We asked our community of single Christians whether they thought the man should pay for the date.

Intro

I recently saw a video on Facebook where a man offered to pay the full bill for a first date with a woman he was interested in. She was grateful, but when he invited her to his place afterward, she declined, saying, “It’s the first date, and I don’t know you.” He took offense, replying, “I don’t know you, but you expected me to pay for the date.” With that, he left her with her portion of the bill at the table.

In another video, a woman was being picked up for her first date. She was a single mother of three and asked her date for money to pay her babysitter and cover a DoorDash order for her kids. The man was caught off guard and declined, saying it wasn’t his responsibility to handle her parental duties. He felt she should have had those arrangements in place before coming outside to meet him.

As you can see, these are two extreme situations. But they raise the same question: should the man pay for the date? SALT Social had a lot to say, and you’ll see perspectives from both men and women. Some believe a man should always pay, while others support splitting the bill or women covering their share.

Pro Men Paying:

“I think a man should pay, he provides! Not only to show his interest but also as an act of kindness!”

“I think the man should pay.. it shows he can take care of you, is caring, considerate etc.”

-Jean

“On the matter at hand, I firmly believe that the gentleman should take care of the bill on the first date. This not only signifies his stability and financial capability but also demonstrates his readiness for a committed relationship. Dating is a precursor to marriage, and financial stability is a crucial aspect of being prepared to start a family. It indicates the ability to be a responsible and supportive husband and father.”

“A Christian man pays because he is a provider. There is no other option, unless girl communicates she only wants to be friends. Let her pay then ;)”

-Izrael

“No splitting AT ALL. I take care of the main events. You show me your feminine side and provide the nurturing. So if we’re going to the movies I’m getting the movie tickets and the popcorn but you show me you care by getting the candy and the ice cream.”

“Yes, I believe guy should pay a date.”

-Trishana

“Maybe I’m old school, but gotta love a guy who is quick to pay… Especially in the early days. Once it’s established that you’re “together” then splitting or taking turns is great.”

-Haven

“No, on splitting the bill. I believe the gentleman should pay.”

“I feel really special (valued) when the man pays and in my experience, most times he does.”

-Alice

“Call me old fashioned but I think when it comes to the first date, the guy should pay. When it’s the second, third and beyond dates, the couple should split the bill.”

-Jermaine 

As you can see from these comments, the idea of men paying is often viewed as a sign of chivalry and being gentlemanly. Where he takes the woman on a date can show his interest, care, and creativity as he pursues her. I grew up in the South in the United States, so I understand the mentality of wanting a man to pay. In some ways, it reflects his financial stability and his desire to provide for the woman.

There are limits

Do I think a man should go broke to impress a woman? No. You can plan a thoughtful date without breaking the budget. It’s unfortunate when some women shame men for being on a budget or not taking them to an expensive restaurant. I once heard a woman say she couldn’t date a man who made less than $100,000 a year. This is a warped mindset, and unfortunately, many women have adopted it, tying a man’s true worth to his income. If you’ve ever heard the phrase “high-value man,” that’s where this mentality often comes from.

A man is not “less than” if he’s being wise with his money and doesn’t take you to a five-star restaurant with a five-course meal. In fact, his financial stewardship now can give you a glimpse into his spending habits if you were to marry him. This is commendable because it shows wisdom and healthy financial priorities.

Now let’s turn to those who believe women should split the bill or even offer to pay. I know many are against this concept, but let’s be open to different opinions. If you don’t agree, you don’t have to follow their advice—but that doesn’t make them any less Christian.

Pro Splitting the Bill/Women Paying:

“Happy to pay, but equally happy to share or if she’s paying. I try to gauge the situation, it usually works out somehow. It’s not really important to me who pays though. It seems important to many that the guy pays, however particularly at the moment it could be difficult for people to pay for two. You often don’t know what financial situation people are in. However a date doesn’t necessarily need to be expensive or cost anything, for example if just going for a walk.”

-LF

“I always offer to pay for the first date and usually do end up paying. However I expect the woman to at least offer to split the bill, even if I refuse the offer. It says a lot about her character, if she doesn’t even offer then she is unlikely to get a 2nd date. Best example – I had a first date with a woman in a different city. She refused to let me pay for the meal, because she said “You took the train to come and see me, trains are expensive” – this was amazing to me, huge green flag.”

