This blog post explores kissing in Christian relationships and why it might be better to avoid kissing altogether.

TL;DR: The Summary

I’m going to take the stance that it depends on the person. This is where self-awareness becomes incredibly important.

If you know you have a sexual past and you’re trying to do things God’s way now—or if you know that physical touch and affection easily stir desire in you—it may be wise to refrain from kissing altogether, at least in the beginning. And that’s something you should communicate clearly to the person you’re dating. Let them know you want to honor God and honor them.

On the other hand, maybe kissing has never been an issue for you. It’s never triggered you. It’s never led you further than you intended.

In that case, communication still matters. You can be okay with kissing while still setting boundaries. A simple peck on the cheek or lips may be fine, while making out and anything beyond that is off the table. Again, this is about knowing yourself.

If you fall into the first category, here are five reasons why it may be a good idea to refrain from kissing while dating.

1. Emotional momentum builds fast
2. Past wounds resurface quickly
3. Physical cues blur boundaries
4. Conviction gets quieter over time
5. Clarity comes from slowing down

Again, you need to know yourself and your tendencies. It’s possible that you need stricter boundaries in the beginning, but as your relationship progresses, those boundaries may change. My husband and I experienced this firsthand. He didn’t want to kiss in the beginning because he knew his past and wanted to protect me. Over time, once he saw that I respected his boundaries and that neither one of us was trying to tempt the other, we revisited the rule and decided together that kissing was okay.

Intro

“To kiss or not to kiss before your wedding?” This topic can go both ways in the Christian circle. Some say kissing in Christian relationships is a hard no, and this is usually due to purity culture. Others will say it’s okay because you need to know if you have romantic chemistry with the person you’re dating.

Personally, I don’t think there needs to be a hard rule with this. When we’re not careful, hard rules can turn into legalism, and legalism often leads to shame. Purity culture, in my opinion, had good intentions, but it went too far. Too many Christians felt trapped under a long list of “do nots.” Some became so discouraged and frustrated that they rebelled completely, doing whatever they wanted because they felt suffocated rather than supported.

Jesus didn’t come to keep us bound. He came to free us. “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” He did the heavy lifting for us so we don’t have to live weighed down by fear or pressure. At the same time, freedom doesn’t mean carelessness.

Biblical Advice on Kissing in Christian Relationships

Let’s be honest—there is no Dating 101 chapter in the Bible. There aren’t step-by-step instructions for modern dating, and there are no direct guidelines that say whether or not you can kiss before marriage. But Scripture does give us wisdom. We know we’re called to flee sexual immorality. We know we shouldn’t put ourselves in tempting situations. And we know God cares deeply about the condition of our hearts, not just our outward behavior.

So with that being clear, is there a gray area? For some people, kissing is harmless. It doesn’t awaken anything deeper. It doesn’t lead them further physically. For others, kissing is the doorway that leads straight to crossing lines they never intended to cross. So should you kiss or not when dating?

Self-Examination

Before we go any further, this is where honesty has to come in. Dating in a God-honoring way requires more than good intentions. It requires self-examination. You have to be willing to ask yourself hard questions without rushing to justify your answers. Not what sounds spiritual. Not what other Christians are doing. But what is actually true for you.

Some people want a universal rule because it removes responsibility. If the rule says “yes,” there’s no need to check your heart. If the rule says “no,” there’s no need to seek wisdom. But God doesn’t usually work that way. He invites us into relationship, not shortcuts.

This is where prayer matters. Not a quick prayer for permission, but honest conversations with God about your desires, your triggers, and your fears. Are you wanting to kiss because it strengthens connection, or because it helps you feel secure? Are you avoiding boundaries because you trust God—or because you’re afraid of losing the person?

Have Your Own Convictions

Discernment doesn’t come from copying someone else’s convictions. It comes from being willing to sit with God long enough to hear Him clearly. And sometimes His guidance will feel restrictive—not because He’s controlling, but because He’s protective. Dating with intention means choosing wisdom even when no one else is watching. It means being willing to go slower than your emotions want to move. That kind of maturity doesn’t weaken a relationship—it strengthens it.

Even if you do end up “losing the person,” are they really someone you’d want to be with? Too many Christian singles settle for less simply to avoid being alone. If the person you’re dating says, “It doesn’t take all that,” or, “You’re asking for too much,” there’s your answer right there. You don’t need to pray and fast asking God what to do. They’ve already shown you who they are, and it’s time to cut ties. Why? Because if you stay, they will be the ones influencing you—not the other way around.

However, if the person not only respects your boundaries but also has some of their own, there could be potential. That doesn’t automatically mean they’re “the one,” as you still need to evaluate other factors to ensure there’s true alignment. The point is, the right person will want to honor God alongside you.

As you can see, not kissing in Christian relationships doesn’t have to be a rule that lasts forever. And even if you decide to wait until your wedding day, you have the rest of your lives to kiss. Waiting isn’t loss—it’s patience. So let’s talk through why waiting may be a good idea, without falling into legalism.

