There was a time, not long ago, when dating was something that could only happen “in person”.  In fact, the very concept of a worldwide database where you can meet people who you know are already interested in dating would have been completely foreign – not just because the internet didn’t exist, but because people were simply used to the organic nature of meeting someone and letting the pursuit run its course.  Meeting someone “blindly” would be considered scary at best and desperate at worst.

Now things have changed, and dating apps are the standard for most people.  We can literally meet hundreds of potential partners every day for free from the comfort of our own bedroom or couch or even toilet.  Dating has changed significantly.  Easy to meet, easy to chat, easy to break up, easy to ghost.  

So you’d think that this technology, if done right, would single-handedly solve loneliness and bring us closer together, right?  That if these dating app algorithms worked, people would be meeting their soulmates left and right and our population would just be exploding?  Then why oh why is the birth rate in our society so low?  And despite this ease of access, why in the world does it still feel so difficult to meet someone?  Our SALT SOCIALites chime in to this all-important question:

“I think it depends on the person, but mostly due to the ease of choice we have in these apps, it makes us more picky, even if we aren’t normally picky. It’s something that sticks with us unintentionally sometimes.”

-Abi

Enter The Dating Diva

I’ll call her that, although it’s certainly not exclusively women who are doing this.  In our world of seemingly infinite options (especially the Christian world where we’re dating to marry), our choices actually seem to narrow because we become, whether we like it or not, extremely picky.  

You see a profile, but aren’t immediately attracted or intrigued?  Boom, gone, swiped away.  Had you met them in person you might have found something you liked about them – maybe you’d have a conversation with them, observed them do something they’re passionate about, admired them in a social setting, or seen them at just the right angle with the light bouncing off the building….

But no.  The Dating Diva does not get that opportunity.  She only gets to see him for a second, in one very specific context, and if it isn’t happening, that’s it, he’s gone from her life forever.  No question of “should I hide my quirks on a first date?” or anything similar. We’ve traded depth for breadth in the name of convenience, and where has it got us?

“Dating app culture means someone can be easily dismissed/overlooked because there’s another profile just a swipe away. I try to remain open, but it’s still difficult to not be picky.”

-Rob

So are we better off now or before?

It seems like I’m saying we were better off before, but as someone who met my wife on SALT and have been happily married for 3 years and have a one-year-old little boy, I can’t say that I’m 100% certain.  Was I pickier in person, or was I just at a point in my life where I was ready to settle down and the first person that looked like a good match worked out for me?  Are we all like that?  Is that how it’s always worked?

“Dating apps are a symptom of our picky desires, not the cause of them.”

-Chloe

“If it were easy to find like-minded singles in real life, a lot fewer people would be using these apps! And I think being too picky comes from having expectations that don’t match reality, which is a deeper problem and not the fault of the dating apps.”

-Jacob

The reality might be that The Dating Diva comes out more because despite the increased options, the reality is the same – we go after someone when we’re ready to be with someone.  Otherwise we’re “picky”.

“Ultimately, everyone on here is human – the ‘perfect’ partner doesn’t exist.  Sometimes people need to be given a chance, but we don’t allow that because if we don’t get an instant spark we can miss a great relationship.”

-Jackie

Dating apps or not?

And when we are ready – when The Dating Diva, who has protected us from the onslaught of choice, is ready to be put to rest – are dating apps really the way to go?  There’s a lot to consider, even for people who are ready to settle down and get serious.  Can you really get a feel for someone based solely on their dating profile?  Are you setting yourself up for heartache and disappointment by dropping the The Dating Diva a little too much?

“In real life you may consider people you probably wouldn’t on the app as you get to know them personally.  But when you’re on dating apps, you judge by what people write and the photos they have, and you try not to go for people who are not an immediate match on paper.”

-Heidi

“Whether it’s a necessary solution or not, dating apps do feel somewhat akin to online shopping. The pictures look alright, the ‘descriptions’ sound okay, but you never quite know what you’re getting until you can see the ‘merchandise’ in person.  And this just doesn’t feel like how we should be treating or viewing one another.”

-Chris

And after a couple of dates where you meet this supposed person of your dreams and realize they aren’t the one you want to be with, The Dating Diva returns in full force.

So what’s the solution to this problem?

A lot of it comes down to the quality of the app you’re on.  What information can you learn about a person based on how their profile setup is catered?  How does the matching work?  What is there to match on, other than random stuff in their profile and a cute picture?

I might be a little biased, but I really believe I met my wife on SALT as easily as I did because of how effective SALT is.  I got a flavour of her passions and interests from her badges.  She had specific faith-based answers that gave me a glimpse into her values. I could see her sense of humor, her cheeky grin, her intelligence.  I could see my potential future wife and I couldn’t wait to swipe right.  Can’t say other apps hit this sweet spot quite so well.

So if you’re like me and The Dating Diva seems to be an ever-haunting force in your search for a Christian spouse, may I suggest switching it up?  Give SALT a try, and you’ll find more than just a dating app waiting for you.