Deciding how long to be engaged before marriage is one of the biggest questions Christian couples face. If you’re in a serious relationship and moving toward marriage, you might be wondering: How long is too long? How short is too short? What does the Bible say?

The truth is, there’s no single answer that fits every couple. But there are biblical principles, wisdom, and practical considerations that can help guide you. If you’re engaged—or hoping to be soon—here’s what you need to know.

1. Engagement Is Not Just a Countdown, It’s a Preparation Season

Engagement is more than a waiting period before the wedding. It’s a time to prepare your hearts, minds, and lives for the covenant of marriage. The length of your engagement should reflect the time needed to prepare spiritually, emotionally, and practically.

Some couples rush through engagement in a few months, only to face unexpected struggles after the wedding. Others stay engaged for years and battle unnecessary temptation or frustration. The key is finding the right balance for your unique relationship.

2. The Bible Doesn’t Give a Specific Timeline—But It Gives Wisdom

You won’t find a Bible verse that says, “Thou shalt be engaged for exactly 12 months.” However, Scripture does offer guidance on wise decision-making, sexual purity, and the importance of seeking counsel.

Proverbs 15:22 reminds us: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Seek wisdom from trusted mentors, pastors, and married couples who have walked this path before.

3. Rushing Into Marriage Can Lead to Regret

A short engagement is not necessarily a bad thing, but rushing into marriage without proper preparation can be dangerous. Love is exciting, but marriage is a lifelong commitment.

I once knew a couple who got engaged after just three months of dating and were married within six months. They were deeply in love, but they hadn’t taken time to discuss important topics like finances, conflict resolution, or family expectations. Unfortunately, within a year, they faced serious struggles that could have been avoided with better preparation.

4. Long Engagements Can Bring Unnecessary Struggles

On the flip side, an engagement that drags on for years can create its own challenges. Extended engagements can lead to increased temptation, frustration, and even doubts about the relationship.

One couple I counseled was engaged for three years because they wanted to be financially stable before marriage. But during that time, they struggled with boundaries and emotional burnout. They eventually realized they were delaying for the wrong reasons. Once they focused on their readiness rather than their ideal circumstances, they moved forward confidently.

5. A Healthy Engagement Typically Lasts Between 6-18 Months

For most Christian couples, an engagement between six and eighteen months provides enough time to plan a wedding, receive premarital counseling, and prepare for married life—without dragging things out unnecessarily.

Of course, there are exceptions. If you’re in a long-distance relationship or waiting for school or work commitments to align, a longer engagement might make sense. But if you’re financially and spiritually ready, there’s often no need to delay.

6. Use This Time for Premarital Counseling

Whether your engagement is short or long, make premarital counseling a priority. Studies show that couples who receive counseling before marriage have a significantly lower divorce rate.

Find a pastor, counselor, or experienced Christian couple to walk with you. Talk through topics like communication, conflict, finances, intimacy, and faith. A solid foundation before marriage can save you from unnecessary heartache later.

7. Engagement Shouldn’t Replace Courtship—It Should Build on It

If engagement is the first time you’re having deep conversations about faith, finances, family, and future goals, you might need to slow down. These discussions should begin during dating, not engagement.

A healthy Christian relationship should be built on intentional courtship. If you’re still in the dating stage and looking for a faith-centered community, consider using a Christian dating app like SALT. It connects like-minded believers who are serious about building Christ-centered relationships.

8. Avoid the Pressure of “Keeping Up”

Some couples feel pressured to rush their engagement because their friends are getting married. Others delay unnecessarily because of financial or social expectations.

God’s timing for your relationship is unique. Pray, seek counsel, and trust that His plan is better than any external pressure.

9. Set Boundaries to Honor God During Engagement

Long or short, engagement can be a spiritually challenging season. Physical temptation is real, and many couples struggle with boundaries.

Be intentional about setting safeguards—whether it’s accountability partners, limiting alone time in certain situations, or maintaining clear communication about your commitment to purity.

10. Financial Preparation Matters—But It’s Not Everything

Money is a big factor in engagement length. Some couples wait until they’re completely financially stable, while others jump in without any planning.

It’s wise to be financially prepared, but remember, you’re building a life together. If you’re responsible, have a plan, and trust God, financial perfection isn’t a prerequisite for marriage.

11. Don’t Let Wedding Planning Distract You from Marriage Preparation

It’s easy to spend months planning a perfect wedding and forget to prepare for a lifelong marriage. Engagement is a time for more than just choosing flowers and venues—it’s about preparing your hearts.

12. Seek Wisdom from Married Couples You Trust

Talk to strong Christian couples about their engagement experiences. Ask what they did well and what they would do differently. Their insights can help you avoid pitfalls and make wise choices.

13. Pray Together and Seek God’s Direction

Your relationship should be built on prayer. Pray together about your engagement length, future marriage, and God’s purpose for your relationship.

14. Evaluate Your Readiness—Not Just Your Feelings

Love is powerful, but it’s not the only factor in deciding engagement length. Ask yourself:

• Have we had important conversations about life, faith, and expectations?
• Are we both emotionally and spiritually mature?
• Are we prepared for the responsibilities of marriage?

15. Consider Your Family and Community’s Input

While the decision is ultimately between you and God, seeking advice from trusted family members and mentors can provide valuable perspective.

16. Beware of Unnecessary Delays

Some couples use engagement as an excuse to avoid commitment. If you’re delaying for fear of commitment or uncertainty, take time to evaluate whether marriage is truly the right step.

17. Be United in Your Decision

Make sure you and your fiancé(e) are on the same page about your engagement length. If one of you is eager to marry while the other wants to wait years, that’s a conversation worth having.

18. Keep the Bigger Picture in Mind

Engagement is temporary—marriage is for life. Keep your focus on the bigger picture rather than getting caught up in the details of the wedding day.

19. If You’re Struggling to Find a Godly Partner, Be Intentional

If you’re single and looking for a Christ-centered relationship, be intentional about where you meet people. Consider using a Christian dating platform like SALT to connect with like-minded believers who share your values.

20. Trust God’s Timing

At the end of the day, trust God’s timing for your relationship. Whether your engagement is short or long, seek wisdom, honor God, and prepare well for the beautiful covenant of marriage.