This blog post explores what it means to be unequally yoked in a Christian relationship. Should you date someone you perceive to be less spiritually mature than you?

TL;DR: The Summary

Dating as a Christian can sometimes feel like navigating uncharted waters. Beyond physical attraction and emotional connection, there’s a third dimension that matters deeply: spiritual compatibility. If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Is it okay to date someone less spiritually mature?”—you’re not alone. It’s a question many Christian singles wrestle with, and it’s worth exploring with compassion, wisdom, and grace.

Before diving into the specifics, let’s clear something up: spiritual maturity doesn’t mean spiritual perfection. No one—apart from Jesus—has it all figured out when it comes to faith. We’re all growing, stumbling, and getting back up again. So the question isn’t about finding someone who’s spiritually flawless (spoiler: they don’t exist!). It’s about understanding how spiritual maturity—or the lack of it—can affect a relationship. Here’s what to consider:

1. Spiritual Growth is a Journey, not a Race
2. Unequally Yoked: What Does it Really Mean?
3. The Power of Influence
4. Grace and Patience Go a Long Way
5. Keep God at the Center

Intro

Imagine this: you meet someone wonderful. They’re kind, funny, and the chemistry is undeniable. But as your conversations deepen, you begin to notice something—you’re not on the same page spiritually. What do you do? Do you move forward, or do you pull back, wondering if this gap will grow into a chasm that divides you?  

Unfortunately, the spirit of religion is still prevalent in the church today. We often judge people who don’t look “Christian.” But what does that even mean? Do you dismiss a man just because he has tattoos? I once saw a question from a woman in a singles group who has tattoos herself. She asked the men, “Will this turn you away, even though I love Jesus?” We put so much emphasis on outward appearance that we fail to do what God does—look at the heart.

Even if the two of you came to the Lord at different times in life, the question shouldn’t be, “Who’s more spiritual?” but rather, “Is there fruit being shown here?”

Spiritual Growth is a Journey, not a Race

In Christian dating, it’s important to remember that no two people develop their faith at the same pace. You may have been walking with Christ for years, while someone else is just beginning their journey. This doesn’t automatically mean they’re “less than” or that a relationship can’t work.

Empathy is key. A person’s willingness to grow in their relationship with God can matter more than their current level of maturity. Ask yourself: Are they open to deepening their faith? Are they curious about God? If so, their spiritual immaturity might not be a dealbreaker—it could be an opportunity for both of you to grow together.

My experience

I grew up in the church and accepted Christ at the age of seven in 1997. I rededicated my life to Him at sixteen in 2006. I’ve read the Bible at least three times and am currently going through it for a fourth. Although I’ve been walking with God since childhood, I’m still learning and growing in my faith.

My husband also grew up in the church, but he didn’t fully give his life to God until 2015 at the age of thirty. At first glance, it might seem like we aren’t spiritually compatible, given that I’ve known Jesus for 28 years while he’s been walking with the Lord seriously for just the last 10. However, you’d be surprised at the spiritual wisdom that comes from my husband’s mouth.

Wisdom from God comes through seeking Him. A person can wholeheartedly pursue God and gain deep insight even if they’ve only been in the faith for a short time. Megan Ashley, host of the podcast InTotality, has only been seriously walking with the Lord for about two years. Yet because of her sincere heart, God has entrusted her with a platform to encourage fellow believers. She even co-hosted a large conference called Acts 242. When asked at the event how long she had been walking with the Lord, she replied, “about a year.”

Everyone’s journey is different. Someone can be in church their entire life and bear no fruit, while someone else can come into the faith and begin bearing fruit immediately. What’s the difference? The condition of the heart—the soil. In the parable of the sower, Jesus describes various types of soil representing different heart conditions. We should strive to have good soil: a tender heart that receives God’s word and applies it to our lives.

Unequally Yoked: What Does it Really Mean?

Many Christians point to 2 Corinthians 6:14, which warns believers against being “unequally yoked” with unbelievers. While this is a vital biblical principle, let’s be clear about its context: it’s not just about differing levels of spiritual maturity but about fundamentally different beliefs.

Dating someone who doesn’t share your faith or who shows no interest in pleasing God can lead to tension and compromise. If your partner’s values are rooted in things that pull them away from God, it may be time to reevaluate. A relationship works best when both partners are moving toward the same ultimate goal: glorifying God.

This is why it’s so important to take your time in dating—so you can clearly see whether this person is truly walking with the Lord. Anyone can put a Bible verse in their Instagram bio or quote scripture in a Facebook post. But what is their life actually portraying?

Look for fruit

They may say they love Jesus, but then turn around and say they’re okay with premarital sex. They may attend church, cry during worship, and have powerful experiences—yet still have a nasty attitude at work and treat their coworkers poorly. Anyone can say they love God with their lips, but the Bible tells us it’s what’s in a person’s heart that truly matters.

It’s time we look beyond the surface. Too many Christian singles get caught up in physical attraction without considering the condition of a person’s heart. This doesn’t mean attraction isn’t important—because it is. Many singles worry, “What if God wants me to be with someone I’m not attracted to?” But that’s not the case. God does care about your attractions. However, as the Bible tells us, beauty is fleeting. Looks will fade with age, and you won’t look the same at 70 as you did at 25.

