Too much pressure on Christian guys?

No, i want a bautist reformed girl, It would be all the pressure for me, to love her as Christ loved the church

I just dont know why Christian men are not bold to approach sister in the church or online. On SALT, a lot of men like my profile and when you like them back, they go quiet. Really random behavior or maybe theyre just worried

The experience I have from the short period of time I was on social media showed me personally most of the things that I do not want in my life. I love people in general always but I stepped quickly away from all of that because I would have to compromise myself , my values and honestly seeking someone outside of a place focused on Jesus would have been taking my life back and running it my way in an all worldly environment. This app is different and clearly keeps the focus on Jesus. Awesome!!!

In my own experiance I find online dating challanging. I feel that no matter how much you hope to meet your future partner, I feel its just as hard to know who is single today without using online or other dating services such as speed dating.

Its a who new paradigm dating apps as apposed to meeting someone in church and very occasionally and I mean VERY occasionally a born-again lady out on the street. Does help however (and this has only happened once) while I was praying for a homeless guy outside a supermarket. What gets me is that there is no difference between someone who is saved and someone who is unsaved in the way we interact! Its really tough and whats more it is my birthday and this is going to be the tenth on my own!

As unemployed man I do feel pressure, but if there there streams of income there's no pressure.

Christian women often value: Consistency, Emotional maturity, Intentionality. Those are beautiful traits, but some men may feel they cannot show uncertainty, vulnerability, or slower pacing without being judged as “not ready. But here’s the other side : Us, women also carry pressure: To be modest but attractive Faithful but not “too intense” Independent but still feminine Patient but not passive. So often it’s not that one gender has it harder, it's more of overthinking on day 1.

Our generation is sick and has erred because it doesn't read the Word. What man in the Bible felt any pressure to pay the bill or take the lead in the relationship? Abraham (Isaac), Jacob, Caleb, David, Samson? They all paid a price to receive this blessing—which comes from God. Namely, a prudent, wise, kind, modest, chaste... virtuous woman. "Her worth is far above rubies," isn't that how it's written? (Continue in the commentaries)

If something doesn't help you in your quest to be closer to God its not worth pursuing. Jesus told his followers to seek his kingdom not earthly things that will not exist in new heaven and new earth

I think there is a world standard conditioning. Church women have similar expectations as non-Christians. Its basically looks and money in essence. Less about character and potential. It makes it difficult for men to pursue coz very few men are in the 10% (looks/money). We thought in the church we'd meet different women but the standards are just the same. I personally don't bother of late 🙌🏿😂

Even the Christian minded women want top 10% men. Its insanse. They say they want a Godly man, but when you try getting to know them, they play games

When I try to pursue someone, I find that no one ever wants to be pursued by me. I don’t get any matches on SALT, not even talking stages. When I try, I get ignored. And it is disheartening because everyone else around me seems to find their half. I’m jealous, not in the bad way, but I really want what they are having. And I can’t take this anymore. I’m trying and trying to put myself out there and get nothing. I preach and have ministry, have decent job, but maybe main problem is my face

- I think dating apps have compeltely changed the dynamics between men and women. - Most women go for the top 10-20% men. The bottom 80% struggle to get matches or replies. - Women talk about having bad experiences on the app, but they almost always go for the same group of people who have too many options. - Their experiences affect their views on men, when in reality, most of them didn’t even get a chance. The conclusion is, no one wins. Neither men, nor women. This is sad.

Good question. In my experience, a lot of guys do the approaching/pursuing but some say they dont find it easy. I dont think there s a right or wrong on this. If a guy has the confidence to approach, pursue i think its an attractive quality. But if he doesnt, it doesnt mean there is anything wrong with him. Life is hard. I think we need to give each other grace for the different ways we are all wired/made. And the different experiences we have had that shape us.

Morning pple

Yes. Often made to feel not good enough

I think a Godly man should know that they are born and blessed with a leadership role. A man who follows Christ ,should walk in the footsteps of Christ guided by the Holy Spirit. They dont need to be convinced or mislead by social noise because their faith is so strong and they believe that they are called to lead with gentleness, courage, wit, love and provision. When you understand the role you play in the relationship through understanding God’s purpose for you in that partnership, all works

Most women want masculine responsibility without masculine authority = slavery Plus laws are so one sided it is not worth it sometimes

The whole "I want to travel and have fun and there are no worthy men anymore" schtick gets old quick.

