This blog post is for single Christians who are seeing all their friends get married. You want to feel happy for them but you’re struggling – we get it.
TL;DR: The Summary
Each of us is unique, and I promise that if you trust God with your love life, He will come through for you. So, until that time comes, how can you be happy for your friends who are getting married? How can you find joy for others while you wait for your own story to unfold?
- Focus on Your Personal Growth
- Celebrate Their Happiness
- Build a Strong Support Network
- Redefine Your Timeline
- Gratitude Over Comparison
Am I saying you’ll never feel a sting when you see the next engagement post on Facebook? No. Your heart may still feel some disappointment when you come across another relationship announcement, or when friends update their status. You can be happy and still hold on to hope for yourself. It’s possible with God’s help, knowing He’s for you, not against you. So, let’s dive in, so you can genuinely feel joy for your friends, even if they marry before you.
Intro
Do you remember the romantic comedy 27 Dresses? Katherine Heigl’s character perfectly embodied the phrase, “always the bridesmaid, never the bride.” She owned a dress for nearly every type of wedding imaginable. In the end, though, her friends came through and supported her when she finally found love.
I recently came across a post from a single woman in a Christian Singles community. Her friend was getting married, and while she was truly happy for her, she also felt jealous. She didn’t know how to celebrate her friend’s joy without dwelling on what she didn’t have. I want you to know that both feelings can co-exist. Just because you want something for yourself doesn’t mean you aren’t genuinely happy for others.
In fact, seeing your friends enter into God-centered marriages should encourage you. Why? Because if you’re witnessing a kingdom union up close, maybe God is giving you a glimpse of what’s ahead for you. Does that mean your wedding will come next year? Not necessarily. But God could be testing your heart to ensure you’re ready. A pastor once compared this to waiting for an Amazon delivery: if the truck is on your street, eventually your package will arrive.
I know some of you have been waiting a long time. You’ve faced disappointment after disappointment. Maybe you dated someone for three years only to break up, while your friend got engaged in less than a year. Are you doing something wrong? No. Remember, your love story is your own. While it’s okay to be inspired by others, you’re not meant to follow their exact timeline. Some couples know after just two years, while others face setbacks before finally meeting their spouse.
Focus on Your Personal Growth
I know what some of you might be thinking: “How much more do I need to work on myself?” We’ve all heard advice on how Christian singles should use their singleness to work on themselves. Many invest in Christian counseling to heal from past trauma, but you might still wonder, “How much more do I need to do?”
I’ve seen comments on social media asking, “How much more do I need to do? I’ve done everything!” Let’s be clear—there’s always room for improvement. We should be growing constantly to become more like Jesus. Why is this important? Because who you are now will be the same person you are when you say, “I do.” Some people think something magical happens at the wedding, but that’s not true.
For the long-term
The wedding itself is just a ceremony. Of course, there’s fun, food, music, laughter, and dancing. What people don’t realize is that the person you were before your wedding day is who you’ll remain after it. The same applies to your spouse. If you have trust issues now, that’s what they’ll see. Now, if you struggle with communication, they’ll experience that too. If you find it hard to listen or always think you’re right, marriage will be challenging.
One way to identify what needs improvement is to ask God to search your heart. Ask Him to reveal what needs to be exposed. Be prepared— God will peel back the curtain. You might not like everything you see, but once you’re self-aware, ask Him for help. The truth doesn’t condemn; it helps you see your need for Jesus and the Holy Spirit’s guidance to grow. As Psalm 139:23 says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties.” God knows us better than anyone, so trust that He knows what must change in your heart.
Another way is to ask your trusted circle, “Is there something about me that could be better?” They’ll give you honest answers in love. It’s not that everything is wrong with you, but getting an objective perspective can help you grow.
Celebrate Their Happiness
I recall seeing Facebook posts, prior to getting married, from high school classmates. A lot of them were getting engaged or announcing a pregnancy with their spouses. At first, I admit, these posts made me feel envious. I thought, “Am I missing something? What do they have that I don’t?” Then I found myself listening to another sermon. It shared a message that sometimes God will give you a preview of what you want to test your heart.
Think of David in the Bible. Before he became a king, he served one. It wasn’t easy, especially when Saul plotted to kill him. David was innocent, but Saul had strayed so far from God that he couldn’t see the error of his ways. Yet, David honored him and even mourned Saul’s death in the end. No wonder God considered David a man after His own heart. What about you? Can you honor and rejoice with someone who has the very thing you want?
Don’t let envy take root
Once I heard the teaching on God testing our hearts, I felt convicted. I didn’t want jealousy to take root. Plus, I didn’t know the backstory of my classmates, so who knows what they went through to be in their marriage. We envy people’s highlight reels on social media, but we don’t know what happens behind the scenes.
While some relationships we see online are Godly and healthy, not all of them are. Some of us might even be coveting trouble. You may envy your best friend because she’s getting married, but what if she compromised or manipulated her boyfriend to propose to her? What if the relationship is toxic and she’s only settling because she doesn’t want to be alone? I don’t envy that at all, and neither should you.
However, for those whom God has blessed, we can truly celebrate their happiness. To help my heart, I started celebrating engagement and announcement stories. I commented, “Congrats” and even celebrated the ones I didn’t know personally. Then I followed a few Christian influencers at the time, and some of them announced their engagements. I commented blessings over them, asking that God would bless their union. You see, the same God who did it for them can do it for you. There’s no need to feel envious. God has His own story for you. Waiting is hard, I get it, but it’s always worth it.
