In this post we share 5 First Date tips for Christians to make sure you have a great time.
TL;DR: The Summary
If you’ve decided it’s time to meet with that guy/girl you’ve been messaging for a while and maybe video-called a couple of times, then the moment has arrived for you to pick your best outfit and head out with confidence to meet them. We’ve compiled our top five tips for the first date, and we’re absolutely rooting for you!
Intro
First date tips are gold! First dates can be amazing or they can be awkward. In the worst cases they can be a nightmare. So let us share our best tips for a great first date and prepare you for an enjoyable dating experience. Because let’s face it, there might be many first dates in the online dating scene.
Last summer I was at a church social and I found myself in a circle of women who were all married. Conversation naturally turned to children, and weddings and marriage. The room filled with laughter and surprise as each wife in turn shared how she had met her husband. I found myself caught in a strange limbo of curiosity, awkwardness and a low-burning envy that I was the only one who didn’t have a story to share.
The truth is we are all fascinated by the start of a love story. Films and literature dwell on the meet-cutes and the first throws of love which strike a person down. From Adam and Eve to Molly Mae and Tommy Fury, even, dare I mention, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Part of joining SALT and dipping your toe into the world of Christian dating is the hope all of us singles share: that meeting “the one” will happen on a first date.
Maybe you’re right! Perhaps this date will be the start of something new. Maybe it won’t. That’s okay. Christian dating is wonderful because we can rejoice in simply meeting a fellow brother or sister in Christ. Going on a SALT date is an opportunity to love and encourage someone on their walk with Jesus, whether you end up married or never seeing one another again.
First Date Tip #1: Plan the Date
If you’re anything like me then “planning” looks like setting a date and time and… well that’s about it. Being naturally spontaneous and laid back is great, but I beg you, not on the first date. If you fail to prepare then you should prepare to fail. And failure on the first date looks like spending half of your time together just trying to decide what to do next.
Now don’t get me wrong, by planning I don’t mean you need to have a beautifully designed schedule in your bullet journal complete with time stamps. By planning I mean that you have thoughtfully prepared something fun so that the date will be as stress-free as possible.
If you’ve met each other through SALT then chances are you know something your date likes doing. Choose something low-pressure which gives ample time to chat and get to know each other. A friendly piece of advice: do not go for dinner on the first date. Ketchup on your new white jeans, panicking over how to hold your chopsticks, awkwardly negotiating who will pay the check. Not worth the stress when you are meeting for the first time!
Go for a stroll or even a hike, visit a zoo, explore a museum or art exhibition. Maybe bowling or a board game cafe if that’s your vibe. Choose an experience which will provide chat for the lulls in conversation. It could also be a great memory (or a hilarious anecdote) once you’ve both gone home.
First Date Tip #2: Keep your mind open
To be really blunt: don’t show up expecting that you’re about to meet your future spouse. Also, don’t fantasize about a first date kiss or securing a second date. To really enjoy a first date, you need to lower the pressure, open your mind, chill.
Whether it’s conscious or not, you have an idea of your ideal partner already formed in your head. Maybe it’s as attribute-specific as tall, dark, handsome, national champion ultimate frisbee player and can recite Ephesians by heart (isn’t that the perfect Christian guy?!) Maybe it’s all about the values: family-oriented, kind, hilarious. Whichever it is, there is a high chance that the person does not completely fit the criteria. Do not panic. It’s okay. It might actually be even better than you imagined!
You’ll soon find that keeping an open mind goes with the territory of using a dating app. Pray as you swipe through the potentials of the day, making sure to actually read the bios. Pray for discernment, pray that God will highlight someone possible who you may not have considered your “type.”
When you get to the first date, pray as you let go of your preconceptions. Hold yourself back from making a snap judgement. Allow your date the time and grace to be themselves. And maybe you’ll click unexpectedly and it will be the best surprise.
First Date Tip #3: Be yourself
Easier said than done, I have to admit! Do not dull yourself down or try to be the person you think they want to meet, be yourself. And if you’re enjoying the date and enjoying them, give them all the hints.