Any male who has found his identity/purpose in Christ shouldn't feel pressured to prove himself. I believe this is the reason the gender dysphoria is more in males. A man who is to proud to be helped isn't in line with scriptures. A male needs both the help of the HolySpirit & the female to fulfill his God ordained purpose on earth. If God as Christ can eliminate pride to stepdown from his throne, submit to the HolySpirit to fulfil purpose then no male has any excuse or right to be to proud.

I think the dynamic has changed for the worse for men because of feminism and the societal changes it has led to . Women needed and wanted men. Good reputation and chastity were important for marriage prospects. Family and having children were central. Nowadays women can live independent.

Approaching and paying is all right but too few women make themselves approachable. And even on Christian apps few women behave like christians, many don't answer or end up saying they are looking for a husband but not really. Let your no be no and your yes be yes.

It's about finding someone who likes you for who you are in Christ, not for your best imitation of someone you're not. So I feel zero pressure being myself. 🙂

Men face constant pressure on how to act, yet women often invest zero effort. My aim isn't to dismiss roles, both genders have responsibilities. In dating, if interested, women should give men a clear opening. I've found most people in the church are friendly, and I dont assume attraction unless shown otherwise.

I don’t even think it’s just about initiative. I think a bigger issue is that a lot of people aren’t really open to getting to know someone and giving it a real chance. Not everyone of course, but I’ve definitely seen situations where people go on dates just for a free meal, and that makes it hard for genuine connection to happen.

I believe men need to take the first step. It's the first step of all that will come after. If the woman runs and takes the first step, the man needs to run faster, hold her hand, and lead the dance. A biblical man is like Christ: he loves first, seeks first, and gives his life for her. If he can't handle the pressure now, he isn't a Man but a boy. He won't be able to support the pressure after the "yes." It's better to ask to leave.

Interesting comments. I think once you find your person and you’re both rooted in God, you’ll naturally find your rhythm. It won’t feel like pressure or comparison. The foundation is key.

Yes, these dynamics and pressurea exist. Its frustrating because this is tge place to explore each othercand get to know a potential partner. It would be nice to be met half way.

Yes, we don't find anyone to comfort us and comfort us

That's why she's meant to be help mate not 50/50

I think to preserve ones intimacy till marriage, stay celibate or virgin is very important here for ones safety. I safely hear about from girls how even here on salt, some guys talk about sex before marriage which is very sad to hear. I think if they both hold this aim, it will be very good for the future couple

No inglish

I don't feel that the expectation to approach, pursue and initiate is too much. Most women I've spent time with prefer to go 50/50 especially on first dates. I do think that there's a lot of pressure and expectation to "entertain" however. The vast majority make no attempt at making conversation. However that's something I've also heard women say about men on these threads too.

I believe God designed masculinity and femininity to beautifully complement one another. When a man walks in strong, grounded, Christ-led masculinity—protective, purposeful, and steady—it creates space for a woman to rest in her full femininity—soft, nurturing, radiant, and expressive. And her grace inspires him to rise even higher. Rooted in faith, a relationship where strength meets gentleness and both reflect God’s divine design is of the highest value. May God Bless you all 🙏💕

This is thing. Expectations. I hear one of the main reasons given in a divorce or break up is 'unmet expectations'. I don't even know who made these rules. Why does the man HAVE to pay for anything unless he would like. It's been programmed into us to think this way. But then again perhaps people have their preferences for a reason. It's traditionalism mixed in with modernity and this is the result. I think these are unsaid rules that led to pressure. Even I have to challenge my thinking on this

The fewer people you date, the less baggage you are likely to deal with. Several dating relationships mean several breakups, and several breakups mean lots of baggage. Christian men and women need to aim to settle down with the person they enter into an exclusive relationship with, if God has placed them in their life for that purpose.

Yes. Why should be bother?

I’m not convinced the issue is whether Christian men face “too much pressure.” Often the real question is who absorbs the pressure when one person opts out. I was in domestic abuse for 13 years. Proverbs 31 was weaponised to justify why I should provide, manage the household, parent, and carry the mental load. Two oxen are yoked to share the work. If one claims less strain, the other does the work of two. The problem isn’t pressure—it’s entitlement disguised as theology. It’s a heart issue.

I think the expectation standards set by entertainment media (eg. Disney, Hollywood, reality TV) have largely been accepted by the Church in Western countries. Those standards (some of which are pure fantasy, many of which are worldly) then have added to them the demands for Biblical virtues, such as Christlike character, purity, spiritual maturity, etc. There are religious and worldly expectations placed on both sexes, and those expectations of what and how we should be can create pressure.

Hot take (perhaps) but if a man feels like there's too much pressure to the point that he can't handle it (a little pressure is fine, it makes us improve ourselves) then he shouldn't date at all, just wait until you're prepared enough to deal with it.

