In the blog post, we explore what it means to ‘wait on God’ when it comes to finding a spouse.
TL;DR: The Summary
Waiting is not easy, especially as you get older. Many Christian singles are approaching thirty, forty, or even fifty, with no spouse in sight. I get it, and I’m here to tell you that there is hope. Why is it crucial to wait on God?
Sounds simple, but it’s not easy. Even when Christian singles hear the common phrase, “be content,” many cringe. “How long am I supposed to be content?” Or, “I am content, but nothing’s happening.” I hear you, and I remember feeling this way too. But let’s dive into why we must trust God in this process.
Does it mean we should stay locked in our rooms and never meet people? No, but we can’t force things to happen. Let’s explore why.
Intro
“God needs to hurry up.” I was listening to a relationship Q&A when a woman expressed her obvious discouragement and impatience with waiting for her husband. The pastor and his wife graciously answered her question. She believed that because she had been living right and doing her best to obey God, she would be married by now. You and I both know that’s not always the case, and the pastor pointed this out.
We don’t obey God to get something from Him. We obey Him because of what He has already done for us. Marriage is not promised to us, and the only thing we truly “deserve” is hell and separation from God. Yet, in His mercy and grace, God didn’t want permanent separation from us, so He sent His Son. I know, waiting on God is not easy, but that doesn’t mean He can’t be trusted.
So, how do we navigate this? Should you wait on God to bring your spouse to you? I’ve discovered that many Christian singles are tired. They’re tired of dates leading nowhere. They feel tired of being ghosted. They’re done with dating for a few months, only for the other person to change their mind and end things—back to square one.
Divine Timing
We hear it all the time: “trust God’s timing.” We hear it in sermons, on podcasts, YouTube channels, and social media. If you listen long enough, a Christian married person is going to tell you to trust God’s timing. Unfortunately, it’s said so often that it’s become a cliché. I wouldn’t be surprised if most Christian singles roll their eyes when they hear it. However, let’s see what God’s Word says.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)
Do you see this? God has plans for us—good plans. Certain things happen at specific times. We can’t rush it, and we can’t force it.
My story
I remember praying before meeting my husband back in 2015. I wanted to be in a relationship so badly that it felt hopeless. Every guy I talked to or liked, the relationship always fizzled out. What I didn’t know was that in February 2015, the same year, my husband gave his life to the Lord.
Although he grew up in church, he hadn’t fully committed to his Christian walk. Reflecting on it now, I see that God needed time to grow and mature my husband in the faith. I tell people all the time, had we met earlier, we would have been unequally yoked. Like I said, God’s timing is perfect. Is it possible that you’re wanting something prematurely, and God in His mercy is saying “no” for now because what He has for you isn’t ready yet? Something to consider.
True Connection
While looks are important in a relationship, we know they will fade with time. How you look in your twenties doesn’t mean you’ll look the same in your sixties. Sure, you can take care of yourself, but what’s on the inside matters, too. While online dating has increased people’s chances of finding the right person, too many individuals place too much weight on outward appearance without doing their due diligence to evaluate character.
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7, NIV)
How is this person with their finances? Do they treat their family and friends with love? How do they treat people they don’t know? You need to know these things to determine if it’s a true connection. I’m telling you, in marriage, life and the enemy will try to destroy your bond with your spouse.
If all you have are surface things in common with no substance, you won’t stand when the storms of life come. There’s nothing wrong with building a friendship and allowing it to grow into something more. Most Christian singles are afraid of being friend-zoned, but they fail to see that friendship is where it begins. Passion is great, but life will happen, and it takes more than passion to keep a marriage strong.
Personal Growth
I know this is another one that most Christian singles don’t like to hear. We hear all the time, “singleness is the time to grow and focus on what God has called you to do.” Some Christian singles take this time to explore their calling, while others get intentional and work on emotional wounds through therapy and counselling. Some may feel like, “I am working on myself, how much more do I need to do?”
Does the work stop?
