This post acknowledges that marriage is not the end of the Christian race and looks at the objective pros and cons of both singleness and marriage.

TL;DR: The Summary

Let’s ask the question: “Is it better to be single than to marry as a Christian?” I don’t think the question is about what’s better. The real question is: “Can God get the most glory out of my life as a single person or as a married one?” With that being said, let’s break down how we can best answer this complex question:

1. Both Singleness and Marriage are Divine Gifts
2. It’s About God’s Plan for Your Life
3. Free Will Plays a Role
4. Fulfilment Comes from God, Not Relationship Status
5. You Can Impact the Kingdom Either Way

As you can see, it’s not about one being better than the other. Being single doesn’t make you less than, and wanting to share your life with someone isn’t wrong. Both paths are valid and valuable. Let’s dig deeper so you can determine where you land on the spectrum.

Intro

“Maybe it’s better if I don’t get married.” I can’t tell you how often I hear Christian singles talk themselves into permanent singleness because they’ve been single for a long time. They reach a certain age and think, “Maybe this is God’s will,” instead of holding onto hope because they still desire marriage. Some even quote Paul to justify their position, but it’s important to take a closer look at what Paul actually said:

“For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that” (1 Corinthians 7:7, NKJV).

Do you see that? “Each one has his own gift from God.” This means that some people are gifted with singleness, while others are gifted with the desire for marriage. So, how can you tell which you are? I think it’s simple. If you’ve never wanted to get married and prefer it that way, you’re probably called to singleness. But if you still desire marriage, you may have the gift of marriage. And just because you’ve been waiting for a long time doesn’t mean marriage won’t happen for you.

Both Singleness and Marriage are Divine Gifts 

“But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife,” (1 Corinthians 7:32, NKJV). 

What is Paul saying here? He referred to the “present distress” in the world. The persecution of Christians during the early church era was horrific. Paul also mentioned that the “time was short,” as most Christians believed that Jesus could return at any moment. Remaining single meant having fewer distractions, especially when your life could be at risk.

Life’s focus

As an unmarried person, one could focus entirely on the calling of the Lord. It offered more freedom. Marriage creates a deep emotional bond, and as Paul pointed out, it divides your affections. You not only aim to please the Lord but also have to consider your spouse. This affects every area of life, including where you’ll live and how you’ll spend money. For example, if God tells you to give $1,000 to a local charity, and your spouse disagrees, you’re caught in the middle. However, if your spouse is equally yoked and shares your spiritual discernment, they’ll support what God is asking of you—even if they don’t fully understand it.

This, however, does not diminish the gift of marriage. Contrary to worldly opinions, marriage is not a prison or a “ball and chain.” It’s not meant to suffocate or hold you back. If anything, marriage is designed to help you become more like Christ. It’s another level of self-sacrifice and surrender. In marriage, you die to yourself daily so that you and your spouse can become one in mind, body, and spirit.

I once heard a pastor say, “The more you die, the more your marriage will live.” Isn’t that the essence of the Gospel? Dying to ourselves daily to become more like Jesus? When God is the center of your union, He can bring glory through it. He teaches you how to be a good husband or wife. He uses your marriage as a witness to others—through how you pray, laugh, and live together. Your marriage is meant to be a stage that displays Jesus.

It’s About God’s Plan for Your Life

Is it better to be single than married? Personally, I believe it depends on God’s plan for your life. If His will includes a spouse, He will ensure you meet them. If it doesn’t—and you’ve never felt the desire to be married—then there’s no need to worry about it.

Many Christian singles feel pressure from society and even their families to get married. Let’s say someone is genuinely called to singleness, but those around them start asking probing questions. Instead of speaking up, some might make poor relationship decisions, ultimately hurting themselves in the long run.

Seek for yourself

While most families mean well, it’s essential to seek God’s will for your life. Your parents may have a vision for your future, but God has the final word. What does He want for you? Do your desires align with His will? Start with your relationship with God and let Him guide you. He may lead you to a spouse—or He may not.

Biblical wisdom

Do you trust that God has good things planned for you? That His plans are not to harm you but to help you thrive and bring Him glory? Jeremiah 29:11-13 says: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart (NKJV). 

We often quote verse 11, but I want to emphasize verses 12 and 13. When we call on God, He listens. When we seek Him, we find Him. Want to know God’s plan for your life—whether it includes singleness or marriage? Simply ask Him. There’s no wrong answer. Matthew 7:7-8 encourages us: “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened (NKJV).

Ask your Heavenly Father, “What’s Your plan for my life?” Will He reveal everything at once? Probably not. But step by step, He will make His plans clear. Whether you end up with a ring on your finger or not, you can trust that His plans are good and perfect.

