Most Christian singles hope they’re married before age thirty. Even some younger Christians in their early twenties think something is wrong if they’re not married at twenty-five. Where do we get these timelines from? Who says that there’s an expiration date on getting married or that it’s too late once you’re past fifty?
TL;DR: The Summary
How do you know if you’re rushing to the altar? Here are a few ways to tell.
2. You Confuse Chemistry With Calling
3. You’re Spiritually Guilt-Tripped
This doesn’t mean you’re going to have everything figured out prior to marriage, but you should involve God in the process. He knows who’s right for you so don’t ignore the uneasiness you may feel in your spirit. If He’s clearly saying “This is not me; this is not my will,” don’t ignore it thinking you can change the other person. Only God can change a human heart so don’t buy into the lie that you’re the exception.
Intro
I think it’s a combination of things that make Christians believe they need to get married fast. Most churches regard marriage as the “end all be all,” so most Christian singles feel left out or as if they have an incurable disease. Depending on where you live in the world, society makes marriage sound like the next step in life. You go to school, find a career, get married, and have kids. Marriage is simply seen as a part of life.
Perhaps you grew up in a culture where marriage is regarded, so you feel the pressure from family members. You want to believe they mean well, but you hate going home for the holidays alone because you already know between your mother and your aunts, someone is going to ask “Are you seeing anyone? You need to hurry up.”
Specifically for single Christian women, they feel the pressure as most want to be mothers and they feel like they need to make it happen so they can have children. I’m not saying God wants every woman to have a baby after thirty-five or even forty, but I have seen God bless older women with healthy babies. It may not have been what they expected, but they wouldn’t trade their child for anything, even if it meant waiting a little longer.
Unfortunately, all of these pressures from the outside, and even within, have caused most Christian singles to make rash decisions. They rush to say “I do,” only to be in a marriage that God never intended. I’m in a Facebook group of new wives and I can’t tell you the stories I’ve seen shared from women who got married in haste. Now they faced divorce, which we all know is devastating.
1. You’re Ignoring Red Flags
You see it, but you don’t want to see it. Maybe they dismiss your convictions, don’t follow through on what they say, or they show flashes of control or inconsistency—but you brush it off. You tell yourself, “Nobody’s perfect” or “God can change them.” Yes, He can—but you’re not the Holy Spirit, and marriage doesn’t fix dysfunction. It magnifies it.
If your gut is uneasy and you keep having to silence your discomfort, slow down. Red flags aren’t just warnings. They’re invitations to pause and pray. Don’t override the caution signs just because you want the story to move faster.
My experience
In my teens I used to think that because I dated a guy in church that that was all it took. I was wrong. A lot of guys I dated simply went through the motions but they were not sold out to God. The big test was when it came to premarital sex and a lot of them saw nothing wrong with it. I did, so I knew deep down it wasn’t going to work.
By the time I met my husband, he was already committed to walking in purity. He led in that area so I didn’t need to explain my boundaries. That’s the difference. You want someone who is already walking with the Lord intentionally. Not checking things off their religious to-do list.
Ignoring red flags
And this is why ignoring red flags is so dangerous. Because most of the time, the things you try to excuse in the beginning only grow louder over time. When someone’s lifestyle contradicts the convictions you’re building your life on, it won’t “fix itself” after you say “I do.” It only gets heavier to carry. People don’t magically become God-fearing, consistent, or mature because they got married. Marriage doesn’t change character—it reveals it.
Sometimes the hardest part isn’t noticing the red flag. It’s admitting that it means something. But God is not trying to ruin your love story—He’s trying to protect it. His “no” or “not yet” isn’t punishment. It’s safety, it’s mercy. It’s Him sparing you from a future version of yourself wishing you had listened.
Red flags don’t disqualify a person from God’s love—but they might disqualify them from leading you in a covenant relationship. Pay attention. Ignoring what God is showing you never ends well.
2. You Confuse Chemistry With Calling
Just because there’s a spark doesn’t mean there’s a future. That magnetic pull, the shared worship playlist, the cute inside jokes—those are great. But chemistry without character is a crash waiting to happen.
God doesn’t just pair people based on passion. He aligns purpose. Are your lives pointed in the same direction when no one’s watching? Does your connection carry the weight of calling—or just the heat of compatibility? Marriage needs more than vibes. It needs vision.
My experience
As I got to know my husband, I knew we would work together in some form to please God. Now we work side by side in ministry, leading out our church’s podcast. We tag team when discussing the scriptures and I can see how God is working through our marriage to bless others.
Do we have fun? Yes, one of our favorite things to do together is watch documentaries or silly reels on Facebook. It’s part of our marriage but not the foundation. When we started talking, we started with our faith and the Word of God. From there it grew from a spiritual to an emotional connection. When God does it, you’ll know because things will progress gradually and at a healthy pace.
Tempted to rush
This is where Christian singles often panic. They meet someone, feel a spark, and suddenly think, “This must be God.” But emotions can be loud. Attraction can be strong. Chemistry can cloud clarity if you don’t slow down long enough to check the spiritual foundation beneath it.
Chemistry is easy. It doesn’t take discernment to enjoy someone’s personality, laugh at their jokes, or feel drawn to them. But calling takes time. Calling reveals what your life will look like five, ten, twenty years down the road.
Calling asks questions like: Can you pray together? Can you grow together? Can you walk through storms together? Will you raise children in Christ together? Chemistry won’t answer those questions for you. Character will.
When God truly calls two people together, there’s alignment—not just attraction. There’s clarity—not confusion. There’s growth—not compromise. Chemistry can start a relationship, but calling sustains a marriage.