Will you be perfect when you get married, with nothing else to work on? No, you’ll still need to work on yourself in marriage. In fact, the growth kicks into high gear because now your spouse is reflecting you back to yourself. They will show things in you, both good and bad, so now is the time to work on yourself while single.
God showed me this in prayer. Remember I mentioned 2015? I didn’t just pray without a response. God clearly told me that I needed to work on some things and heal. I thought I was okay, but the Holy Spirit peeled back layers. Some things I felt ashamed about, but in His loving kindness, He showed me that I didn’t have to carry the “baggage” into my future marriage.
Did I fully arrive by the time I got married in 2023? No, but I’m in a much healthier and more emotionally mature place for my husband. I know how to extend much more grace and compassion to him because God showed me how to extend it to myself. I am a recovering perfectionist, and I’m so glad God revealed this to me before meeting my husband. He’s free to be authentic because I’m not placing unrealistic expectations on him, as I once did on myself. Let God work on your heart in this season. Your spouse will thank you.
Avoid Heartache
As I mentioned earlier, had I met my husband in 2015 or earlier, it wouldn’t have worked out. He wasn’t fully committed to the Lord, and I would have been hurt. He was also in another relationship and wasn’t ready to let go of his ex-girlfriend, even though he knew deep down it wasn’t fruitful. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being caught in the middle, and I wasn’t about to prove I was worthy of being chosen. I had too much self-respect to try and convince a man to pick me. Now, I know that God protected my heart.
The rejection is God’s protection
Is it possible that God is protecting your heart? You think you want this person, but He knows it’s not going to work out. Would you rather be disappointed now that it didn’t work out at the beginning, or would you rather get your heart entangled with someone who’s only going to slow down your purpose?
It may be hard to digest, but your calling and purpose are important to God, and He’s not going to give you to just anybody. Your heart is too precious to Him. I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard from Christian singles who said regretfully, “I should’ve waited on God” or “I knew God was warning me, but I ignored it.” Yes, God will heal and restore, but some things don’t have to happen if we would only listen to the Holy Spirit’s promptings.
Follow peace
You know what I mean. You’re going out with someone but don’t have peace. It feels forced. You desperately want to be in a relationship, but deep down, you can’t see a future with them. Do you really think God wants that for you? I’m here to tell you that there needs to be alignment between you and your future spouse. When it’s God, you won’t have to force it. How do I know? I’m experiencing it. Is it easy? No, but there’s an ebb and flow, and most importantly, the peace of God.
I know you want love. That’s what every human being desires. But remember, your desire for true love can only be fulfilled in Jesus Christ alone. If you’re looking for another person to complete you, even with the right person, you still won’t be satisfied. Can you trust God’s timing? I know some of you have been waiting for a long time. Many haven’t even been on a date, but that doesn’t mean God has forgotten you. You’re not damaged goods. You’re worth loving, and the right person will see that.
No compromise
I know you don’t want to settle. You desire a true connection with someone who sees a future with you. They choose you, and that’s worth waiting for. Yes, do your part and put yourself out there, but remember, only God is in control of the results. In the meantime, keep working on you. There’s always something we can grow in, so never feel like you have arrived. What if God wants your undivided attention now, before a spouse shows up? Can you surrender this part of your life to Him, knowing He’s working on your future?
Trust Him. God cares about your heart even more than you do. He doesn’t want the wrong person to abuse it. Do you think God wants to see you heartbroken? Not at all.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18, NIV)
God doesn’t want you to be crushed, so don’t get ahead of Him and connect your heart to someone who’s not from Him. In fact, God wants to work through your marriage to point people back to Jesus. How powerful is that? Knowing that your love story can lead people to the Gospel. Most Christian singles are so focused on finding love that they fail to see how God can get glory from it.
Kingdom marriage
Your relationship can give God glory. It can bring encouragement to others and inspire them to wait for a kingdom relationship. We need more of them on earth, especially with both the world and the church losing hope in healthy relationships. I pray you don’t lose hope. Don’t give up, and keep believing God.
Ready for a Christ-centered relationship? Download the SALT app now and connect with real Christian singles today!
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