Free Will Plays a Role

I think we sometimes forget that we have a choice in this matter. Yes, we may feel pressure from society, family, and friends, but ultimately, the decision is ours. If we’re truly seeking God’s will for our lives, our desires will eventually align with His. Why? Because we love Him and want to please Him.

God knows and sees our deepest desires. When we surrender those desires to Him, we can trust Him with the outcome. Some may wonder, “What if it’s God’s will for me not to be married? I really want to be married.” Again, God knows our hearts. If you have a genuine desire for marriage, I don’t believe He gives you that desire just to withhold it. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life” (NKJV).

Biggest soul-cry

I know many hearts feel heavy from being single for a long time. Maybe you’ve never been on a date, or perhaps you were close to marriage, but the engagement ended. Some won’t admit it, but they’ve grown resentful toward God, asking, “Why hasn’t He blessed me with a spouse?” We need to be cautious with this kind of thinking because it can sound entitled. God doesn’t owe us anything except eternal separation from Him due to sin. Anything He gives is because of His unfailing grace and mercy.

A better prayer might be, “God, I want my future marriage to glorify You.” Many people view marriage primarily as a romantic bond. While marriage can be romantic and fun, it’s ultimately meant to refine us to be more like Jesus. The process of dying to self is real. If we struggle to die to ourselves now in singleness, marriage will be even harder. So, remember—you have a choice in the matter.

Fulfilment Comes from God, Not Relationship Status 

While we know this to be true, we all need the reminder now and then. It’s sad that both the world and even church culture often make Christian singles feel “less than” if they’re not married. Some ministries don’t even have anything specifically for singles. It’s either for married couples or for the youth.

But what about the single woman approaching forty? What about the single man turning thirty-five? I even heard a story about a single woman who was asked to volunteer in the children’s ministry because it was assumed she had nothing else to do. What a sad assumption! Does being single mean you lack meaning or purpose? Does it mean you can’t be busy with your own plans?

What if you wanted to travel alone or with friends? I’ve even heard of Christian singles being discouraged from buying their first home because they weren’t married yet. What? Not to mention how some churches won’t even consider single people for leadership roles. Can we stop this warped kind of thinking?

Feeling inferior as a single

These assumptions can make Christian singles feel inferior. Instead of singleness being viewed as a gift, it becomes a problem to solve. If they don’t “fix” this problem, they feel like their life is over—that they’ve failed. But do you want to know the ultimate failure in life? It’s not singleness; it’s not knowing Jesus. Mark 8:36 says, “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?” (NKJV).

Read that again. You can have everything in the world and still lose if you don’t have Jesus. Married or not, Jesus is the ultimate relationship. I know we hear “Jesus is enough,” and some of us roll our eyes. It sounds cliché because we hear it so often. But even though it’s true, it doesn’t negate your desire for marriage. I understand. I was single for twelve years before I got married, and I remember the low moments of wanting to be with someone, only to face another year unmarried.

The best relationship

Can I tell you something now, as a married woman? Even with the right person, your relationship with Jesus is still the ultimate one. I love my husband, but even he, in his humanness, cannot fulfill the deepest spaces in my heart. There are times I need to seek God for peace and clarity. There are also times he’s told me, “I need to get in the Word and pray.” Sure, we’re there for each other, but it’s only after we’ve been in the presence of God that we’re better for each other.

Here’s what I’m saying: Jesus defines you—not your relationship status. Don’t let anyone make you feel inferior because of it. If you don’t know who you are in Christ, I challenge you to start there before pursuing a spouse. You can only love your spouse as deeply as your relationship with Jesus.

You Can Impact the Kingdom Either Way

Is it better to be single or married as a Christian? The good news is, you can impact God’s Kingdom either way. As a single, you have more freedom to follow God’s guidance—picking up and going wherever He leads without needing to consult anyone aside from your inner circle and Godly counsel.

If you choose to marry, God can still get glory as you and your spouse honor Him in your relationship. There’s real power in showing others how God works through both of you. In doing so, you reflect the Gospel—demonstrating how Jesus loves His bride, the Church.

The best way to answer this question is to ask, “What are you called to? How can God get the most glory through your life?” If you feel called to stay single, embrace it. There’s nothing wrong with you. Remember, Jesus defines your identity. On the other hand, if you desire marriage, ask God to align your heart with His will for your future spouse.

If you’re thinking, “I’ve waited so long. Will I ever get married?” I don’t know God’s timeline, but I encourage you to hold on to hope for your spouse. The enemy wants you to give up, stop believing, and lose faith. Don’t let that happen! Keep praying for your future spouse and, in the meantime, continue to meet new people and put yourself out there. Use discernment as you date, and trust that God will reveal the right person in His perfect timing. He knows what He’s doing.

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