to go too far, so be mindful of what the other person is comfortable with. Many men have told me they appreciate a woman with a good sense of humor—someone who is serious about her walk with the Lord but doesn’t take life too seriously. She can laugh at the simple things. That doesn’t mean you have to be a comedian or memorize jokes for a first date.

This all comes back to being yourself. The way you see and relate to the world might naturally amuse the person you’re dating. Some people are witty and quick on their feet, while others have a dry sense of humor with perfect timing. You may not even be trying to be funny, but the other person might find your humor irresistible.

Be yourself

Again, be yourself. Gauge the situation as you talk to the person. Some may not appreciate jokes early on, so don’t feel pressured to incorporate humor on the first date. My husband and I developed our friendly banter gradually—it wasn’t something we fully embraced until we became exclusive and later engaged. I could tell he had a sense of humor, but he eased me into it.

Use discernment. Some people are more sensitive than others, so it’s important to be compassionate. At the same time, you don’t want to feel like you’re walking on eggshells, afraid that every word you say might offend them. Trust your instincts and use discretion.

Make Intentional Eye Contact

Locking eyes with someone while smiling can show interest without being too forward. Many people don’t make eye contact often, especially in today’s digital world, where we’re glued to our phones, distracted by notifications, texts, and apps. Putting your phone down signals that you’re giving the other person your undivided attention. A conversation feels different when someone is genuinely interested in what you have to say.

You can even reach across the table and hold their hand—perhaps they’re sharing a childhood memory or venting about a tough week. Knowing you’re actively listening is incredibly attractive. If you can make someone feel seen, understood, and heard, you’ll leave a lasting impression.

Of course, this isn’t a staring contest. It’s not one of those unsettling commercials where someone’s eyes follow you everywhere. It’s okay to look away occasionally—just stay natural and relaxed. Don’t overthink it. With the right person, you don’t have to try to make them like you. If they want to be with you, nothing will push them away. Even if you have a past you’re not proud of, the right person will have grace for you.

Engage in Deep, Meaningful Conversations

As time goes by, ask questions about their faith, passions, and dreams. Emotional connection is one of the most attractive qualities—even more so than physical appearance. You could be with the most attractive person in the world, but if they lack substance or depth of character, the relationship may feel empty.

Does this mean you should share your entire life story on the first date? No, but over time, make an effort to learn about them. There’s nothing worse than dating someone who only talks about themselves and never asks about you. A healthy conversation involves a balance—both of you should be learning about each other. Get curious and ask questions, but let the conversation flow naturally rather than feeling like an interrogation.

Good conversation

A good approach is to take turns. If they ask you a question, ask one in return. Aim for an equal exchange as much as possible. Also, be mindful not to interrupt them while they’re speaking. Let them finish their thoughts before you respond or steer the conversation in a new direction.

When should you dive into deeper topics? Ideally, as you approach the “define the relationship” conversation. Why? Because before committing to a relationship, you need a clear understanding of who they are and what they value. By this point, you’re already interested in them and likely wondering, Are they the one?

Of course, you’ll continue learning about each other once you’re in a relationship, so there’s no need to rush into engagement. Everyone’s timeline is different, but I always recommend giving it at least a year before making a lifelong commitment. As the relationship deepens and more layers are revealed, you’ll have to decide how to process that information. And remember, honesty should go both ways—don’t expect them to open up if you’re not willing to do the same.

Use Subtle Touch (When Appropriate)

This can include a touch on the arm, shoulder, or even holding hands, as mentioned earlier. The key here is when appropriate. For example, if you’re standing next to each other and they tell a joke that makes you laugh, you might lightly touch their shoulder as you laugh with them. A gentle nudge to the shoulder could also work—just be mindful not to tease too much.

Again, this needs to feel natural. If you find yourself overthinking when or how to touch their shoulder and counting down the seconds, it may be best to not do it. Take the pressure off yourself to get things perfect. Dating isn’t about trying so hard to impress someone that they have to like you. Yes, put your best foot forward, but not to the point of overdoing it.

Physical affection

Despite what purity culture may have said in the past, there’s nothing wrong with holding hands or giving a hug after a date. This is why boundaries are so important—both partners should feel respected. It’s possible that the person you’re dating isn’t comfortable with kissing. Not because they’re trying to be overly religious, but perhaps they have a sexual past and now want to honor God by avoiding situations that might lead to temptation. On the other hand, you may feel comfortable with kissing. However, respecting their boundaries is a sign of care and maturity. There’s nothing wrong with honoring their wishes.

Boundaries

Respecting someone else’s boundaries actually makes you more attractive. It shows that you genuinely care about them—not just about how you feel or what you want. Their walk with God is just as important to you as your own, and you wouldn’t want to do anything that could lead them astray. I once heard someone ask, “Whose boundary should take priority?”—in reference to one person preferring not to kiss while the other is okay with it. In my opinion, you should go with the stricter boundary. You may not fully understand their past or the personal reasons behind their decision, but honoring it demonstrates respect and selflessness.

This was a boundary in my own relationship before engagement and marriage. My husband didn’t want to kiss because he had made some poor choices in the past with his ex-girlfriend. We were still getting to know each other, but when he saw that I upheld his boundary as my own, it had a profound impact on him. Over time, we revisited that boundary and eventually decided to kiss before marriage—not because I pressured him, but because he saw that I was different. I wasn’t teasing him or trying to tempt him. I never questioned, “What do you mean we can’t kiss?” That thought never even crossed my mind. Instead, I saw how much he wanted to honor both God and me, so I respected his wishes.

When we did kiss, he felt freedom. He realized that we could honor God while still showing appropriate affection in a way that worked for us. In many ways, our relationship brought healing to him because we both wanted to date in a God-honoring way. It wasn’t just his commitment—it was ours. As you can see, respecting the other person’s boundaries can go a long way. It reveals your true character and deepens the trust in your relationship.

Show Christ-like Confidence

Confidence is attractive. Knowing who God has created you to be and fully embracing that is priceless. However, confidence should not be mistaken for arrogance—the kind that looks down on others or acts judgmental, believing itself superior. Ever met someone who thought they were God’s gift to the opposite sex? That’s not the kind of confidence we’re talking about.

True confidence comes from knowing your worth in Jesus Christ. When you understand the lengths He went to in order to save you, and you’ve dedicated your life to serving Him, that confidence shines from within. The person you date will see His light in you, and if they also love the Lord, they’ll be drawn to that. This doesn’t mean you won’t have bad days—we all face challenges that shake us. But even in those moments, can you still stand and say, “I know God is with me. I trust Him!”

Your confidence in God

Your relationship with the Lord should inspire the person you’re dating. The presence of Jesus in your life should be the most attractive thing about you, on top of everything else you bring to the table. My husband has a deep love for God’s Word, and once he starts sharing a verse, it’s hard to stop him. I saw this passion early in our relationship, and it remains just as strong today. I thought I had a deep love for Scripture before meeting him, but his fire for God has only made me more passionate about my own walk with Jesus.

His confidence and love for God made him even more appealing—it was his foundation, something we could build on together. Take a moment for self-reflection: How is my walk with God? Would it be attractive to someone else? I once heard a saying: “You should be running so hard after Jesus that you have to turn around to see who’s running alongside you.” Another favorite of mine is: “A woman should be seeking Jesus so wholeheartedly that her husband must seek Him too in order to find her.” Let Jesus be your best asset.

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