In this post we talk bout five signs that show you’re ready for the world of Christian dating. Find out whether you’re open to a long-term relationship.
TL;DR: The Summary
I’m sure many of you can relate. Really considering if you are ready to date is important. But how do you know you are ready?
There’s not a tonne of clear Christian dating advice in the Bible. Besides an awkward skim of Song of Songs reminding us not to awaken love until the right time (8:4), it’s hard to gauge when to start.
If you’re a Christian looking for love, feeling confident in stepping into dating can make the whole experience a lot more enjoyable and successful. Luckily, I have some helpful signs that show you’re ready to start looking.
5 signs you are ready to date
- You are definitely single.
- You know why you want to date.
- You are on the same wavelength as the Lord.
- You’re happy to share the story.
- You know your own boundaries.
I’ll be breaking each one of these down so read on!
Intro
Remember Lizzo’s song that dominated in summer 2022, and viral Tik Tok dances, after her latest album dropped. Her feel-good single, ‘2 Be Loved,’ saw many mastering the dance routine online notably copying Lizzo’s own Times Square performance, and the rest of us singing the chorus on repeat until the Autumn.
2 Be Loved is more than just a bop, Lizzo’s got a point! ‘Am I ready to put myself out there?’, is a tricky question! Her lyrics show two voices to her thoughts too:
Am I ready? (Girl, there ain’t no doubt!)
Am I ready? (What you talkin’ ‘bout?)
Am I ready? (You gon’ figure it out)
To be loved, to be loved.
Am I Ready?
I ran my first Marcothon last December. After finally getting into running (if you could even call my slow jog “running”) I decided on November 30th to commit to running 5k a day every day in December. Then I joined a WhatsApp group, bought a high-vis headband, and I’d ran 5ks before. I was ready.
It started great, I felt accomplished, and I enjoyed what was a surprisingly mild few December weeks. And then the pain set in, my hips and knees were screaming for mercy. With January looming closer but not quite close enough, I was taking ibuprofen on the regular. I could barely sit for the entirety of Christmas dinner without feeling sore.
I may have felt ready to do a Marcothon, aware of the challenge that it could bring. But now I know, in hindsight, I wasn’t really ready. I didn’t know how to stretch properly (or at all some days) or how to look after myself once I got going. Plus, I had poor posture and chose routes that didn’t help the cause either. I wanted to be like my friends, and I rushed ahead leading to weeks of painful persistence.
It’s easy to jump into dating and like Lizzo thinking “you gon’ figure it out” – which you totally can, it’s impossible to prepare for everything! Yet like me and my Marcothon attempt, sometimes wanting to isn’t quite enough to see you through.
Ready to Date Sign #1: You are definitely single
This is blatantly obvious but hear me out.
Being ready to date means being available, not just in your calendar but in your heart. If there is someone else, anyone else, who your mind is always going back to I would guess this means your heart isn’t fully available and therefore isn’t ready to date.
To those of you with an ex, make sure that it’s over over before you bring someone else into the equation. I’m aware this kind of goes without saying. But I’m saying it anyway because I know that we all need to hear it!
You can’t begin with someone new if you’re still clinging on to the one before. ‘I can always go back to them’ and ‘what could’ve been’ have no place in the mind of someone on a first date. No matter the terms you are on with your ex (I’m not going to start a debate about that), you know you’re ready to date when your feelings toward that person are firmly in the past. I say this for one very important reason.
Remember
Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
(Romans 12:2 NLT)
I think in being Christian and single/dating, we have the opportunity to set the standard for what dating should be. The world is watching how we live. God calls us to be set apart to do things in His way. What an amazing testimony it would be if Christians could show what true honour and respect looks like. Ensuring your ex is out of the picture protects you and your potential date.
Also, to those of you holding on to hope for the ‘what if’ person in your life, I’ll say this. Whether it’s the last single man in your church or the girl you knew at school, address those feelings first. You don’t want to be getting to know someone new while you’re distracted by the thought of the barista who doodles on your coffee cup each morning (…slipping into rom-com land here, sorry!) Imagine how it would feel being in your date’s shoes. If they found out that they are perhaps your second choice.
So, block the number, unfollow and burn the love letters.
If you can easily give all your focus to the person you meet, you’re ready to date.
Ready to Date Sign #2: You know why you want to date
What is motivating your search for love?
Knowing why you want to start dating will set you up for success. If your immediate response is ‘to get married’, that’s great. Knowing your end goal is always helpful. It makes sure you aren’t wasting someone’s time or ensures you’re on the same page as your date. But I’d argue this is more about your intentions.
Before the casual coffee, beach walk or candlelit dinner, I think 1 Corinthians 13 is a great place to consider your motivation to date. Successful dating results in a growing relationship and from that love. So according to Corinthians, we will know we are ready to date when we are:
1 Corinthians Date-Ready List
Patient = “I can wait for the right person. I can take the time to get to know someone new. I can take things slower than I planned for their comfort.”
Kind = “I have a lot to give in a relationship. I am friendly. I am willing to be generous (in time, gifts, words) towards my date.”
Truthful = “I can be honest and gentle about my feelings. I act with integrity. I can admit my mistakes.”
Trustworthy = “I am true to my word. I want to earn the trust of others and keep it. I can be sensitive and considerate.”
Hopeful = “I want to see where this goes. I am going into this with a positive attitude. I can put my hope in God even in difficult circumstances.”
