It’s pretty rare that we over-spiritualize something. Most of the time we forget that the things of life are spiritual. So why is Christian dating so hard? Have we over-spiritualized dating?

“I do believe that true love waits. We all have future mates that God prepares for us so you need to wait because God is not late, your future mate will come at the right time. While waiting you need to prepare (caring for yourself, having a stable job, being physically and emotionally ready) for your future mate. In this world full of instant gratification, be the person who’s perfectly molded by the waiting season.”

-Jackie

Do you believe in this? 

The idea of “waiting for the right one” is a concept that is prevalent in the church.  The heart behind this seems to be in the right place – you don’t want to compromise if you believe that God has someone perfect out there for you, and if you go for it in your own strength, you might miss out!  This is a fear that haunts so many Christians and is a big reason why we see believers delay marriage for so long.  So is this way of thinking the best way to find someone who’s right for you, or will you actually end up missing some potentially amazing partners?

The real question is – do we over-spiritualize dating?

The SALT Social community has some thoughts that I find particularly interesting.  Here’s a perspective that challenges it:

“I believe in free will and I believe that God is sovereign, but if we married the wrong people then how can we believe that God has the right partner for us? The right partner could have married the wrong person too, and then what happens?”

-Amanda

This is an important question, because I think people believe that if they get married ahead of God’s leading, then they’ll miss the right person and end up in an unhappy relationship.  I don’t know where this way of thinking came from, but if you do truly believe that, then waiting (seemingly indefinitely) for the “right one” is justified because who wants to end up in an unhappy marriage?  That would ruin your whole life and you’d only have yourself to blame!

The Next Question

I suppose we then have to ask “how do we know when we’ve found the right one?”  We all like to think we can hear God very clearly, but can we really?  1 Corinthians 13:9 says that we know in part and prophesy in part, which most people interpret to mean our ability to hear God is only partial in this life.  This makes sense because our relationship with God is mostly “invisible” and we hear him in our heads, in our hearts, but rarely does God part the clouds and say “you should marry Sonia!”  And I think it’s probably this way on purpose because we’re also meant to be involved.

“I think that if someone is ‘the one’, it will feel right, there will be no ‘buts’.”

-Rita

So is that what we’re waiting for?

Someone with no ‘but’s?  What would you classify as a ‘but’?  Does a ‘no buts’ relationship even exist?  It sounds to me like what we’re waiting for is perfection, which you might be waiting your whole life for.

“I guess if we can over-spiritualize dating we can under-spiritualize it too! Meaning we go about dating with no thought to God and his role in this process. I’ve been accused of both (by the same person in the same conversation) but personally I think I’ve got the balance just right 👌😜”

-Adam

The Balance

Adam’s probably right – there’s a balance between seeking God’s guidance and just going after whoever sounds good to you.  I wonder if knowing God and knowing yourself can turn into a kind of intuition where these things don’t have to be at odds?  That’s probably a deeper spiritual and theological question here about the nature of man and whether the Holy Spirit inside of us can become so familiar that we just naturally move as he moves… sounds good on paper, anyway.

“I see people interpret their own heart’s insecurities, anxieties, and irrational fears as an answer from God without seeking any sort of clarity through prayer or counsel. That is my input.”

-Sonia

That’s the fear, at least for me, of waiting until it feels “right”.  Our concept of God can get so caught up in our feelings that we may miss someone amazing.  What to do, what to do!?  Analysis paralysis can really mess us up, and Christian spirituality can be a minefield for it!  Who’s got the right answer?

“Following God’s will is of utmost importance, but we need to act and also to get to know people to see the beautiful work of God in each person. We expect the perfect person to appear, but in doing so we may miss the value in people by fixating on our lists over valuing each treasure before us.”

-Alison

Looking Beyond Expectations

This is such an incredible sentiment.  God made everyone beautifully and wonderfully, and we’re out here judging everyone to death because we’ve been sold this stuff about “finding the one” and “prayerfully considering every person”, when in reality maybe we should just come back down to earth a little and see Jesus in the eyes of people, rather than just with our eyes closed in prayer?

“Sometimes our own fears and emotions can hinder us from being proactive, and instead we use spirituality as the reason for why we are passive.”

-Angela

I say – go out there and meet people.  Figure out what you’re looking for, not with a list in your bedroom (other than non-negotiables like if they want children, etc), but through connection and relationship.  Always be safe, but take a few risks on some new people.  The dating pool isn’t lane swimming, it’s deep and wide and we need to put aside our fears and jump in.

SALT Social

Conversations like these can really help us feel connected in an increasingly solitary world.  Come connect with a vibrant community of single Christians on SOCIAL – a community feed built right into the SALT app!  

SOCIAL is the go-to space for users to connect on a fun, engaging platform that’s about sharing life together.  Ask for relationship advice, share a worship song, or post a photo of your favourite coffee spot.  And who knows, you might meet someone amazing along the way!

Join in the conversation today on SOCIAL! You’ll need to download the SALT app to not miss out.

Want to hear what our community said about whether guys should make the first move? Read it here.

Or would you like some first date tips and tricks? Read them here