Online dating has become a common way for many Christians to meet potential partners who share their faith and values. However, have you ever stopped to consider whether you might have unconscious bias when swiping or messaging on dating apps? It’s a question worth asking, especially as followers of Christ who are called to love and see others as God sees them.

Biases aren’t always intentional or obvious, but they can subtly influence our choices, even when we’re seeking a godly relationship. Taking time to reflect on this can help us align our hearts with God’s will and open ourselves to the people He may have for us.

What Is Unconscious Bias?

Unconscious bias refers to the automatic judgments we make about people based on factors like appearance, background, or personal preferences—often without realizing it. These biases stem from our experiences, cultural influences, and even societal stereotypes.

On dating apps, unconscious bias can manifest in different ways, such as:

1. Preferring certain physical attributes over character traits.
2. Dismissing profiles based on race or ethnicity.
3. Assuming personality traits based on someone’s job or education.
4. Overvaluing superficial qualities instead of spiritual compatibility.

Recognizing these tendencies is the first step in addressing them.

Signs You Might Have Unconscious Bias on Dating Apps

If you’re wondering whether unconscious bias is affecting your dating experience, consider these 20 signs:

1. You swipe left on profiles with certain physical features without giving them a chance.
2. You assume someone’s spiritual maturity based on their photos.
3. You gravitate towards people from similar cultural or social backgrounds.
4. You avoid profiles that don’t fit a specific “type.”
5. You prioritize education or career over godly character.
6. You think someone is “too good” or “not good enough” for you based on worldly standards.
7. You make quick judgments based on profile aesthetics.
8. You reject someone because they don’t meet your exact denominational preference.
9. You hesitate to engage with people who have different hobbies or interests.
10. You assume someone’s personality based on their bio length.
11. You dismiss people who have different church traditions.
12. You focus more on age preferences than on spiritual compatibility.
13. You assume financial status based on job titles.
14. You have a specific height preference that excludes otherwise great matches.
15. You judge someone’s faith based on how many Bible verses they include in their profile.
16. You reject someone based on their location without considering their willingness to move.
17. You focus only on profiles that “fit” your ideal partner checklist.
18. You quickly dismiss profiles that don’t meet societal beauty standards.
19. You ignore potential matches who have different ethnic or cultural backgrounds.
20. You rely too much on personal preferences rather than God’s guidance.

If any of these resonate with you, it’s time to pause and ask God for wisdom in your dating journey.

How to Overcome Unconscious Bias

Overcoming bias takes intentionality and a willingness to surrender our preferences to God. Here are a few steps to help you grow in this area:

1. Pray for God’s Perspective

Ask God to help you see others through His eyes. Pray for humility and openness in your dating journey.

2. Broaden Your Perspective

Be willing to engage with people outside of your usual preferences. You might be surprised by the connections you form when you focus on shared faith and values rather than surface-level criteria.

3. Use a Christ-Centered Dating App

Consider using a platform like SALT, a Christian dating app designed to help believers connect based on faith and values rather than superficial criteria. SALT encourages meaningful conversations and fosters a space where you can prioritize spiritual compatibility.

4. Reflect on Your Preferences

Take time to analyze why you have certain preferences. Are they rooted in biblical values, or are they influenced by societal expectations?

5. Focus on Character Over Looks

Remember Proverbs 31:30 – “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Seek a partner whose heart is devoted to God.

6. Seek Wise Counsel

Talk to trusted Christian mentors or friends about your dating experience. They can provide valuable insights and help you stay accountable in your journey.

7. Practice Grace and Patience

Be patient with yourself and others. Overcoming unconscious bias is a process, and God is at work in your heart.

8. Look Beyond First Impressions

Give people a chance by getting to know them beyond their profile picture or short bio. A deeper connection might take time to develop.

The Blessings of an Open Heart

When you release your biases and trust God with your love life, you open yourself up to the blessings He has in store. God’s plans often exceed our expectations, and He may lead you to someone you never anticipated but who complements you in ways beyond what you imagined.

Approach dating with an open heart and a Christ-centered mindset. Whether it’s on apps like SALT or through community interactions, God is more than able to guide your steps.

Final Thoughts

If you’re asking yourself, “Do I have unconscious bias on dating apps?” the answer may very well be yes—but that’s okay. Recognizing it is a step toward growth and transformation. As you surrender your preferences to God and seek His guidance, He will align your desires with His perfect will.

Remember, dating is a journey of faith. Stay encouraged, trust the Lord, and be open to the possibilities He has prepared for you!