Navigating the world of Christian dating can feel both exciting and daunting, especially when it comes to the question of who should initiate conversation on a dating app. As a committed single Christian, you might be wondering, “Should I wait for a man to message first, or is it okay to take the initiative?” This question often stems from a desire to align modern dating practices with biblical principles. Let’s explore this topic thoughtfully and practically, helping you approach online dating with confidence and faith.

Understanding Biblical Principles in Modern Dating

As Christians, our approach to relationships should always be rooted in biblical values. While the Bible doesn’t directly address dating apps, it does provide wisdom on relationships, communication, and initiative. Proverbs 18:22 states, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord,” which has often been interpreted to mean that men should pursue women. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean women should remain passive in the process.

Taking the initiative to start a conversation doesn’t mean you are stepping outside of God’s design for relationships. In fact, many biblical examples highlight women who took proactive steps while still honoring God’s order. Think of Ruth, who positioned herself wisely in pursuit of God’s plan for her life.

20 Considerations for Christian Women on Dating Apps

If you’re wondering whether you should wait for a man to message first, here are 20 practical and biblical considerations to guide your decision:

1. Intentionality Matters – Are you approaching online dating with the intention of seeking a godly relationship, or simply following cultural trends? Keep your heart focused on God’s plan.
2. Confidence in Your Identity – Your worth isn’t defined by whether you send the first message. You’re already valued by God, so feel free to engage confidently.
3. Godly Initiative vs. Pursuit – Initiating a conversation doesn’t mean you’re pursuing the man; it simply means you’re showing interest and openness.
4. Balance of Effort – Healthy relationships are built on mutual effort. A simple message can be an invitation to see if there’s mutual interest.
5. Breaking Unnecessary Barriers – Some men may appreciate a woman reaching out first as it alleviates pressure and opens the door for conversation.
6. Be Prayerful – Before sending a message, pray about it. Ask God for wisdom and discernment in your interactions.
7. Quality over Quantity – Don’t feel pressured to message multiple people. Instead, focus on profiles that align with your values and interests.
8. Using the Right Platform – Choosing a Christian dating app like SALT ensures you’re engaging with like-minded believers who share your faith.
9. Biblical Femininity – Reaching out first doesn’t mean compromising your femininity. You can still allow space for the man to take leadership in the relationship.
10. Be Authentic – Send a message that reflects your personality and faith, rather than trying to impress or conform to dating trends.

More considerations

11. Avoid Overthinking – Sending a friendly message doesn’t equate to taking control of the entire relationship process.
12. Setting Healthy Boundaries – If you initiate the conversation, be mindful of maintaining godly boundaries and expectations.
13. Cultural vs. Biblical Expectations – Some cultures suggest women should wait, but biblical wisdom encourages kindness and initiative within God’s design.
14. Encouragement to Men – A thoughtful message can encourage a godly man to step up and lead in further conversations.
15. Focus on Friendship First – A message can simply be an invitation to get to know someone in a friendly, low-pressure way.
16. Stay True to Your Values – Whether you choose to message first or wait, ensure your actions reflect your commitment to Christ.
17. Trust God’s Timing – Whether he responds or not, trust that God is in control of your relationship journey.
18. Accountability – Share your dating approach with a trusted friend or mentor to gain wisdom and encouragement.
19. Discern Red Flags – Messaging first can help you discern early on if someone shares your values or if they’re not the right fit.
20. Remember the Bigger Picture – Dating is just one part of your life. Focus on your spiritual growth and community involvement alongside it.

Practical Tips for Messaging First

If you feel led to send the first message, here are a few tips to do so in a way that honors God and feels natural:

• Start with a simple greeting and reference something in their profile that caught your attention.
• Ask a thoughtful question related to their faith journey or interests.
• Keep it light-hearted and friendly without overcomplicating it.

For example, on the SALT app, you might say something like, “Hey! I noticed you’re passionate about missions work. What’s been one of your most memorable experiences?” This allows for meaningful conversation while keeping things relaxed.

Conclusion

Ultimately, whether you wait for a man to message first or take the initiative yourself, what matters most is your heart posture and trust in God’s plan. Dating apps are a tool, and like any tool, how you use them determines their effectiveness. Platforms like SALT provide a faith-centered environment where both men and women can connect in a Christ-honoring way.

Take a step in faith, stay true to your values, and trust that God will guide your steps in the right direction. Whether you initiate a conversation or wait, remember that God’s timing is always perfect.