-Pav

“I always offer to split, because I think it’s the right thing to do. I typically expect the guy to do the asking for a date, which would lend to him paying for the first date. But that means I grab the second or third one, or at least we start splitting it more evenly down the line.”

“For the first couple of dates, I think whoever asks the other person should pay the bill (unless the price is really high). Afterwards, I would say that each person takes turns or outright split each bill.”

-Ryan 

“A man with the mentality to “provide and protect” will pay the bill. A woman with an independence mentality will offer to split 50/50. This small gesture says a lot about a person.”

-Jewel

“I prefer to split. But I live in the south (southern US), so the man will always insist on paying, and I respect that – it’s the way he was raised. If I like him, I will let him, and say I will get it next time. If I only want to be friends, I will really try hard to pay my part – but the one time a man actually let me, the waitress still put everything on his card and then smiled at me! Can’t fight the whole culture.”

-Michelle

“Yes, split the bill (since it’ll be something small). If we agree to a second date, then I will happily pay for that one. (Which would be more expensive than just an ice cream or coffee).”

“I think talking about it beforehand is important because some people prefer to do different things based off of different factors in their life which is 100% okay. My huge pet peeve, however, is when either party makes paying the bill conditional or is heavily expected by either person. Regardless, I always bring my wallet just in case and don’t mind paying fully or partially as communicated.”

-Emma

“I might be the only one who feels this way, but until I know the person, I pay for myself. It feels like I am indebted to the person if they pay for my meal. That makes me very uncomfortable and I get in my head about it even without meaning to. So if I have been with the person for a while, it is easier to let them pay for me. But if I am just meeting them, 100% I’m paying for myself.”

-Luna

“I am actually a bit put off if a woman doesn’t HONESTLY, attempt to pay. Even though I’m more than happy to Especially when I’ve had a good time. I wouldn’t turn up anywhere expecting people to pay for me unless they’ve specifically said ‘my treat’ or agreed beforehand.”

-Luke

“I would feel too stressed if he paid for the whole thing. I would end up ordering the cheapest thing on the menu. I would much rather split it.”

-Lydia 

Today’s world

We live in a world where many women are making a name for themselves. They’re either running their own businesses or seeking financial independence. If they’re not running companies, many are climbing the corporate ladder and earning at least six figures a year. When a woman offers to pay for her half of the bill, some men view it as considerate. Many interpret it as, “This woman can take care of herself and doesn’t need me to provide for her.”

A lot of Christian men have been burned by women who expected them to “keep them.” There are women who want a man to do everything while they simply relax and spend his money. This is where the term “gold digger” comes into play. Some Christian men have encountered women who only wanted to drain them financially. Because of this, many men find it refreshing when a woman offers to contribute or cover her own portion of the date.

Some women prefer to pay for their share, so they don’t feel obligated at the end of the evening. Many men assume that if they cover everything, the woman owes them sexually in return. For these women, paying their own bill provides a sense of safety and independence.

My Story

Before meeting my husband, I usually carried enough money to pay for my half of the date. If the man offered to cover it, I allowed him to. When I began dating my husband, he always paid for our dates. He never once suggested that I pay my half, but even if he had, it wouldn’t have bothered me. We were long distance, and on his first trip he flew from New York to Texas to visit me. I came prepared for our outings to restaurants and the movie theater, but he had already budgeted to take care of us.

Let’s Conclude

I believe balance is possible. There’s no single right or wrong answer—it comes down to what both the man and the woman are comfortable with. It’s wise for women to come prepared, but if he doesn’t offer, there’s no reason to take offense. If you’d prefer, simply let the other person know you’ll cover your half. If they insist on paying, you can agree and offer to cover something else or the next outing.

I don’t consider the issue of who pays a red flag or a deal breaker. No one is perfect in every area of life, including finances. If someone tells you they’re on a budget, respect their honesty and transparency. You might even suggest a low-cost or free option that doesn’t require much spending. If you enjoy each other’s company and want to continue building the connection, you can figure out together what works best for both of you. 

SALT Social

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