Build a Strong Support Network
Sometimes you need to vent. There are times when you simply need to share how you’re feeling without judgment or a rebuttal. Yes, as Christians, we know the Bible and that should always be our guide, but even in the Psalms, we see how David poured out his heart to God. He didn’t hold back. He didn’t sugarcoat or try to hide his pain. God knows what’s going on inside of us, so we might as well be honest with Him. Sometimes, as Christians, we feel the need to sound “spiritual” all the time. You don’t need to put on a mask to show that you’re a strong believer. It’s essential to have a circle you can share with. Of course, they’ll point you back to the Word of God, but first they’ll let you cry on their shoulder.
I heard a story about a young pastor who went to offer his condolences to an older single mom who’d lost her son to drugs. She was angry. Since the pastor was young and still maturing in his ministry, he thought quoting a bunch of Scriptures would help. The woman was a Christian, so it’s not as if she didn’t believe, but she just needed someone to sit with her. She needed someone to simply hold her hand as she cried. Later, as the pastor grew older, he realized that sometimes words aren’t always needed when someone is in pain.
Your community
Do you have a support system you can be transparent with? You can say, “I trust God, but I’m angry. Why hasn’t this happened for me? What am I doing wrong?” Your friends may pray for you afterward. They may text you verses to read later, but first, they’ll step in and give you a hug. Studies show that a hug from another human being can bring calm and reduce anxiety.
God’s Word is powerful—it’s sharper than any sword and brings health to our bones—but He also created human connection. That’s why it feels good to talk to a friend or pour your heart out to a close sibling. Having support, especially in times of despair, is priceless. Lean into those friendships, and if you don’t have them, ask God to help you show yourself to be a friend first. How can you pour into someone else and, in turn, be blessed and encouraged?
It doesn’t even need to be a face-to-face conversation. God led me to start a podcast in 2019, Single Plus, to encourage fellow Christian singles. I didn’t know that by sharing with others, God was working in my own heart. I became an encourager to so many men and women who found comfort in my words. Use this time of singleness to build a network, however the Lord may lead you. Follow His nudges and see how it not only blesses others, but also blesses you.
Redefine Your Timeline
I admit I was one of those women who had a timeline for when she wanted to get married. Since my mother married my father at twenty-six, I thought that would be my story too. I even remember praying, “God, You’re no respecter of persons. If You could have my mom marry at twenty-six, You can do it for me too.” Was that prayer answered at twenty-six? No. When I turned twenty-eight, I thought, “That’s okay. God is just a few years behind.” Wrong again.
My story
When did I get married? At thirty-two, one month before I turned thirty-three in 2023. While I once wanted it sooner, I’m actually glad now that I didn’t marry when I was younger.
First, my husband wasn’t saved then. He didn’t confess Jesus Christ until 2015. I was twenty-five at the time, and while we could have met a year later, he still wouldn’t have been mature in his faith. God needed time to work on his heart.
As for me, God showed me in 2015 that I had a lot of healing to do—especially around perfectionism and being too hard on myself. It wasn’t easy, but I’m grateful I didn’t carry that baggage into my marriage. Does that mean my husband and I are perfect now? No, we still have things to work on. But because we let God handle a lot of it before we said “I do,” the process isn’t as hard.
Surrender the timeline
I had to surrender my timeline. Sure, I didn’t marry until about seven years later than I’d hoped, but that doesn’t mean God was late. He wasn’t behind and He wasn’t trying to make me miserable. Think about cooking a meal in the oven. If you take it out too soon and it’s raw in the middle, you put it back in because you know it needs more time. You might snack while you wait, but it doesn’t really satisfy you. What if your blessing is still “raw” in the middle? Do you want it done or raw? Are you settling for “snacks” (people you know aren’t right for you) just because you’re tired of the “Are you still single?” questions?
As Pastor Michael Todd said in a sermon, “Let Him cook.” Let God do what He needs to do. Don’t rush it or try to force it. That’s what Abraham and Sarah did when they brought Hagar into their marriage. Sure, God blessed Ishmael, but he wasn’t the promised child—Isaac was. Some struggles could be avoided if we just wait on God. I’ve heard too many stories of Christian singles who stepped ahead of God’s plan and now face lifelong consequences. You don’t have to do that. You can choose today to trust God, no matter what.
Gratitude over Comparison
When we’re so focused on what we don’t have, we fail to see what God has blessed us with. Okay, you may not be married right now, but what can you thank God for today? How about the fact that you’re not in a toxic relationship? What about how God healed your heart from your last breakup? It took you some time to forgive your ex, but you did, and now you’re not bitter.
Do you have an inner circle or family that loves you? That’s a reason to thank God. Are you healthy overall? Thank God. Is there beauty in the world despite the darkness? Is the sunset still breathtaking? That’s another reason to thank God.
Entitlement
Unfortunately, some Christian singles think they’re entitled to whatever they want, especially if they feel they’ve lived right or been obedient. When God doesn’t give them what they expect, they wonder, “What’s the point of obeying God then?” We don’t obey God just to receive blessings. We obey because the only thing He truly “owes” us is total separation from Him. Our sin severed our connection, but God sent Jesus to restore it.
The number one thing we need to be grateful for is that God saved our souls. He didn’t have to, but He did. We are the bride of Christ—He’s our first love. That’s something to be grateful for, knowing the Creator of the world loves us. Yes, the love of a spouse is wonderful, but it’s a drop in the bucket compared to God’s love. If you’ve been ungrateful because of your relationship status, ask God to help you refocus. It may take time, but He will help if you ask. Then you can be happy for your friends if they get married before you, because you know God has something special for you.
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