This blog post summarises the opinions sourced from the men of SALT on their dating advice to women.

Intro

There’s a lot of dating advice out there, and most of it comes from women to women (although we did ask SALT women to give men their dating advice). Married or not, women often share content aimed at helping other women navigate dating. While there’s nothing wrong with that, many women give advice from a place of pain or, at times, limited understanding. Too often, Christian women make broad statements about single Christian men, with their only evidence being personal experience.

One major challenge for many Christian single women is that they don’t fully understand men. Go figure. I often see questions like, “How do I know if he likes me or if he’s just being friendly?” or, “Should I tell him I like him, or should I wait for him to make the first move?”

Let’s Ask The Men!

The best way to clear up this confusion is simple: ask a man. Single Christian women should have Godly men in their lives they can seek wisdom from. That way, they’re getting insight from the source rather than relying on hearsay. What many fail to recognize is that Christian men often want the same things women want; they just express it differently. While God did make men and women different in many ways, all human beings deeply desire to feel seen, heard, and loved.

Many Christian single women see themselves as “the prize” or the “favor factor,” yet some forget that God loves men, too. Scripture shows an intimate relationship between God and Adam long before Eve was created. This doesn’t mean women are less important, but it does affirm that men are equally loved. Sadly, I’ve seen Christian women dismiss or even criticize men who share dating insights. Often, this stems from past hurt or heartbreak, which can lead them to view all men through a painful lens. Because of that, it becomes difficult to accept advice from men—simply because they’ve been hurt by men before.

Not all men…

Even when hearing phrases like, “Not all men are the same,” it can be hard to believe because of their experiences. That’s why it’s so important to bring those wounds to God and work through the pain before reentering the dating world. It’s unfair to make a new man pay for the mistakes of the old one.

So instead of twiddling our thumbs wondering, “What are Christian single men really thinking?” let’s go straight to the source. On SALT Social, Christian men are sharing advice on key topics like communication, attraction, women making the first move, clarity, and authenticity.

Communication 

“One thing I find a bit challenging is when communication feels one-sided. If I’m asking questions and getting only short, one-word answers, it can feel like I’m conducting an interview rather than having a genuine conversation. Also, when someone messages first with just ‘hi,’ it’s a bit hard to keep the conversation going. A little more creativity and effort in starting the conversation would make things flow better.”

-Cameron

“Healthy communication. Tell me the truth. I can’t be with a woman who I can’t trust. Also keep the provocative pictures for your husband. The world don’t need to see your body. Modest is hottest. Be yourself & the right man will find you. Matthew 6:33-Seek the Kingdom of God & His righteousness & everything will be added to you.”

-Alex

“My first point would be that we aren’t mind-readers. There’s nothing worse than mixed messages, or giving out false signals. Secondly be prepared to work at something. Don’t just write someone off if there isn’t an immediate connection or you don’t get the spark straight away. Sometimes this whole thing can be a process rather than a tick-box exercise. Hope this helps!”

-James

Of course, Christian single women could argue that “it works both ways. Christian men need to be able to communicate too.” Without being defensive, it’s important to take self-inventory and examine the areas that can be improved when it comes to communication with the opposite sex. When was the last time you were truly open and honest with someone? There’s always a risk, but at least you would have been forthcoming with the other person.

What stands out to me most in these responses is the reminder that “men are not mind readers.” Is it really fair to judge a man for something when you’ve never expressed what your expectations were?

Attraction

“Good men exist, but they may not fit worldly ideals. A godly man might not sweep you off your feet with charm, but he will show love, integrity, and respect. Attraction grows over time—prioritize character over instant chemistry. A good man is honest, consistent, and values faith. Don’t let unrealistic expectations blind you to genuine love. Focus on becoming your best self, trust God’s timing, and stay open to love that brings peace, not just excitement. True love often comes in unexpected ways.” 

-Paul

Unfortunately, Hollywood has warped our thinking when it comes to attraction. I’ve seen plenty of women turn men down simply because they were under six feet tall. They knew nothing about his character, his values, or his heart—it was solely because of “her preference.” I’m not saying you have to be with someone you’re not attracted to. God knows exactly what you like, but it’s important to keep in mind that attraction fades with age. What looks beautiful now at 30 may not be the same when you’re almost 80.

It’s time we as Christians look at the totality of a person. He may be under six feet, but what if he is everything you ever prayed for? He may not have a six-pack, but what if he’s a prayer warrior who will fight with you in the Spirit to keep your relationship strong? His hair may not be your first choice, but what if he’s a gentleman who treats you with honor and respect? We need to reevaluate our priorities when it comes to attraction. There’s nothing wrong with having preferences, but be open to what God may have for you.

Women making the first move 

“I also know that when girls are even a little forward sometimes, especially in Christian circles, it can come across as desperate… even when they are not. Look, we all don’t like being vulnerable, but both sides need to put in effort. I think a girl needs to be honest about her interest, as do guys. Speaking as a girl, there is something about a guy pursuing you that feels right. But… that doesn’t mean us ladies should be vague and cryptic.”

