This post explores the benefits of having healthy emotional boundaries in Christian dating and gives 5 examples.

TL;DR: The Summary

“Guarding your heart” is a familiar phrase in Christian circles—but what does it look like to set emotional boundaries that honor God? How do you enjoy getting to know someone while still holding things with an open hand in case the relationship doesn’t unfold the way you imagined?

The danger lies in giving your heart to someone God never intended for you. Yes, His grace is sufficient, and He can heal a broken heart—but it’s far better to follow the quiet nudges of the Holy Spirit before giving your emotions away. Here are five ways to set emotional and godly boundaries.

1. Check in with God before you check in with them
2. Slow down the “Good Morning/Goodnight” texts
3. Share personal stories strategically, not spontaneously 
4. Establish “heart talk” boundaries early
5. Invite accountability 

Does this mean you’ll never make a mistake in dating? No—but you can set up guardrails that protect your heart in the long run. I think Christian singles sometimes forget that God truly has their best interests at heart, even in relationships. We can trust that He has the best for us, even when it feels like it’s taking longer to unfold.

Intro

Falling in love at first sight feels romantic in the movies, but it doesn’t always play out that way in real life. Films, TV shows, and romance novels often suggest that the moment you lock eyes with someone, you instantly know they’re “the one.” That might win an Oscar for Best Picture, but it doesn’t always hold up in reality.

It’s swoon-worthy when the leading man with dreamy eyes tells the heroine, “I loved you from the moment we met.” I get it—I love a good romantic comedy. It’s sweet and heartwarming. But as a married woman, I can honestly say I didn’t fall for my husband right away. I knew it was important to take my time and discern whether he was truly the right fit for me. Of course, I love him now and he loves me, but our relationship had to be built over time.

My Story

In the beginning of my relationship with my now-husband, we started off with a genuine friendship. We often talked about God’s Word and our personal walks with Jesus, and over time, those conversations began to include more about each other. I got to know him, and he got to know me. Everyone talks about having a “spark” or “feeling butterflies,” but I can’t say that was the case when I met my husband. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t attracted to him—it just meant I realized that feelings alone aren’t the same as substance.

The more I got to know him and saw that God was bringing us together, the more I gradually let down my guard. One of my main prayers during the dating phase was, “God, help me take it one day at a time and not move too fast.” I had made the mistake of rushing into relationships before, and I didn’t want to make that mistake again.  

In today’s fast-paced world, we often forget that hearts still beat at the steady rhythm God designed. You can order food at one window and receive it at the next, but relationships don’t work that way. Is it possible to feel a connection with someone right away? Absolutely. You might feel instant chemistry on a first date—but I encourage Christian singles to take their time before deciding if someone is truly their future spouse. Too many have been hurt because they fell for the idea of someone, only to have the truth surface later on.

Check in with God before you check in with them

Before you vent your heart or share personal struggles with someone you’re dating, ask yourself: “Have I brought this to God first?” It’s always wise to pray before sharing something deeply personal. Emotional intimacy should never outpace spiritual discernment. Let God be your first confidant—not your crush. While your partner can offer comfort, there’s nothing like the peace found in God’s presence.

This doesn’t mean you’re hiding from the person you’re dating or being deceitful. It means you’re exercising wisdom. Once something personal is shared, it can’t be taken back. The last thing you want is to open up to someone who isn’t trustworthy. Too many Christian singles give their trust away too quickly simply because someone appears to check all the boxes. On the flip side, others become so guarded they trust no one, keeping everything bottled up.

God first

That’s why it’s essential to consult God first—period. In prayer, you can ask, “God, is this someone I can trust?” You may not receive a direct answer, but God will guide you through the person’s character. If they’re kind, patient, and understanding, they may be capable of handling the deeper, harder conversations. But if they’re negative, dismissive, or tend to weaponize your vulnerability, it’s better to withhold and consider stepping back before the relationship deepens.

It always involves risk—but in the long run, it’s worth it to be with someone you can truly trust with your heart.

Slow down the “Good Morning/Goodnight” texts

It’s easy to get excited when things are new, but constant texting can create an illusion of closeness that commitment hasn’t earned. You don’t need to talk to someone all day, every day. It’s both normal and healthy to have breaks between conversations. This helps ensure you’re not wrapping your entire life around one person too soon—before you’ve even decided if this is something long term.

Pace your communication. What does that mean? Instead of texting daily, try limiting it to three or four times a week. You might even reserve one of those times for an actual in-person date. This isn’t about being rigid or following strict rules—it’s about using wisdom so you don’t become emotionally attached prematurely.

Is it all your think about?

