Here are my top 5 relationship tips for Christian singles. I’ll be taking you through my journey from meeting my husband to marrying him.

TL;DR: The Summary

How do we take practical, biblical steps from dating to marriage? What does it look like to navigate the dating pool with intention and faith? This isn’t about following a perfect formula. It’s about being yourself, taking your time, and inviting God into every part of your dating life.

Here are five tips to get you started.

1. Pray Before You Pursue
2. Discern Fruit, Not Potential
3. Date With a Finish Line
4. Protect Your Body and Boundaries
5. Let God Lead, Not Loneliness

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is not to look for a formula when it comes to dating. It’s disheartening to see so much content titled “Five Ways to Make Them Fall in Love with You,” “Five Ways to Get His Attention,” or “Ten Signs He’s Into You.” While not all creators are solely trying to profit off people’s desire for love, many do—and unfortunately, some people take this content and try to use it as a roadmap to find a spouse. There’s nothing wrong with seeking biblical wisdom, but not all content is rooted in Scripture. That’s why it’s essential to have a trusted inner circle grounded in God’s Word rather than relying on every YouTube video or podcast you come across. Be discerning about what relationship tips you allow into your ears and your heart.

Intro

We live in a culture where many Christian singles are so focused on marriage that they forget to enjoy the dating process. On the other extreme, some treat dating casually, with no clear future in mind for the person they’re seeing. It’s important not to go from zero to one thousand too quickly. This means you don’t have to know on the first date if the person across from you is your future spouse.

Yes, God can make things clear early on—but more often than not, it takes time. First, remember: you don’t truly know this person yet, so don’t expect to figure everything out within the first few weeks or even months.

There’s a lot of relationship advice floating around—podcasts, YouTube videos, and social media posts—on how to tell if someone is “the one” right away. This can mislead Christian singles into thinking that if they don’t see these exact signs, they must be dating wrong. But I’m here to tell you: there’s no foolproof method for finding your spouse. Every relationship is going to look different because we are all unique. God has His own story for you, and it’s best to follow His lead. Don’t pressure yourself to know everything right away. Too many dating opportunities are missed simply because people expect certainty too soon.

Pray Before You Pursue

Not every spark is from the Spirit. Before you entertain their DMs, consult the One who knows their heart better than you ever will. Prayer isn’t a last resort—it’s your first line of clarity. Ask God, “Is this connection from You, or is it a distraction?” His peace—or the lack of it—will give you the answer. When you seek Him first, you won’t be swayed by charm without character. Attraction isn’t enough if there’s no alignment. Let prayer filter what flattery can’t. This is how you pursue with wisdom, not wishful thinking.

This doesn’t mean you need to over-spiritualize the entire dating process. I once heard a story about a woman who prayed, “I’ll know he’s my husband if he’s wearing a dark green shirt.” The first man she saw wearing one was already married. That’s not discernment—that’s guesswork. A more grounded approach is to simply ask the Lord for wisdom while dating. Ask Him to help you be discerning and to open your eyes to any red flags that may come up.

Being discerning doesn’t mean nitpicking everything they do or watching for every slip-up. Many Christian singles think they’re being cautious, but what’s really happening is they’re acting suspicious. Often, this stems from unresolved trauma or pain from a past relationship. That’s why it’s so important to heal before entering the dating world again.

Sometimes the question isn’t “God, should I pursue?” but rather, “Lord, search my heart—am I truly ready to date?” If you’re not ready, you could become a danger not only to the other person but also to yourself. Pray over your own heart first—before asking God to bring someone into your life to share that heart with.

Discern Fruit, Not Potential

I once saw a video clip of a woman going through a divorce. When the judge asked why she married her husband despite knowing the relationship wasn’t healthy, her honest, vulnerable response was, “I thought I could fix him. I was so desperate to be in a relationship that I looked past all the red flags.” She admitted her family had reservations about him. Though they never directly voiced their concerns, she could sense their discomfort. Despite an inner hesitation, she married him anyway. Now, they share two children—and the regret on her face in that video was unmistakable. I imagine she felt foolish too.

Some of the comments on the video were harsh, asking, “How could she be so stupid?” But it’s easy to judge from the outside. How many of us have made relationship mistakes simply because we didn’t want to be alone? There’s often pressure to have it all by a certain age, and if we don’t, we feel like failures. Let me remind you: your value does not come from your relationship status.

Focus on the fruit

When considering a potential spouse, focus on fruit, not just potential. Yes, we’re all growing, and no one is perfect. But there’s a difference between someone maturing spiritually and someone showing consistent toxic behavior. Mistakes can be part of growth, but repeated harmful patterns shouldn’t be tolerated.

If someone shows genuine remorse, is taking responsibility, and is actively seeking God’s help to change, that’s worth observing—but it doesn’t mean you need to rush into marriage or even a relationship. Give it time. Watch for consistent fruit.

I remember when my husband shared some painful truths about his past before coming to Christ. In his case, I saw true repentance and a genuine desire to walk with God. His actions backed up his words. That’s very different from someone who apologizes, only to return to the same behavior. If you notice a cycle of apologies followed by repeated mistakes, it’s time to reconsider. We all grow at different rates, but real change requires effort—and someone who truly wants to change will show it.

Date With a Finish Line

That doesn’t mean you need a proposal within the first three weeks of dating. I once saw a comedic video that showed a Christian man and woman meeting for the first time. They smiled and shook hands, and then the man immediately dropped to one knee with a ring in hand to propose. She jumped up and down with excitement, took the ring, and they hugged—now engaged. Funny, yes. Realistic? Not at all.