If you haven’t already, become a fruit inspector. The book of Galatians clearly outlines the fruits of the Spirit. Is this person striving to display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? Will they do this perfectly? No. But this isn’t about perfection. Even when they make mistakes, are they quick to repent and ask God—and you—for forgiveness? All of us are working toward being more like Jesus, and that should be taken into serious consideration when you’re dating.

The Power of Influence

Whether we realize it or not, the people we date have a profound influence on us. Proverbs 27:17 reminds us that “iron sharpens iron.” In Christian dating, your partner should encourage your spiritual growth, not hinder it.

Ask yourself: Does this person inspire you to grow closer to Christ? Do they genuinely seek to understand your faith? Or do you find yourself compromising your values and convictions just to keep the peace? A spiritually immature partner who shows no interest in growth can lead to stagnation—or worse, backsliding.

This point stands out to me because many Christian singles often ask, “How do I know this is the person God has for me?” One of my favorite quotes from Pastor Jerry Flowers addresses this directly: “Why would God send someone to you who only takes you further away from Him?” It’s a powerful reminder. Even if someone identifies as a Christian, if their influence is pulling you away from your relationship with the Lord, they are not the one for you. You don’t need to pray for confirmation or wait for a sign—if they’re steering you away from Christ, that’s not His will for you.

Missionary dating

On the other end of the spectrum, some Christian singles seriously consider dating people of other faiths, such as Islam, and wonder, “Could God use me to lead them to Jesus?” But God did not call us to “missionary date.” You should not pursue a romantic relationship with someone who is not walking toward the Lord. You can absolutely pray and intercede for them, but from a distance. Romantic involvement is not the method God has given us for evangelism.

Even when dating fellow Christians, there should be evidence of growth between the two of you. Have you grown in your walk with the Lord since the relationship began? Do they lovingly correct you when they see you slipping or compromising? Are you willing to receive that correction? That takes humility, especially since your partner is flawed too—but God can use them to help realign your steps.

This becomes even more significant in marriage, where your spouse will see all sides of you. In my short time being married, there have been moments when God has spoken to me through my husband—hard truths I didn’t always want to hear but knew were for my growth and benefit. Marriage isn’t just about sharing holidays or romantic milestones. It’s one of the ways God will continue shaping and maturing you, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Grace and Patience Go a Long Way

It’s tempting to approach Christian dating with an “ideal checklist” of what you’re looking for. But relationships require grace and patience. Growth in Christ takes time, and if someone is willing to learn and develop, it may be worth investing in the relationship. Here’s the nuance: grace doesn’t mean ignoring red flags. If someone is resistant to faith discussions, dismissive of your spiritual beliefs, or shows no desire to honor God in their actions, those are signs to proceed with caution. But if they’re open, humble, and willing to grow, your relationship could become a beautiful story of mutual encouragement and spiritual development.

You shouldn’t be the only one fighting for purity in your dating relationship—they should be pursuing it with you. You shouldn’t be the only one wanting to deepen your walk with the Lord—they should desire that too. It may not look the same for both of you, but that doesn’t mean God isn’t working in their life.

My story

My husband and I are completely different when it comes to our personal relationship with the Lord. I talk to God about the little things and involve Him throughout my day. This was a new concept for my husband, but he’s been learning from me and realizing he can talk to God about anything and everything. We both grew up in Christian cultures where vulnerability was often mistaken for weakness—as if sharing your struggles meant you weren’t “strong enough in your faith.” I tell God everything, even the things I’m embarrassed about. This wasn’t something I was taught; it’s something I’ve learned through my own walk with the Lord. In being raw and vulnerable, I’ve experienced God’s healing and presence in powerful ways.

If you’re expecting the person you’re dating to be exactly like you in their walk with the Lord, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. No one wants to marry a clone of themselves. In fact, the differences between you may be the very things God uses to strengthen you both. One person may be more empathetic, the other more logical. Neither is superior—both are needed and valuable to God.

Even in marriage, you’ll witness your spouse’s spiritual weaknesses as they grow. Your role is to intercede for them and encourage them. The same grace you want God to extend to you should also be extended to the person you’re dating—and eventually, to the one you marry.

Keep God at the Center

Ultimately, the foundation of any Christian relationship should be Christ. When God is at the center, differences in spiritual maturity can be navigated with wisdom and love. Pray for discernment. Seek godly counsel. And most importantly, trust that God knows what’s best for you.

Dating someone who is less spiritually mature doesn’t have to be a black-and-white issue. With prayer, honest communication, and a shared commitment to grow, your relationship can flourish. However, if their lack of spiritual maturity begins to pull you away from God and His purpose for your life, it’s both okay—and wise—to step back.

Dating for potential

This is where many Christian singles make a common mistake: believing, “I can help them change.” While your influence can be meaningful, true heart change only comes from God. You cannot save them. No matter how much you love and care for them, they must want a relationship with God for themselves.

Dating is deeply personal, and spiritual maturity is just one part of the equation. As a Christian single, your goal should be to honor God in your relationship, regardless of where your partner is in their spiritual walk. Remember, spiritual growth is a lifelong journey, and no one has reached the finish line. Be compassionate, be discerning, and above all, be prayerful. Trust that God will guide you as you navigate the complexities of Christian dating.

Ready to meet like-minded Christian singles who share your desire to grow in faith and love? Download the SALT dating app today!