3. You’re Spiritually Guilt-Tripped
Maybe someone said, “If you keep waiting, you’ll miss your blessing.” Or worse, “God told me you’re my spouse.” That’s not discernment. That’s manipulation, especially if they take away your free will and force you to choose. Pressure cloaked in scripture is still pressure.
Don’t let someone’s urgency become your timeline. God’s will is never forced or frantic. When something is truly from Him, it doesn’t need fear to convince you. You’re allowed to take your time, ask hard questions, and walk away if peace isn’t present—no matter how “spiritual” it looks.
My experience
While my husband did believe that God told him I was his wife, he didn’t tell me until after we were engaged. Why? He didn’t want me to feel pressured. He wanted me to come to my own conclusions and seek God’s counsel on my own. In time, God did confirm it and I’m so glad my husband was patient and waited for me. That’s the difference. God can very well show you, but don’t use it as a weapon against the other person to force what you want. They have free will so don’t take it away from them, and keep in mind, it is possible to get it wrong.
You may think God is telling you “they’re the one,” but it’s really your own emotions and desires. This happened to me with the guy I met prior to my husband. I could have sworn God told me he was my husband, but when it didn’t work out, I had to swallow the tough pill that it was all in my head. When it’s truly God, He’ll confirm with the other person.
Danger of over-spiritualizing
This is why spiritual pressure is so dangerous. It bypasses your own discernment. It tries to shortcut the process God designed to protect you. When someone uses God’s name to bypass your boundaries, your wisdom, your timing, or your relationship with Him—that’s not holy. That’s harmful.
God never needs fear tactics to fulfill His will. If someone is rushing you, using scripture to guilt you, or trying to make you feel like you’re “disobeying God” by taking things slowly, step back. Love waits. Wisdom waits. God Himself waits. Manipulation does not belong in the foundation of a marriage. And if it’s happening before the wedding…it only grows after.
4. You Don’t Know Their Fruit
You know their favorite scripture and how they act on Sunday. But do you know their fruit? How do they handle disappointment, correction, or confrontation? How do they treat people who can’t benefit them?
Jesus said we’ll know people by their fruit, not by how loud they worship or how often they fast. You need more than spiritual hype. You need evidence of maturity, humility, consistency—and repentance when they mess up. Fruit takes time to grow. If you haven’t seen it yet, don’t tie your life to what might develop later.
My experience
My husband’s faith isn’t limited on Sundays. He lives it out every day. He wakes up every morning to read and pray. When God gives him the green light, he has no problem praying for a stranger he just met. Jesus is his lifestyle and I saw that right away.
Even when we were talking, he cut it off after a certain time because he didn’t want our conversations to turn inappropriate. In the past, the guys I dated didn’t care about that. It never bothered them to say something sensual to me on the phone. My husband though was different because he even wanted our conversations to please the Lord.
So ask yourself this. Does this person’s life clearly show Jesus? If not, that’s a huge red flag.
Progress, not perfection
This is where many Christians get blindsided. We think fruit means perfection. It doesn’t. Fruit means growth. Fruit means humility. It means integrity when no one is watching. Fruit means accountability when they’re wrong. Fruit means consistent choices that reflect Jesus—not a perfect performance.
You can’t know someone’s fruit after two months of talking. Yes, you can see their personality. You can know their charm. You can know their social media presence. But fruit requires time. Fruit requires seasons. Fruit requires seeing how they respond when:
- They’re frustrated
- They’re disappointed
- They’re corrected
- They’re tempted
- They’re stressed
- They’re offended
If someone cannot handle real-life pressures with Christlike maturity before marriage, they will not magically handle them after marriage. Fruit protects you. It proves readiness. Fruit reveals whether someone is truly following Christ or just following vibes.
Don’t marry potential. Don’t marry performances. Marry fruit.
5. God’s Peace Is Missing
You’re anxious, overthinking, and can’t sleep—but keep telling yourself this is what you prayed for. Pause. God’s peace doesn’t produce panic. His presence doesn’t require you to convince yourself that it’s right.
Peace isn’t always loud, but it’s always present. And when God is truly at the center of your relationship, it shows in how you both move—not just in what you say. If peace is absent, your answer might not be “go”—it might be “wait.” Or even “no.”
My experience
Yes, nervousness is normal leading up to marriage but there’s a difference. I was nervous because of my own insecurities. Was I as ready as I thought for marriage? Did I have what it took to be a wife? All of that came from me, but everything else around me confirmed that my husband was indeed the man I had prayed for. To say that the confirmations were repetitive is an understatement.
God even asked me in prayer, “Based on how he lives his life, do you think I would be pleased if you married him?” My honest answer was yes. That was all I needed. I had the free will to either walk away but knowing that this relationship would please the Lord calmed my fears. I said “I do” on my wedding day with no cold feet, no fear, no regrets. God was and is still on our relationship.
What peace means
This is why peace matters so much. Peace doesn’t mean easy. Peace doesn’t mean perfect circumstances. It doesn’t mean zero nerves. Peace means alignment with God’s will. It means clarity when your emotions are loud. Peace means your spirit feels settled even if your mind is processing a big decision.
When God gives peace, it’s steady. When something is off, that lack of peace becomes the signal you can’t ignore. Sometimes God will allow discomfort not to punish you, but to pull you away from something meant to harm you. Peace guards your steps as much as it guides them. Listen when it’s there. Listen even harder when it’s missing.
Let’s Conclude
God’s best doesn’t need to be rushed. He’s not dangling your future like a carrot. He’s protecting it. Before you walk down the aisle, walk through this list. Not with fear, but with faith—knowing that God’s timing is never late and His way is always worth the wait.
No timeline, age, pressure, church culture, or family expectation is worth marrying outside of God’s will. You deserve a relationship built on Christ, rooted in truth, and guided by peace—not panic. If you slow down long enough to hear God clearly, He will lead you. He always does.
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