This blog post will help you discern whether you have the gift of singleness from God or whether you’re just single right now.
TL;DR: The Summary
Do you have the gift of singleness? Whether it’s just a season or a lifelong calling, remember you’re complete in Jesus Christ first. Check out these signs. If none ring true, you may not be called to permanent singleness:
- Complete fulfilment in your own company
- No desire for romantic commitment
- Emotional independence
- A Clear Sense of Calling
- Inner Peace
What’s sad is that some church communities put pressure on singles to get married. If not they’re somehow less than or aren’t valued as a married person. This is not what the Bible teaches.
In 1 Corinthians 7:6-7, it says “But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.” Paul actually advocates for singleness as opposed to marriage. While there’s nothing wrong with marriage, your attention is divided between the Lord and your spouse. Can God get the glory out of you two together? Of course, but there’s more freedom when you’re not married. Again, Paul is saying that both are a gift, but if he had to choose, he would choose singleness. So let’s go through this list do determine if you’re fully called to singleness. If not, as I said before, keep the faith for it.
Intro
“Maybe I’m meant to be alone for the rest of my life.” As Christian singles get older, many begin to wonder if they’re supposed to stay single forever. Not being married by 30, 40, or even 50 sometimes feels like a sign that God wants them alone. Yet the desire for marriage remains, raising the question: How can you be called to singleness if you still long for marriage? What should you do—simply give up and accept being single because you’ve passed a certain age?
I believe there’s a balance. If you truly want to be married, you can keep faith alive. Some choose to be single for a season to focus on themselves or to heal after a breakup. Long-term singleness, however, doesn’t always mean you’re called to it.
So, how do you know? Let’s start with a clear point: If you’ve never in your life desired marriage, you’re likely called to singleness. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re simply devoted fully to the Lord, finding love and fulfilment through friends, family, and community. If that’s you, embrace it without shame.
Complete fulfilment in your own company
I’ve heard stories about single life being simpler, like not having to argue over the thermostat. You set it how you want and enjoy what you like—music, movies, whatever—without worrying about someone else’s taste. Do you enjoy your own company? Not in a shut-the-world-out way, but in a calm, content way that rarely leaves you feeling lonely. Your mind isn’t constantly longing for someone else’s presence. Even when you watch romantic films, you don’t get sad thinking, “I wish I had that.” You just enjoy the movie for what it is.
If you’ve never pictured yourself with a partner, maybe you’re called to singleness. And that’s perfectly fine. Society often tries to make us feel like there’s something wrong if we don’t want a relationship. Even family can pressure us into thinking we’re missing out. But none of that is true. I’ve met people who never once felt the urge to marry. They love God, serve in their churches, and prefer to remain unmarried.
On the other hand, if you’ve always pictured yourself married, take a deep breath. You’re not meant to stay single forever. Even if you’re single for a time, God can bring change in a moment. The key is staying encouraged. I can’t say when your singleness will end, but someday you’ll look back and see God’s perfect timing in it all.
No desire for a romantic commitment
You may have dated in high school and college, but some people simply aren’t cut out for long-term commitment. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people, but not everyone can honestly say, “for better or worse, and forsaking all others” in marriage. Does this mean you should only date casually and play with people’s emotions? No. But if you know you don’t see anything long-term with someone, be honest about it. There’s no sense in raising their hopes if you’re not going to commit.
There’s nothing wrong if you’ve never desired someone romantically for the long haul. You might enjoy the movie The Wedding Planner, but that doesn’t mean you want an unexpected romance like Jennifer Lopez’s character. Romance is everywhere—in movies, TV shows, and songs. Even Christmas movies often lean toward romance rather than focusing on Jesus’ birth. The world may scream “romance,” but you don’t have to embrace it if it’s not what you truly want.
Single focus
If you read further in 1 Corinthians 7:32-33, you’ll find, “But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife.” As I said earlier, your attention isn’t divided when you’re single. You have more time to devote to the Lord and discover what He’s called you to do. Paul encouraged this, especially since we’re living in the last days, with Jesus’ return being imminent.
As a single person, you can focus on God’s calling for you without distractions. Yes, you can serve God along with a spouse, but it’s not a sin if you don’t marry. Marriage is not the end-all, be-all, and it’s not a salvation issue. So, if you don’t have romantic feelings for anyone and you’re determined to live a pure life before the Lord, go for it. However, if you do have a healthy sexual desire and want a covenant relationship with a husband or wife, God honors that desire, too.
Emotional independence
“I just can’t seem to get over my ex” or “I can’t imagine the rest of my life without this person.” If you’ve never had these feelings or have never truly felt connected to someone on that level, you may be more emotionally independent. This doesn’t mean you don’t love or care about others, but if you’ve never had serious feelings for someone, it’s possible that you’re meant to be single.
