Should Christian men make the first move? This is a question that many single believers wrestle with as they navigate the complexities of modern dating while staying true to their faith. In a world where dating norms are rapidly evolving, it can be challenging to discern whether traditional roles still apply or if there’s room for a different approach.

When it comes to relationships, the Bible provides principles rather than rigid rules, leaving some room for interpretation. However, there are key insights that can help guide Christian men and women in making God-honoring decisions in their pursuit of a relationship.

Understanding Biblical Leadership and Initiative

The Bible frequently portrays men as leaders, not only within the church but also in relationships and families. Ephesians 5:23 tells us, “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.” This passage has often been cited as support for the idea that men should take the lead in relationships, including making the first move.

However, leadership does not imply dominance. Biblical leadership is about serving, leading with humility, and seeking what is best for the other person. When a Christian man takes initiative in pursuing a relationship, it can demonstrate intentionality, care, and a desire to lead in a Christ-like way.

Should Women Make the First Move?

While the idea of men making the first move is deeply ingrained in Christian culture, there’s no hard rule that women can’t express interest. In the book of Ruth, we see Ruth taking a step of faith by approaching Boaz. Her actions were culturally appropriate at the time and aligned with God’s plan for their union.

Ladies, expressing interest doesn’t mean you’re taking over leadership; it simply means you’re open to communication and showing that you’re available. Sometimes, a kind word, an intentional conversation, or even joining a community where Christian men are present—such as SALT, a leading global Christian dating app—can encourage godly men to step forward.

Here’s what the community on SALT have to say about men making the first move.

20 Practical Points to Consider When Making the First Move

1. Pray First – Seek God’s guidance before pursuing anyone romantically.
2. Be Intentional – If you’re going to make the first move, do it with a purpose, not just to pass the time.
3. Know Your Why – Ask yourself why you’re interested in this person and whether it aligns with your values.
4. Look for Shared Values – Pursuing a relationship should be based on common faith and goals.
5. Start with Friendship – A strong relationship is often rooted in genuine friendship.
6. Be Honest, Not Pushy – Express your interest in a way that’s respectful and non-demanding.
7. Choose the Right Setting – Whether online via apps like SALT or in person, timing and setting matter.
8. Respect Their Response – If they aren’t interested, gracefully accept it and move forward.
9. Be Confident, Not Arrogant – Confidence shows leadership, but arrogance is off-putting.
10. Stay True to Biblical Values – Pursue purity, honesty, and integrity in all interactions.

More tips

11. Guard Your Heart – Don’t let emotions lead you without wisdom.
12. Communicate Clearly – Ambiguity can lead to confusion; be upfront about your intentions.
13. Seek Counsel – Talk to trusted friends or mentors for advice.
14. Be Patient – God’s timing is perfect, so don’t rush into anything.
15. Understand Rejection is Normal – Not everyone will be interested, and that’s okay.
16. Encourage Openness – Healthy relationships thrive on honest communication.
17. Lead with Service – Show interest by serving and caring for the person.
18. Trust God with the Outcome – Regardless of what happens, trust that God is in control.
19. Utilize Christian Dating Resources – Apps like SALT can help connect like-minded believers.
20. Enjoy the Process – Dating should be enjoyable, not stressful.

A Balanced Approach to Making the First Move

Ultimately, whether you believe men should always make the first move or not, the key is to approach relationships with a heart surrendered to God. Taking the first step doesn’t always mean asking someone out directly; sometimes it starts with being intentional in conversations, showing kindness, and building trust.

If you’re unsure about how to start, consider using tools that align with your values, such as the SALT app, which is designed to connect single Christians in a God-honoring way. It offers a platform where individuals who share your faith can engage in meaningful conversations and explore potential relationships.

Conclusion

So, should Christian men make the first move? While tradition suggests they should, what truly matters is a Christ-centered approach to relationships. Whether you’re a man or woman, seeking God’s guidance, being intentional, and prioritizing godly values will lead you in the right direction.

No matter who takes the first step, remember that relationships are a two-way street. Trust God, be courageous, and take action when the Holy Spirit prompts you. In the end, God’s plan is always worth the wait.