Able to Persevere = “I can navigate unexpected situations. I rely on God to be my strength. I’m willing to deal with rejection.”
Unachievable?
I know this might come across a bit clinical or maybe as completely unachievable. Having been in a position of dating someone who wasn’t sure why they were there, I can tell you that it’s worth being the person who knows why they want to be dating. If you can offer enthusiasm towards showing the above attributes to someone else, you are ready to date. Not only that – but these qualities are also extremely attractive. Who doesn’t want to meet a patient, kind, trustworthy, positive person?! These are green lights for you and for the person you are on a date with – win win!
However, 1 Corinthians 13 warns of being jealous (of others and their relationships) or self-seeking (e.g., “I’m bored, lonely, sexually frustrated, feeling rejected), among other ‘love does not’ phrases. These are not healthy motivations for dating. How can we offer our best to someone if we are angry, proud or tangled in sin? These require time to reflect, pray and heal from, before you move forward in dating.
Ready to Date Sign #3: You are on the same wavelength as the Lord
About 5 years ago someone I know was walking along the streets of Edinburgh. The Fringe Festival was on and there were people everywhere. A man walks past her, she catches his gaze and smiles at him. They both continued on their way. A matter of moments later, she gets a tap on her shoulder. It’s him! He says he couldn’t ignore someone with such a warm smile and asked her if she’d like to go for a drink.
That really happened!
We all love an epic love story and if you’re wanting to date, you’re likely looking for your own one. Strangers passing on the street, eyes meet, the rest is history kind of epic. It’s the thought that consumes all other thoughts and the thing we find ourselves talking to or questioning God on the most. “Where is my person?”
It’s not a promise of God
I’m going to say the thing no one wants to hear – God doesn’t owe you a relationship. It can absolutely be part of His plan for you, a desire He’s placed in your heart or where you believe He will have you best placed to serve his Kingdom in the future. But knowing that this is not a guarantee, but a gift, is vital.
Being ready to date, bottom line, means trusting God. Being open handed with our life to have the courage to say, ‘God, this is a dream of mine’ and not ‘God, where on earth is he/she?!’
You can read more on this in my devotional ‘Trusting Like Elijah – Big faith that helps you date.’
I think it’s more than okay to pray for your future partner (in fact I’d actively encourage it, here’s a few ways to pray for your love life). Ask God for the things you want. But Jesus makes it clear that the greatest command is to ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ (Matthew 22:36-37), not to seek the love of a partner. And of course you shouldn’t have to ask why you want to date a fellow Christian and be with someone who shares your values.
Love is on God’s heart. He is the author of the greatest love story of all time, and He wants to be involved in yours too. Finding balance and peace between our desire for a successful relationship and knowing that without one we aren’t incomplete, puts us in the best position to date.
A great place to start for this is to read “Desire – The Journey We Must Take to Find the Life God Offers” by J.Eldredge, trust me you’ll love it!
Ready to Date Sign #4: You’re happy to share the story
Generally, other people love to hear about who you are dating. Although you might not be ready to shout it from the rooftops, being able to talk to those closest to you (friends, family, a mentor) that you are considering dating or who you are dating is a clear sign that you are ready to date.
Wanting to hide or keep this information from those in your life likely shows that you care more about what other people think about who you choose to date or their judgement if it doesn’t work out. These are normal fears, but if it leads to you keeping your dating life entirely secret, it’s time to pump the breaks.
Sharing this information with others may make you feel vulnerable. This element of personal risk shows that you take dating seriously and are willing to proceed anyway. It’s important to let others speak into our lives. If you have the right people around you, they will speak encouragement over you and can pray for you too!
Ready to Date Sign #5: You know your own boundaries
Whether that’s physical, financial, spiritual, or emotional. Knowing where you won’t compromise, especially when it comes to your faith, is probably the best godly advice for singles looking to date there is.
Being ready means knowing what you don’t want as much as what you do! Check out this video: Boundaries in Christian Dating: Cuddle with Caution. Or this video: Boundaries in Christian Dating: single to married
Making these decisions before someone else’s opinion or your feelings for them can cloud that, will help you stick to them and prevent hurt and regret.
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
(Proverbs 4:23 NLT)
There’s a lot to consider before you start dating:
- Are you willing to date a non-Christian, what does God say about that?
- Can I commit to a long-distance relationship, what would travelling more often mean for my finances?
- Can I have an open conversation about physical touch and intimacy?
This takes emotional maturity to know yourself and what God wants for you. Take the time to consider it before you set off on your dating quest. Hopefully you should be in a place where you feel you have grown and can handle a relationship and can start asking “How can I meet someone with morals?“
Let’s Conclude
I did complete the Marcothon by the way, I’m quite pleased. But January was agony! I’d tell myself (if I ever consider doing it again) to not just go on impulse, but really be ready next time.
I want you to know that you are ready when it comes to dating. Don’t feel out of your depth or in a situation you’re not quite ready for. I want your dating life to flourish and be full of joy. To truly know you are ready means examining your heart and having a good dollop of courage too.
The way I see it; if you’re single, know why you want to date. Make certain you can rest on your relationship with God, invite your people in and set personal boundaries – you are good to go. Have at it! Here’s some tips about how to approach someone at church and elsewhere!
Ready? Download SALT and meet amazing Christians today!
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