Christian singles need to find the balance between dating with intention and holding things with an open hand. Yes, date with the finish line in mind—because you shouldn’t be dating endlessly—but also stay open to the unique pace God sets for your relationship. Some Christian relationship tips recommend dating for at least a year or two. Others say if there’s real progress, it can be safe to get engaged within the first six months. Everyone’s timeline is different.

My story

My husband and I dated for a year and four months before getting engaged. I have a friend who knew within six months she would marry her now-husband—and they tied the knot just two months after we did. If you’re trying to follow a formula, let this be your reminder: it’s best to follow the timeline God lays out for you.

It’s not always easy, but learning to balance dating with purpose and collecting data along the way is essential. As you get to know the person, ask yourself whether you’re aligned. Too many Christian singles focus on what they want, but fail to ask: “Am I the kind of person my future spouse is praying for?” Marriage isn’t just about having your needs met—it’s about serving someone else, too. If you think marriage is all about getting what you want, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

Protect Your Body and Boundaries

Purity isn’t just about sex—it’s about stewardship. How are you honoring God with your time, your touch, and your texts? Physical boundaries aren’t legalism—they’re wisdom. Don’t let your hormones write checks your future self can’t cash. Late-night hangouts, lack of accountability, and “just chilling” can quickly lead to compromise. Instead of asking, “How far is too far?” ask, “How holy can we stay?” Guard your body like it belongs to God—because it does. This protects your heart and honors your future marriage.

Yes, you do run the risk of losing someone when you make your boundaries clear. Many Christian singles hesitate to speak up because they’re afraid of having to start over. If the other person doesn’t agree with those boundaries, they fear the loss—especially when it feels like marriage was just around the corner. But is it really worth compromising in order to keep someone? Let me say this again: the right person will not only respect your boundaries, but they’ll have their own. There will be such alignment between you that honoring those boundaries won’t even be up for debate.

Honour your own convictions

If you lose the other person, then you lose them. God will not send someone into your life who tempts you to sin against Him. Sadly, many Christian singles rationalize red flags and ignore relationship tips by saying, “It’s not that bad.” That may be true, but if uneasiness has been a constant since meeting this person, don’t ignore it. God can speak in many ways—including through your physical and emotional responses. Pay attention to that. It may be His way of warning you that this relationship is not His will.

Trust that God knows who and what is best for you. Many Christian singles cling to relationships out of fear that this is their last chance. They worry it will take years to meet the right person—so they settle. But think about that: “I’ll just take what I can get.” That’s not the mindset of someone who believes in a good God. Scripture clearly says His plans for us are good, to give us hope and a future. If we believe that, why do we act like we need to settle? Keep your boundaries, knowing God sees your obedience. And if someone walks away because of them, trust that they were never meant to stay.

Let God Lead, Not Loneliness

This isn’t easy—especially when many Christian singles fear growing older and being alone. Some feel like life is over if they’re not married by 30. Others feel the same at 40, 50, or beyond. But your life isn’t over because you’re not married by a certain age. I don’t know why some people marry young while others marry later in life. What I do know is this: if marriage is part of God’s sovereign will for your life, it will happen—and the desire for it will remain.

Some Christian singles assume that because they’ve been single for so long, they must be called to singleness. But that’s not necessarily true. If you still have a strong, godly desire to be married, don’t throw in the towel just because it hasn’t happened yet. You might simply be in a season of what some call “closed singleness.”

This could mean God has you focused on serving or working in another area of your life, and you’re not actively dating. He may be drawing your attention to Himself, calling you to seek Him more deeply. But that doesn’t mean you’re called to lifelong singleness. Unless you’ve never had a desire to be married, I personally don’t believe that’s your calling. 

Paul is a good example—he advised Christians to “remain as I am,” but he never said it was wrong to desire marriage. Both marriage and singleness are gifts. Most Christian singles don’t like the “gift of singleness,” but if that’s where God has you right now, you can embrace it, enjoy your life, and still look forward to marriage.

Loneliness and Isolation are real

That doesn’t mean you won’t get lonely. Loneliness is real, which is why community is essential. During my own season of singleness, God blessed me with a godly community I could walk with—people who truly understood me. Having a circle that both identifies with you and encourages you is gold. Some singles think they should only be friends with other singles, but that’s not true. There’s nothing wrong with having married friends. You can have strong, healthy friendships with them without feeling jealous. Married couples need singles, and singles need married couples. We can learn from each other and help one another stay strong in the body of Christ.

It’s unfortunate that many Christian singles feel isolated because so many church programs focus on couples and families. When it comes to singles, there’s often little to nothing offered. This isolation only deepens the loneliness, leaving singles feeling like they’re the only ones left in their church.

It’s about the right people

I say all that to say this: go back to God first. Then ask Him to lead you into the right communities—places where you feel seen, heard, and embraced. That might include fellow singles, or it could be godly couples who can pour relationship tips into you as you prepare for marriage.

Don’t overlook anyone God wants to bring into your life. Just remember: your worth and value come from your heavenly Father. It’s okay to have moments of loneliness. But if you’re living in a state of loneliness, it’s time to run back to the feet of Jesus and ask Him to make you whole. Marriage won’t make you whole. Your wholeness comes from being a child of God and knowing who you are in Christ.

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