-Jo

“In my view, it would help immensely if a lady would let a man know that she is interested in exploring something more than friendship. I am terrible at ‘reading the signs’. Perhaps other men are also. I operate on the basis that, unless a lady communicates to me that she is interested in something more, a lady who is nice to me is simply being nice, polite, and courteous.”

-Josh

“Take action! Don’t sit around waiting for something to happen without making an effort. Why do you expect someone to enter your life and care for you when you don’t even show the slightest interest in them? Show attention, be genuine women. Love is something you should master and give unconditionally, not something men should have to beg for!”

-Krasimir

“Be the one to take the first step. While we all want things to play out like a romance movie, we feel like it’s only a matter of time before one is known as “that guy” for approaching the ladies after Church and whatnot.”

-Hugo

Depending on how you were raised, many women believe it looks desperate to make the first move. They think it automatically makes them the pursuer, as if they’re chasing a man. But that’s not the case. Giving a man the “green light” can be as simple as starting a conversation or showing interest in what he enjoys. When I first met my husband, I never intended to pursue him. I simply opened the conversation by thanking him for a post that encouraged me. From there, he took the lead and began to pursue me. Still, if I had never initiated that conversation, we may never have developed a relationship.

I believe many Christian single women are afraid of the risk, but there’s no such thing as a risk-free relationship. You’re putting yourself out there with the possibility of being rejected—but even if you are, it simply means that person wasn’t right for you. It has nothing to do with your worth or your value. Too often, women take rejection personally and immediately ask, “What’s wrong with me?” The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with the person God created you to be. So don’t be afraid to start a conversation and show interest. It could be something as simple as saying, “I enjoy talking with you and would like to get to know you.” Keep it simple, and don’t overthink it.

Clarity 

“Be clear and let us know you’re not interested, most of us are ok with rejection but ghosting is just disrespectful (just personal experience).”

-Jeremy

It’s not easy to tell someone you’re not interested. Many Christian single women overthink this out of fear of being rude, but clarity is always kindness. I firmly believe in the phrase, “Leave the person better than you found them.” More often than not, people appreciate honesty over being strung along just to spare their feelings.

I remember a guy in high school who clearly liked me, but I didn’t feel the same way. It wasn’t about a lack of attraction—I simply didn’t like him as more than a friend. During our senior class trip to San Antonio, Texas, he and I had an open and honest conversation. I told him that the feeling wasn’t mutual. While I could see he was disappointed, he respected me for being straightforward. We even enjoyed the rest of the trip as friends, with no hard feelings between us.

If you’ve gone on a few dates and don’t see potential for a relationship, it’s best to say so early. The last thing you want is to end up in a one-sided relationship where they’re all in and you’re not. As God’s people, we are called to be an example in the dating world and treat others with honor.

Authenticity 

“Paint a 3D picture of the totality of who you are. It’d be great if more women wrote more about their unique personality + interests outside of their faith/beliefs. I want to be with someone who shares my faith, of course, but your doctrine and beliefs on their own don’t encompass everything. If you’re only highlighting your beliefs and faith, it leads me to believe you have no major hobbies, passions, quirks, & interests outside of that; which paints a 2D representation of who you really are.”

-Caleb

“Don’t use picture filters! You are beautiful just the way God designed you. We should all be sharing the authentic version of ourselves and that goes for the men as well. Pray! God said in Genesis 2:18 that it is not good for man to be alone, so he will make a helper designed especially for him. Ask the Lord to prepare you and introduce you to that man. He will when both you and the man are ready. Sorry ladies, but Men have a longer preparation time. I’m 51 and God is still preparing me!!!!”

-Michael

We live in a culture that tells us what’s beautiful and what’s not. Many women believe they need to be a certain size, a certain weight, have a certain length of hair, and meet countless other standards in order to be attractive to the opposite sex. While there’s nothing wrong with being stylish or wearing makeup, if you’re doing it out of insecurity to attract a man, that’s when it becomes dangerous. You’re not being your authentic self. You’re essentially wearing a mask, expecting this man to care for you when he doesn’t even know the real you.

The Bible says, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting.” What makes a woman stand out more than anything is her reverence and fear of the Lord. If you want to attract a godly man, focus on maturing in your own godly character. Yes, take care of yourself and wear the styles you like, but at the end of the day, you need to be yourself. You’ll feel so much better knowing this man is drawn to you—not a perceived version of you.

Change takes time. If anything from the comments above stood out to you, take it to the Lord and ask Him where you need to grow and improve. It’s easy to get defensive and point fingers at the opposite sex, saying what they should do better. But take time to look within and examine your own heart first.

SALT Social

Want to join the conversation? SALT Social is the go-to space for users to connect on a fun yet Kingdom-centered level. Ask for relationship advice, share a worship song, or post a photo of your favorite vacation spot. And who knows—you might meet someone amazing along the way!

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