Navigating the world of Christian dating can feel like walking a fine line between wisdom and excitement. We’re called to love each other and grow in relationship, yet the question of timing, especially when it comes to meeting someone in person, can leave us wondering. How many messages should we exchange before deciding it’s time to meet? What’s the balance between getting to know someone and making sure we’re acting in faith, not just out of impulsive desire?

As a Christian, our relationships should be built on a foundation of trust, mutual respect, and, most importantly, prayer. And while every relationship is different, there are a few guiding principles we can follow to help us discern the right time to meet in person.

1. Take Your Time to Pray for Guidance

Before diving into messages and chats, start by praying. Trust in the Holy Spirit to lead your steps. Whether it’s on a dating app like SALT or meeting someone through friends or church, prayer will give you peace about the direction to take. Ask God for wisdom to discern His timing.

2. Gauge Your Compatibility

One of the main benefits of messaging first is to assess compatibility. This isn’t just about shared hobbies, but also deeper matters like faith, values, and life goals. Are you both passionate about growing in your relationship with Christ? Are you aligned in your commitment to biblical principles?

3. Stay Transparent About Your Intentions

From the very first message, it’s important to be clear about your intentions. If you’re looking for something serious, it’s best to make that known early. This honesty helps set the right tone and expectations, avoiding any confusion or misunderstandings down the road.

4. Build a Foundation of Friendship

The beauty of Christian dating is that it’s rooted in the concept of genuine friendship before romance. A strong friendship is built over time. Don’t rush things or feel pressured to meet in person too quickly. A solid friendship is the foundation of a lasting relationship.

5. Be Intentional with Communication

While it’s easy to rely on messaging, don’t let it become your sole mode of communication. Be intentional in how you talk, share, and ask questions. Is there a sense of mutual interest in each other’s lives? Are the conversations enriching? Aim for meaningful conversations rather than superficial exchanges.

6. Avoid Moving Too Fast

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of someone new, but resist the urge to rush. There’s no set number of messages, but it’s important to ensure that your heart is at peace and that you’ve spent enough time talking to truly understand the other person’s character and intentions. If you feel tempted to meet too soon, take a step back and evaluate your feelings.

7. Look for Signs of Spiritual Maturity

One key to a lasting relationship is spiritual maturity. As you communicate, notice how the other person talks about their relationship with God. Are they humble, seeking to grow? How do they handle challenges in life? It’s vital that you both share a similar level of maturity in your walk with Christ before meeting in person.

8. Don’t Fear Rejection—Trust God’s Timing

Sometimes we worry that if we wait too long, the other person may lose interest. But remember, our God is a God of perfect timing. If someone truly shares your values and intentions, they will respect the process and understand the need for thoughtful consideration before meeting in person. If they don’t, then it’s okay to move forward and trust that God has someone else in mind for you.

9. Consider Shared Interests and Activities

It’s great to find out if you share similar hobbies or passions. If you’ve been exchanging messages for a while and discover a shared interest in, say, volunteering, church events, or hiking, that can be an excellent first date idea. Activities like these provide natural conversation starters and give you a chance to see how the other person behaves in different situations.

10. Stay Safe and Set Boundaries

Safety is paramount when it comes to meeting someone new, especially if you’ve only communicated through messages. Ensure that your first meeting takes place in a public, well-populated space where you both feel comfortable. Communicate boundaries clearly—both physical and emotional—so that you are on the same page.

11. Have a Clear Plan for the Meeting

Once you’ve exchanged a reasonable number of messages, it’s time to consider meeting. Be sure to have a clear plan for the date. Where will you meet? What will you do? Having a structured plan helps avoid awkwardness and ensures the meeting is enjoyable for both of you.

12. Make Sure You’re Both Ready for the Next Step

Before you meet in person, ask yourself if you’re both ready for this step. It’s not just about how many messages you’ve exchanged; it’s about ensuring that both of you feel comfortable and that God is leading you to take that next step in faith. If either of you feels unsure, that’s okay—there’s no rush.

13. Maintain a Healthy Pace

Everyone has their own pace when it comes to building relationships. Some may feel comfortable after only a few messages, while others may need more time. Keep the pace slow and steady, and don’t rush into anything. The best relationships take time to develop.

14. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask the Hard Questions

Before meeting in person, take time to ask the tough questions. These might include inquiries about family values, long-term goals, and how the person prioritizes their faith. Don’t be afraid to have deep conversations, as they can help you understand if this person is someone you’d like to pursue further.

15. Trust Your Intuition

God has given us the gift of discernment, and it’s important to listen to it. If something doesn’t feel right or if you have doubts, take a step back. Trust that God will lead you toward someone who aligns with His will for your life. Don’t settle or rush into anything prematurely.

16. Consider the Person’s Lifestyle and Values

Christian dating is about finding someone who shares your values—not just your beliefs, but your lifestyle. Are they committed to growing in their faith, to living out the gospel, and to serving others? Do they make time for church, prayer, and Bible study? These aspects are essential to a long-term partnership.

17. Stay Focused on God’s Purpose for Your Life

Remember that your relationship with God comes first. As you navigate the dating world, keep your focus on fulfilling His purpose for your life. If a relationship isn’t helping you grow in faith, it might be a sign to slow down or take a step back. Always keep your priorities in line with God’s will.

18. Take Advantage of Christian Dating Platforms

SALT, a Christian dating app, can be an excellent tool to connect with others who share your faith. It provides an intentional space where people can meet, chat, and get to know one another with a shared commitment to Christ. Through apps like SALT, you can establish genuine relationships that reflect your Christian values, while also helping to guide you through the dating process with wisdom.

19. Seek Counsel from Trusted Mentors

As you move forward, don’t hesitate to ask for advice from trusted mentors or friends. Sometimes, getting an outside perspective can be invaluable. They can offer insights or even challenge you to slow down if necessary.

20. Don’t Rush the Process—Enjoy the Journey

Lastly, don’t feel pressured to move fast. The Christian dating journey is about building a meaningful, Christ-centered relationship. Enjoy each step along the way—whether you’re messaging, meeting in person, or simply praying for God’s guidance. Trust that God has a plan for your love story, and trust that His timing is perfect.

In the end, how many messages should you exchange before meeting in person? The answer is simple—when both of you are ready, comfortable, and aligned in purpose. Be patient, trust the process, and know that God is with you every step of the way.