When you’re doing your obligatory pre-date prayer sesh in your room, recite Psalm 139:14 to yourself “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
You have been designed down to the very last detail by the creator and sustainer of the universe. The creator who is rooting for you! That means you are amazing. Be open about your likes and dislikes, share stories about your favourite hobbies and memories. Be generous in sharing your personality with your date. As a wise woman (thanks Rae) once said “your vibe attracts your tribe”. Be yourself because you want to attract someone who is attracted to you.
Maybe you’re battling with memories of heartbreak or past first date experiences which left you feeling empty and shameful. You are not defined by your past experiences. Give it to God and carry yourself as God’s precious child. Maybe this first date is God’s way of allowing you the chance to move on from your misconceptions about dating, and about yourself?
First Date Tip #4: Be intentional
I know I said don’t expect to meet your future spouse on the first date, but also, hold the standard of your future spouse on the first date. Before you skip to the next paragraph, hear me out. You are precious and so is this Christian guy/girl you’re about to meet so it’s important to be intentional about how you are pursuing each other. This date could lead to another, it could lead to ten more. It could lead to a long term relationship, you see where I’m going with this. So, although it should be fun, although you should be chill because this isn’t a job interview, it’s important that you are respectful. You both have vulnerable human hearts which may very well get *attached*.
Pray that God would bless you with discernment. If you want more info on this then take a read of this blog post. You might want to make a mental list of a few important questions which you can sprinkle throughout the small talk and banter you will no doubt be having as you stroll along your chosen (pre-planned no less) public footpath. Other than the obvious golden get-to-know of sharing your testimonies with each other, here are some suggestions to get you inspired:
- “What’s your church like?”
- “What has God been teaching you recently?
- “What’s your family like?”
It’s not an interview but it is important to start talking about your faith from day 1.
Being intentional also means ending the date well. Be intentional and prayerful about your physical and emotional boundaries and stick to them. You don’t have to stay for another round. You don’t have to answer about whether a second date is on the cards. Don’t feel pressured to give them your phone number. Give each other space to process by ending warmly without making any promises. Short and sweet is a good motto for a first date.
First Date Tip #5: Reflect and Take it all to God
You’ve said goodbye and you crash through your front door and suddenly it’s all over and your insides are an absolute whirlwind of emotions. You’ve done it! Congratulations, the first date is over!
Your work is not over yet. In the world of Christian dating we invite God into the process before, during, and especially afterwards. Take some time to journal the experience and get all your feelings down in written prayer. Pray over it, your immediate emotional response may not be the rational and godly conclusion you’ll come to in the cold light of day tomorrow morning.
Seek counsel from a trusted friend who knows you well. Someone who is mature enough to call you out if you’re being too judgmental or if you are being swept away by someone who is going to lead you away from Jesus.
Whichever direction that first date is heading in, you are going to have to be in touch with each other sooner or later. Be gentle, knowing that they are also processing the first meeting! If you have to let them down be loving, filling your message or call with affirmation. If you’re hoping that you’ll meet again then be prayerfully optimistic as you send a message. Leave them the opportunity to say no if they don’t see a future for the pair of you. Whatever you say, be clear in your communication. Playing games with someone’s heart by hiding your real intentions beneath words that feel easier to send is not loving them like a brother/sister in Christ. They will appreciate your honesty even if they are bummed in the short term.
Remember that whether you end up getting married or you don’t see each other for the rest of your time on earth, as members of the body of Christ we are bound to spend eternity together. So treat your date in this knowledge, pray for them earnestly and thank God that they have been saved.
Let’s Conclude
There were many thoughts I never shared whilst listening to all these amazing godly women share their first date stories. Some of them were beautiful and romantic, like something out of a fairy tale. Others were mundane and casual. All of them ended in marriage. As a single woman listening to these stories I realised that the success and excitement of the first date does not determine the success of the long-term relationship, which, if you think about it, takes SO much pressure off the first meet up.
I was reminded that I don’t know whether I will meet a husband on a SALT date. I don’t know whether I will ever have a first date story that leads to marriage. But I do know that God has given us the privilege of freely meeting wonderful Christians through SALT. God has designed every man and woman on the app and we can find so much joy in getting out there and meeting them! If you want extra tips on how to use SALT well read more here.
So whether in 20 years time we’ll be the ones sharing our proposal stories, we can know for certain that we can find joy in the dating process! It starts by setting that first date – go for it!
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