I’ve heard stories of people so emotionally attached to someone that, if they’re not careful, they feel as if their whole world would crash and burn without that person. Being in love is powerful, which is why it’s not wise to date before you’re ready to handle its intensity. Think about your first heartbreak. If it happened during your teenage years, you probably felt as if your whole life were over. This person left you, and you didn’t know how to move forward.
You’re secure
On the other hand, maybe you’ve always been secure in who you are. You may have felt heartache, but you didn’t take it to an extreme. Your life wasn’t over—the relationship was. You knew your worth, moved on more quickly than others, and maybe people around you wondered, “Do you even care?” It’s not that you don’t, but your emotions are wired differently. There’s nothing wrong with that, and if you’ve never wanted that deep connection with a spouse, you may be called to singleness.
It’s not because you’re afraid or burned by a past relationship. Some think they’re called to singleness because they made vows out of pain: “I’m never going to get hurt like that again, so I’ll just be alone for the rest of my life.” That might seem logical, but it’s not the same as never desiring marriage. You’re not protecting yourself by making that kind of vow. You’re doing a disservice to yourself and your future spouse. By hiding your heart, you’ll miss out on the person God may have for you. If you’ve let your heart grow cold and calloused, you might be keeping yourself single.
So, I’ll ask again: have you ever desired to be emotionally connected to someone—to be vulnerable and share everything? If yes, then you’re not called to singleness.
A Clear Sense of Calling
There are some who don’t desire marriage because they feel God has called them to something greater than themselves. This often happens with full-time missionaries. They’re called to different places around the world, and it can be easier for them not to be tied to a spouse. This doesn’t mean you can’t serve God with your spouse. I’ve heard of many husband-and-wife teams who travel the world serving Jesus. Even if they aren’t traveling, they might be called to pastor together or serve in another capacity.
If you’re focused on the mission God has given you, there’s nothing wrong with pursuing it on your own. Truthfully, you’re not alone. Paul is a great example. While he didn’t marry, God still brought people into his life who helped him share the Gospel on his journeys. His life wasn’t unfulfilled. He learned how to “abase and abound” in all things, knowing that Jesus gave him strength.
Your calling
What has God called you to do right now? Do you see yourself serving alongside a spouse? If not, you may be called to singleness. Don’t let anyone shame you into thinking that God can’t work through you. Like Paul, He can surround you with others who will help carry the load. You’re never truly alone when you have a community around you.
Step into what God has called you to do. Seek Him with all your heart if you lack clarity about anything. He will guide you. However, if you long to partner with a spouse in your calling, surrender that desire to the Lord as well. He will bring the right person into alignment with you.
Inner Peace
No matter what anyone says, nothing can dispute God’s peace. Even if everyone around you says something different, if He spoke a word to you and gave you peace, who can argue otherwise? I remember having peace about my husband before we married. I knew what God had revealed to me, and while others tried to be sure I was making the right decision, my response was always, “I know what I prayed for.”
Only you know what God has spoken to your heart about singleness. If you have a strong desire for marriage and a deep inner knowing that you are meant to be married, hold on to that. If the opposite is true, and you know God has not called you to that life, hold on to that as well. Don’t let anyone talk you out of what God has shared with you. Sometimes, pressure from family, church, and society can push us into impulsive decisions because we feel like we need to “fix” something in our lives.
Listen to God
If you’re running yourself ragged trying to please others, you’re not in God’s will. Look for where His peace resides, trusting that above all else. Have you always been at peace with being single? Do you feel genuinely happy for friends getting married, with no envy? If that’s you, then singleness might be the life God’s called you to. You’re not afraid of spending the rest of your life “alone” because you know, deep down, you’re never truly alone. You know God has set you apart for something different.
If you’re thinking, “I don’t picture that at all,” I encourage you to keep believing for a kingdom relationship. I don’t know why some marry sooner than others or why some wait longer. But I do know that, whether married or single, God has given us all a gift. If you don’t identify with any of the above points, there is still hope.
Lies about time
Don’t buy into “time is running out” or “you’re not getting any younger.” God has not forgotten your age or how long you’ve been single. He knows where you are and how to provide exactly what you need. We may not like waiting, but we’ll never regret waiting on God. Isaiah 40:31 says, “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”
One of my favorite songs during my later single years was “Wait on the Lord” by Elevation Worship and Maverick City. The promise is that He will renew your strength. If you feel weary and discouraged, ask Him for strength. He’s working behind the scenes, writing the most amazing love story for you. If I had settled or given up, I wouldn’t be here encouraging you now. Wait on the Lord. Don’t accept long-term singleness as permanent. Keep believing and watch God work it out.
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