Taking a break from dating apps might seem a strange decision when the desire to find a spouse is still there. Could it ever be a good idea?

You may not agree, but I think there’s no better place to live than in a bustling city in your twenties.

Being young and free in the city for me was the most fun. I loved that everything and everyone was close by. That an impromptu cinema trip late on a Tuesday was always a possibility. That the shops are always open. That there’s always something going on.

I enjoyed every bit of it, and I really mean that.

Then I had to say goodbye to city life. I moved home to my more ‘rural’ roots at the start of the year for a short time. Though it was my decision, bidding farewell to constant convenience and novelty felt a bit daunting.

As I left, I began processing all that I’d leave behind as the high-rise buildings flowed into open fields by the road. I wondered if it was a mistake.  

My first night out of the city I felt… peace.

There were no bright streetlights bleeding through the window, no busy roads creating constant background noises. Things I never thought about before suddenly felt revolutionary.

I realised, after years of city living; I needed a break.

TL;DR: The Summary

Sometimes we need a break, and we know it! Like the countdown to a holiday abroad. The promise of sunshine and maybe a sangria or two getting you through each day.

Sometimes we need a break and we didn’t even know we needed it! We were too busy keeping on that we didn’t notice the need for a change, a breather, some time out.

And it can be the same with dating online. Do we need to be on the apps constantly or is taking a break a good idea?

We’re going to explore if taking a break from dating might be what the doctor ordered, even if right now it seems to be going great.

As single Christians, dating is a different experience for everyone. I hope this blog will help you to assess your own situation and be able to bring your best self to the dating arena.

So, take some time and ask yourself – should I take a break from dating apps?

• Is It Mindless Habit?
• Do You Have Dating FOMO?
• Is it an idol?
• Is your Heart Healthy?
• Is God Nudging You?
• Want A Break With Benefits?

Is it a Mindless Habit?

Like all apps in our lives, dating apps can almost become part of a ‘routine’.

As we do the morning scroll, look busy on the train platform, avoid awkward eye contact,  detach from the day or even doom-scroll to sleep, there’s no lack of opportunity to check or interact with dating apps. You’ll be on Facebook wondering “are politics a dealbreaker in dating“, and then switch over to the dating app and mindlessly scroll.

And this can be part of the problem.

As Christian’s dating, we should know that dating is at its best when it’s intentional. So, if being on the apps feels passive or even numbing – these might be indicators that you need a break.

Dating app burnout is a common experience. Though apps like SALT aim to reduce this by helping Christians meet other like minded Christians, dating fatigue is still a possibility.

According to media science professor Kathryn Coduto (Boston University) dating app burnout “may be intensified by the fact that there’s an app for just about every part of our daily lives and the constant connectivity can be too much.”

Whether you feel a bit worn out or if you don’t even realise how often you’re reaching for your phone, taking some time to consider our intentions and approach is always wise.

The Right Approach

If we didn’t have apps, we’d need to meet people in the old-fashioned way. In the real world we wouldn’t approach a prospective love interest with half-hearted hellos, a portion of our attention or ‘I need something to occupy my brain’ mentality.

Though the style of dating these days may lean towards the digital, our attitude online should be the same as in real life. If you can’t bring our present, intentional energy – then taking a break might be the best next step for you.

Do you have Dating FOMO?

If taking a break from dating apps fills you with fear – proceed only with caution.

Maybe instead of having a mindless habit, you’re hyper aware of your dating app use. The ever-hopeful checking of a profile for something new doesn’t always point to optimism.

I get it, we’re on a Christian dating app to find a godly man, woman, husband or wife (one day!).

But ask yourself some of these quick questions.  

• Are you finding it hard watching others you know dating and feel like you’re missing out on the excitement (and success?) of your peers?
•  Are you worried about never meeting someone or of time running out?
• What about the dread of (another) failure?

Or maybe you think if you weren’t trying, i.e. spending every moment you can on finding the right person to pursue, you might miss your chance to meet your person. 

If any of your answers were yes, or even maybe, fear might be playing a part in your dating game.

Trust me, going on a date with another Christian single who on the inside is screaming “PLEASE GOD LET THIS BE IT” might not be the start of the greatest love story.

What God Says

(…) and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)

Stopping and saying no to fear will put you back in control. A short or long break may be the cure or at least give you the space to notice your thought and prayer patterns.

If an anthem for your season is your thing, saying no to fear and yes to God is one of the great themes of sung worship. I’d highly recommend ‘Fear Is Not My Future’ to get you started. On repeat please!

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)

The Fuel to Fear

Fear is fuelled by lies from the enemy. If you’re looking for some godly advice for singles, listen to this. Don’t let the enemy get a foothold on you in your dating life!

You are worthy of love. You are deeply loved already by the creator of the universe! You are called to live life in the power of the Spirit, in love and peace.

Take hold of the truth that God brings and use it in your prayers to combat the enemy’s lies. There is freedom from fear and dating FOMO. Taking a break won’t end your chances, guaranteed!

Is it an Idol?

We talked before in our 5 tips for dating with the intention of marriage blog, marriage can easily become an idol for many Christian singles. But it seems as likely that dating could also be put on a pedestal that it doesn’t deserve.

