Here’s some advice from the single Christians of SALT about how to date well as a Christian introvert.

The Introvert Problem

This is gonna sound weird, but follow me here: I love playing Magic the Gathering on my own. 

Forget being nerdy – I’m next-level. Magic is a social card game, meant to be played with 4 players over a coffee or a beer. It’s literally in the title – the Gathering. But for me, it’s Magic the Scattering, because I can’t wait for my friends to go home so I can just play with my cards alone and pretend I’m summoning a huge creature from the abyss to take out all my opponents. Like all good 37-year olds like doing.

Okay so maybe it is a little weird, but you get the idea: I like my alone time.  I recharge from being by myself and spend that energy when I’m with others.

It should come as no surprise, then, when I say that first dates can be daunting.  I don’t know the other person (really), the stakes are high, both of us are eyeing each other up for red flags and, although hoping for connection, not feeling very hopeful. And for me, a self-described loner, first dates are riddled with fear – from years of believing the worst about myself because I assumed I wasn’t cool enough or interesting enough or just not normal enough.

The Advice

Robert from SALT SOCIAL said it best:

“Being introverted amplifies rejection – it’s harder to initiate conversations.  I hate small talk with a passion.  It can be really disheartening!”

So why am I like this? 

I wasn’t an only child (although my brother is a fair bit younger than me).  I’m not a bitter person or a passionless one – if anything, I get too into things and pour my whole heart and soul into them, even silly little unimportant hobbies.  I’m not a judgmental person at all, I accept people from all walks of life and love seeing what the apostle Paul calls the “manifold wisdom of God” through His church (Eph 3:10).

I’m sure there’s more self-analysis I could do (lol), but for now I’ve come to the conclusion that this might just be the life of an introvert.  It’s a lonely life sometimes, but it’s the only one I know. I’ll hang out with friends, enjoy it (if they’re my people), but be thinking the whole time about how I’m going to head out the door.

More Advice For Introverts

Katrina summed it up poignantly:

“As an introvert, I have no idea if the person I’m on a date with is interested in me because I’m so focused on an exit strategy from whatever social situation I’m in…”

First dates are just an anxiety-riddled speedbump on my journey to find a partner.  And all of this really makes me feel like there’s something deeply wrong with me.

It doesn’t help that in Christendom, in an attempt at becoming the people God calls us to be, we often spiritualize and demonize things about people and ourselves, rather than accept people for who they are:

“Fear, anxiety, worry, self-pity, self-absorption, lack of confidence, rejection – all are contributors.  None of this is from God, in fact they’re demonic spirits that oppress.”

-Gabbie

“The lack of communication skills from introverts is just passivity masquerading as a personality.”

-Thomas

Demon-possessed? Passive? I can’t just be myself if I want to follow Jesus – I have to be better?  Yes.  Always better.  Always stronger.  Always someone besides myself.

“My advice for dating?  Do your best but don’t pretend to be someone else! You won’t be able to sustain a fake persona for long.”

Allison

Online Dating For Introverts

That’s why (shameless plug) it was a breath of fresh air when I discovered SALT for the first time. After years of wandering aimlessly, I’ve now found a home in my amazing wife who I met on SALT.  Being able to match with people who I know share my values and chat online without that first date pressure made getting to know her a lot less awkward and a lot more fun.  She’s smart, hilarious, gorgeous, and most importantly – she totally understands (and even shares!) my need for space and “me time”.  I can sit on my own in the evening with my Magic cards and she is happy to do her thing too.  I never would have hit the jackpot like that through traditional Christian dating methods.

“God gives each person their unique and special personalities.  It all depends on the two people involved – their differences can complement each other and be a plus for both of them.”

-Eva

I know they say the online world can be really disconnecting for people, but for us introverts, it can be a portal into profound relationships.  Turns out Jesus is king online, as well!

So boys and girls, I can now assuredly say – there’s hope for us after all.  If God can get me here, he can get you there too.

SALT Social

Conversations like these can really help us feel connected in an increasingly solitary world.  Come connect with a vibrant community of single Christians on SOCIAL – a community feed built right into the SALT app!  

SOCIAL is the go-to space for users to connect on a fun, engaging platform that’s about sharing life together.  Ask for relationship advice, share a worship song, or post a photo of your favourite coffee spot.  And who knows, you might meet someone amazing along the way!

Join in the conversation today on SOCIAL! You’ll need to download the SALT app to not miss out.

Sometimes Christians give cliche answers in Christian dating. If you enjoy a laugh read all the Christian dating cliches here.