I think that if God has destined you to meet someone special, distance will not be an impediment.

-Maggy

I’ve always assumed I was undatable.  I’m kind of quirky, can be a little bit socially awkward, but the real problem is that for some reason I’ve had a worm going through my brain since I was a kid that I wasn’t good enough and no girl would like me.  No amount of therapy has revealed quite why I felt this way, but I did.  And it wasn’t even true because there were plenty of women who did show interest – but I never reciprocated, probably because I thought that if they liked me, there must be something wrong with them.

So it came as a surprise when my friend’s wife told me she had a friend who was interested that I might actually like.  I trusted her judgment because she really knew me and what I was looking for.  Her friend was smart, super cute, loved Jesus, had a good job as a nurse, aligned with me politically (a more difficult feat than you realize!), and had the right personality traits that I knew I was looking for.

Only problem?  She lived in Kansas City, Missouri – a 4-hour plane journey (or 20-hour drive) away from me in Boise, Idaho.

Worth the risk?

I actually prefer long-distance relationships. It helps avoid compromising situations, plus, I like the idea of really getting to know someone on a deeper level before even thinking about meeting in person.

-Abigail

At first, I was onboard.  I’d met her at a wedding years ago, but we never really struck up a conversation, so I didn’t know how it was going to go.  If we’d met and nothing happened, why did I think it would be different this time?

When she came to visit my friends in Boise, I was excited to meet her and see if there was a spark.  We all went out to dinner together, and I tried to engage her in conversation a couple of times, but she only gave me one-word answers or ignored me completely, just chatting with our friend instead.  First impressions were not great, and of course I took it very personally.  I asked my friend about it and she said “yeah she told me she’s interested…” which surprised me.  So I figured I’d give it another go – maybe she was just shy and I just had no clue what “interest” looks like from a woman.

I think it all depends on the level of effort and commitment of each person to make a long distance relationship work.

-Vanesa

Worth the effort?

We all met up a second time and I eventually got past her armor.  She was quite sweet actually, and I could tell that my friend was telling the truth about her. How in the world would I have known she was interested if my friend hadn’t told me?  I had been ready to just move on.

So I got her number and we started talking.  Turns out she was cold before because she didn’t think the distance would work.  That made more sense, but for me I couldn’t conceive of why long distance, so we started dating (as much as you can “date” through text and Facetime calls).  Eventually I asked her to be my girlfriend.  She wanted to meet up in person, so I booked a ticket out to Kansas City.

I’d be open to a long-distance relationship, but we would need to eventually close the gap. I’d prefer someone who is or would live in my area.

-Aya

That first visit was so awkward.  I hadn’t been in a real relationship before – I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.  Was I meant to kiss her right away since we’re together or wait til we got home?  What is there to talk about that we haven’t already covered over text?  It felt like we were just continually missing each other and not connecting.  I figured maybe I just need to give it more time.

Should you do long distance?  It depends. Are you willing to put in the work?

-Eric

I was trying, anyway.  But it wasn’t easy.  I wanted to watch something funny on Netflix, while she wanted to watch documentaries about healthcare.  Nothing I said made her laugh and only got eyerolls.  I spilled red wine on her carpet the very first night and we couldn’t get it out.  Kansas City was really windy and I hated it.

But I was determined to push through all this because we connected so well long-distance, right?

Keep it going…

When I came back home, the text conversation got a lot more serious.  She wanted to chat more than I did.  Also, she was worried that our future plans didn’t link up (she wanted to get married and have children quickly).  She wanted me to move to Kansas City.  I couldn’t bear the thought.

If it’s God’s plan, He will open doors to let you close that distance.  If not, either distance or something else will cause it not to work out. I also think both need to be able and willing to relocate, which should be part of the initial conversation.

-Adam

I couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t God’s plan.  But I didn’t want to shut the door just yet, after all she was by far the prettiest and smartest girl I thought I could ever get.

The final time I went out there, she broke up with me.  I didn’t sleep much out on the couch that night.  Went home telling her I’d keep in touch, but the only words we ever exchanged again were her asking me to send her stuff back.

I honestly wasn’t even that sad about it, it was more of a hit to my ego than anything.  It was an expensive waste of time, but at least it showed me the limitations of long-distance relationships, and even more about waiting for someone who I felt right about.  And now, as someone married for 3 years to an incredible woman who gets me and I click with, I’m glad it didn’t work out.

SALT Social

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