Dating or the prospect of it often offers a hopeful glint, the chance to imagine what could happen. And with online dating apps, including Christian dating apps, these opportunities only get bigger. It brings a means to chase the thing we might want (a relationship) and if that want feels large in our hearts it’s easy for it to overtake our vision.

Deeper Desires

Dating can easily lead us to thinking that it can provide us with what we truly desire. That’s true for those setting up a profile or those going on multiple in person dates. We might desire attention, to feel wanted or seen, loved, and accepted. And I’m not saying the new person that dating may bring into your life won’t offer these things, or that they are wrong if they do. But focusing on dating as the sole fulfilment of these longings is not God’s plan for us. Only He can truly satisfy our hearts.

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalm 16:11 (ESV)

Hey friend, when did you last spend time with God? Have you talked to Him about what you want? He wants to hear it! The Lord wants to show you fullness of joy with or without active dating in your life.

Wanting to date can be such a good thing, but don’t let it go sour by allowing trying to find a date to be your all-consuming thought.

So, if dating feels like the most important thing, that it needs to come before anything else, hit the pause button! Regroup and come back to what truly matters most.

Is Your Heart Healthy?

Considering how you are doing in your mental, spiritual, physical and emotional wellbeing is a really good way of assessing if you are in the right place at this moment in time to be on a dating app or in need of taking a break.

I’m sure it’s not surprising to say that dates, falling in love, even marriage won’t fix the problems we carry. They will still be there.

If life feels busy or there are other big things on your mind it’s always okay to take time to focus on yourself.

There’s a challenging question I want to ask myself more but shy away from. I’ll offer it up to you in case it’s helpful…

• How are things in your heart? Is there anything you are burying or hiding from God (or others)?

Dating apps can be an escape from reality (hello dopamine from those matches). But you can’t put real life on hold forever. The Holy Spirit is a great and gentle guide to reveal what we may already know deep down.

Self Check-In

Here’s a quick check-in list, it’s not comprehensive but take some time to bring your answers to mind and then to God in prayer. Invite the Holy Spirit to help you to see what’s really going on.

Mental and Emotional

•  How am I feeling today?
•  What’s been worrying me lately?
• What am I doing to bring myself joy?

Spiritual

• When did I last take time to listen to God? What was He saying to me?
•  Am I able to actively serve God in some way?
• Am I holding on to any unforgiveness?

Physical

•  How has my sleep been lately?
•  Am I able to get outside/exercise daily?
•  Do I know what my body needs to recharge and rest?

Taking a dating app break could help you to put these focuses first.

Is God Nudging You?

It’s easy to forget that God speaks to us today. God speaks to you and He is inviting you to listen.

The prayer course is a great place to start if you want to know about how God speaks and how you can learn to listen more.

If a dating hiatus feels timely, but you’re unsure – that’s okay. What is God saying?

Is God nudging you? If you’ve got a knot in your tummy right now, maybe He is.

Trust and Wait

but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 (ESV)

Can you allow yourself to trust Him, even in the waiting? Can you let go, even for a brief time, and let God take charge of your romantic life even it means nothing changes?

If these words feel on the nose, or what you didn’t want to hear but needed to, God might just be trying to say something to you.

I believe that everything we give to God He will use. So if you give Him your time off the dating apps, you might be surprised with what He brings you in turn. It might not be your soul mate! It might be something better.

Imagine coming back into the dating scene strengthened, firm in your faith, ready to walk, run and soar in all aspects of your life.

Want a Break With Benefits?

Turns out not being on dating apps doesn’t mean that life will be empty.

Maybe like my city hiatus, you might experience some deeper peace!

A dating break can help you, among other things, to give more time to:

•  You and your needs – refer back to our check in list above!
•  Your passions or projects – remember all the stuff you used to do?
•  Your relationship with God – after all, how will you know if God wants you to date someone unless you develop your relationship with Him.

Family and Friends

One other great benefit is allowing yourself to focus on the relationships that are already in your life. Maybe you haven’t seen your family in a while or your friends have had a busy season and it’s time to catch up. 

Remembering what our nearest and dearest bring to our lives can be a breath of fresh air. Especially if we’ve spent a long while focusing on finding a ‘special someone’ instead.

Taking a break from the apps doesn’t have to be a miserable cold-turkey experience. Enjoy the richness and variety of life in its fullness in other areas for a bit! It’s okay to not always be on the lookout for the love of your life.

Let’s Conclude

You might have recently joined a Christian mobile dating app like SALT and are thinking “I’ve only just found out where to meet Christian singles and now you’re saying I should take a break?”

Not necessarily! But the reality is that dating apps take up our time, our energy, our mental capacity. Dating comes at a cost!

Sometimes it’s good to lay it all on the table and assess the state of affairs before we go searching for someone else to add into the mix.

It could be that dating has become an old habit, replaced your time with God or maybe become too big of a fixation right now.

Notice the signs and when it’s time to put your other priorities first. If a break is best for you, in its place I pray God richly blesses you with the fullness of joy He promises. Who knows what might come your way in the meantime!