Avoid forming a soul tie with someone you barely know. Constant communication can cloud your judgment when you’re supposed to be gathering data during the dating phase. That’s what dating is: collecting information to determine whether someone is marriage material and aligned with your values and life. There’s nothing wrong with being excited about someone new—but texting all day, every day, especially when you just met, isn’t the wisest move.

Share personal stories strategically, not spontaneously 

You can be honest with someone without rushing into vulnerability. If necessary, and the person asks a deep question, you can kindly say, “I appreciate you asking, but that’s not something I’m ready to discuss right now. Maybe another time.” You are not obligated to unpack childhood trauma or past relationships within the first month. Build emotional safety through time and trust—not trauma bonding.

I remember when my now-husband shared a deeply personal story from his past. At that point, we had been talking for two months, and I could tell things were progressing toward a relationship. He was vulnerable with me and trusted me with that story. In response, I chose to open up and share about my past. He didn’t pressure me, and it wasn’t forced. I simply felt that I could trust him.

Since we were long-distance, our communication looked different than that of a couple who lives in the same city or state. Again, this isn’t about following a rigid list of rules—it’s about using your discretion.

It’s about stage, not time

In the Christian dating world, it’s often recommended not to make an exclusive commitment until after 90 days. Some Christians take this to the extreme and avoid all vulnerability until then. But I believe there can be exceptions if you genuinely feel ready to move into the next phase of dating with someone.

If you’re ready to have the “define the relationship” conversation by day 80, then go for it. If you’ve prayed about the relationship and feel a true sense of peace from God, move forward into exclusivity. Let conversations unfold naturally. Too many Christian singles feel uptight on dates, trying to say the “right” thing at the “right” time. But dating isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being yourself. It’s not about trying to get someone to like you or choose you. It’s about seeing if there’s potential for a long-term relationship built on honesty, trust, and mutual understanding.

Establish “heart talk” boundaries early 

In the early stages of a new relationship, it’s often best to avoid diving into heavy topics like politics or even sharing your full testimony right away. Politics, in particular, can be a sensitive subject. Talking about it too soon may lead to assumptions or judgments before you’ve had the chance to truly get to know each other. It’s wise to define which topics are “off-limits” until there’s mutual clarity and direction in the relationship.

You’ll also want to avoid emotionally charged statements like, “I could see myself marrying you,” especially on a first date. While dating with the intention of marriage is important, that doesn’t mean every person you go out with is your future spouse. Some Christian singles approach every date as if it must lead to marriage, but not everyone you date will—or should—be your spouse. Dating is a time for gathering information and discerning whether this is someone you want to continue seeing.

Sexual past

It’s also best to hold off on discussing your sexual past too early. This conversation can easily lead to assumptions rather than giving space to get to know the person’s heart. Sadly, some Christian singles have written off someone simply because they weren’t a virgin. But a sexual past does not disqualify someone from loving God or pursuing purity now. If they’ve asked God for forgiveness and are now walking in sexual integrity, it’s not your place to hold their past against them—especially when God has already extended grace.

The right time to have this kind of conversation will vary for each couple, but I recommend waiting until you’ve both agreed to move toward engagement. Premarital counseling will provide space for deeper discussions, but even then, details should be shared wisely. You don’t want to create unnecessary emotional or physical temptation by sharing too much too soon.

Invite accountability 

Let trusted mentors or friends know what’s going on with you emotionally. If you’re in Christian counseling, that’s another space where you can be emotionally vulnerable. Many Christian singles don’t seek accountability—they’re often looking for affirmation. They want someone to agree with them, sometimes to the point where no one is willing to tell them the truth. But you need more than hype. You need wisdom that keeps you grounded when emotions run high.

This doesn’t mean you need to share your business with everyone. But having a trusted inner circle that consistently points you back to God is essential. It helps keep you from rushing ahead of His timing. In Christian dating, it’s important to slow down and be intentional. That idea can stir up fear, especially for singles in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. Many feel like time is working against them and that they need to hurry up and find “the one.”

There’s no one right way

But that’s another lie from the enemy. God is the author of time, and He knows how to redeem it. You may feel behind because you’re not married by a certain age, but that doesn’t mean God is late in bringing the right person into your life. I think of my own story with my husband—if I had met him five or even ten years earlier, it wouldn’t have worked out.

Again, you won’t do this perfectly. There’s no formula for flawless dating. While there are great books, podcasts, and communities, the truth is, you’re never going to “get it right” all the time. The only one you can fully trust is the Lord Jesus Christ. That’s why it’s so important to invite Him into your dating life. He knows your desires—and He knows your fears, too. He knows you don’t want to be hurt or disappointed.

Ask Him to place people in your life who will help you uphold your standards. That doesn’t mean their word is final, but their counsel can help you stay focused. After you’ve considered their advice, ask God to help you make the final decision.

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