1. Emotional momentum builds fast

That first kiss is rarely just a kiss—especially when your heart is already involved. Kissing in Christian relationships has a way of accelerating emotional intimacy before you’ve fully built spiritual alignment or practical compatibility. Feelings deepen quickly, sometimes faster than wisdom can keep up.

When physical affection enters the relationship early, it can cause you to bond emotionally before you’ve had the chance to truly evaluate the relationship. Chemistry can begin to feel like confirmation. Attraction can start to feel like direction. And without realizing it, your discernment gets pushed to the backseat.

God isn’t trying to ‘spoil the fun’

God isn’t trying to withhold intimacy from you. He’s protecting your clarity. When physical affection is paused, your emotional and spiritual connection is given room to grow at a healthier pace. You’re not denying yourself something good—you’re allowing space for truth to surface.

I can personally attest to the way kissing too soon can cloud judgment. When you’re focused on how someone makes you feel, it becomes easier to ignore red flags. This is often how people stay in relationships for years—two, three, even four—only to eventually realize they don’t actually have a future together. Sex and sensuality have a way of blinding people just enough to delay the truth. Scripture calls us to be sober-minded, and that includes our dating lives. Emotional sobriety allows us to honor God with clear thinking and intentional choices.

2. Past wounds resurface quickly

If you’ve made sexual mistakes in the past, kissing in Christian relationships can awaken things you’ve worked hard to put to death. This isn’t about lacking discipline—it’s about understanding your own history. Sometimes a seemingly small act can reopen doors you thought were closed or stir up emotions tied to old shame.

That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re self-aware. Waiting isn’t punishment. It’s stewardship. It’s you saying, “God has healed me, and I want to protect what He’s restored.” You’re not afraid of falling—you simply refuse to fall into the same patterns again.

Sex within marriage

God desires for you to enjoy intimacy within marriage without shame. He wants your sex life with your spouse to be free, joyful, and honoring to Him. Standing at the altar with a clean conscience is powerful. I experienced that on my wedding day. When I realized that God wanted glory even in my sex life, my perspective shifted completely.

Yes, my husband and I kissed before marriage, but that was it. We never made room for temptation. We were never alone in private spaces. If we were “alone,” it was always in a semi-public setting. The first time I was truly alone with my husband was after we left the wedding venue. Those choices mattered. Not because God was watching with a checklist, but because we were protecting something sacred.

3. Physical cues blur boundaries

When kissing becomes part of your regular dating routine, boundaries can become unclear very quickly. What starts as “just kissing” often leads to the body wanting more. And passion doesn’t politely wait for your spiritual goals to catch up. Physical desire is powerful. It isn’t evil—but it is strong. Without intentional boundaries, it can easily take the lead in the relationship.

Keeping God at the center means creating boundaries that support your convictions instead of constantly testing them. This isn’t about proving how strong you are. It’s about building a relationship that doesn’t rely on physical escalation to feel close or connected.

This is why my husband and I never made out. There was no French kissing. We didn’t want to awaken things that didn’t need to be stirred yet. Again, this wasn’t forever—it was temporary. After marriage, the marriage bed is undefiled. There is freedom and safety within that covenant.

4. Conviction gets quieter over time

One of the most subtle dangers in dating is not outright rebellion, but gradual compromise. When you repeatedly cross a line—even one that feels small—your sensitivity can dull over time. What once caused you to pause may start to feel normal.

Conviction doesn’t always disappear loudly. Sometimes it fades quietly. This isn’t about living in fear or guilt. It’s about protecting a soft heart. When your peace begins to shift, that matters. Staying sensitive to God requires intentional choices that guard your spiritual awareness.

Living in a way that protects you from yourself is wisdom. It also communicates respect to the person you’re dating. Boundaries are not over-the-top—they’re evidence that you value obedience, honor, and long-term integrity.

5. Clarity comes from slowing down

When physical affection is removed or delayed, clarity increases. You begin to see the relationship for what it truly is. Can you communicate well? Do you pray together? Can you navigate disagreement without relying on affection to smooth things over? Waiting on kissing in Christian relationships doesn’t make you rigid. It makes you intentional.

You’re no longer measuring the relationship by how it feels in a moment, but by what it can sustain long-term. God honors pace. Slowing down gives you the space to determine whether what you’re experiencing is love—or simply longing wrapped in chemistry.

My experience of marriage

I haven’t been married long, but I know this much: life will happen. Hard seasons will come. Marriage requires unity and spiritual grounding. Chemistry alone will not hold you together when challenges arise. A foundation rooted in Christ is what allows a marriage to withstand opposition. Romance matters—but it doesn’t uphold a marriage on its own.

God never called us to extremes or legalism. This isn’t about following a rigid rulebook. It’s about wisdom. Some couples will feel peace kissing before marriage. Others will recognize that it quickly derails their walk.

Ask the Holy Spirit about kissing in Christian relationships. Have honest conversations with the person you’re dating. Invite God into every discussion—not just the spiritual ones. You’re not “too holy” for boundaries. You’re simply serious about honoring God and protecting what you’re building.

Ready to meet some incredible singles? Download the SALT app today to potentially meet your spouse online!