No really, we just have Jesus as the standard we have to live up to 😂

No. But remember, Ruth proposed to Boaz. If the womans gift is her finances she should use her finances to serve. If he is poor and serves with his hands, then he should use his gift of serving to serve. There is no rich or poor in Christ. That's classism. Biblical masculinity is Christlikeness. It's counterculteral (and that includes American culture. ) Jesus is our role model for masculinity. It is not black and white. I've pursued women in dating and been pursued by women. And I'm celibate.

My experience is some women demand or expect certain things, but arent willing to give the same things back. For me it seems unfair and unrealistic

Most men here don't feel any pressure then..(or can work under pressure? 😝😏😅)

Healthy masculine man pursues, it is how God made them. Pressure is a fuel for purpose with men. Its the bees who goes to the flowers, the sperms who swims to the egg. Its the egg who chooses healthy sperm & rejects unhealthy sperm. A beautiful polarity of Masculine & Feminine. Masculine gives, feminine receives sameway goes in consummate. Divine masculine men Protects, Leads & Provides for the women no excuses. Feminine nurtures, submits, multiply. Its their different role & Divine calling.

Im old fashioned, i dont expect a guy to pay on a first date. Id offer to split it. Unless he insisted. Im an old romantic. But you dont see it these days. Guys holding doors, pulling out your chair ect....

So what's the Christian solution to capitalism? Answers on a postcard

That isn't pressure

it does get a bit depressing sending intro after intro getting no response would be nice to hear back from someone hopefully i get to delete this app in 2026

Yeah it's due 2 feminism that screwed everything. In Spain u can not be a man, they do not let you, we have less rights. If they like u it's a complkment otherwise it's "harassment". Plus it's full of spoiled impure girls

Diamonds are made under pressure 💎

Related to the taking a women out on a date. Truth is she has probably gine out a couple of times before and then things went side ways. If you are intentional about someone then do something different. It doesnt have to be a restaurant. Can be a picnic. A walk and a coffee. Women just want to see that you actually thought about this and planned it and put effort in it. Women although complicated are simple. We just want to feel valued and special . Doesnt have to be fancy.

Too much pressure? Its called being a MAN. But "most" men nowadays doesnt want to act like a masculine man anymore as they want to be pursued, 50/50 on dates, dont want to lead and initiate. They basically wants to be the price. Not biblical anymore 🤷‍♀️ Its sad.

Nah this isn't pressure, this is the right way to go about it. It shows emphasis on biblical values and leading as God created man to do.

I don’t feel like there is pressure. It’s more a patience and discernment process in my opinion, to find a person with similar vision. Then unselfish love will handle the rest. It saddens me that some people give up their search prematurely.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

My view is that pursuit, for want of a better word, is far more fraught than it once was. The sad fact is that a number of high profile men have behaved in such an appalling way so as to cast a negative perception on male-female pursuit. Personally, unless I have a pretty firm indication that a lady I'm interested in reciprocates that interest, I will typically remain aloof. As a divorced dad, the risk of my pursuit being misinterpreted and the ensuing hoo haa is simply too great.

There are plenty of expectations for men and a lot of things you have to take into consideration. But I personally feel no pressure. If I like a woman to some extent I will let her know. And her reaction is not in my control so also reason to worry about it. Ive had plenty of rejections so at some point you stop caring when they do

It’s true that for men in the church there are a lot of expectations and pressure, and at the same time not enough guidance from men who are already established in marriage. Stay strong brothers !

One of the main reasons I’m on this app is because I would really struggle to ‘approach’ women in person, say at church. I definitely would not be able to initiate anything in person, unless I got to know someone really well first beforehand. I think it would be great if I could meet a woman in person, or even on here, who reaches out to me first, that would show me that they are very proactive, sociable and assertive, which I think is very valuable :)

It’s not necessarily pressure, and paying for a date is reasonable (though it shouldn’t have to be expensive), but what there seems to be is a lack of grace and giving guys a chance. In church settings, guys have a lot to lose if rejected - in some cases getting badmouthed/gossiped about, even if everything is above board. Ideally, a relationship grows out of friendship and you ask someone out on a date because you’ve got some idea of who they are and an incline of mutual attraction.

If they wanted to, they would. If they don't, somene else will 🤷‍♀️

No, I don't feel pressure. I'm happy to pay but equally I don't believe in the notion that it HAS to be the man to initiate and pursue. After all, Ruth initiated/pursed Boaz. Plus, the word "pursue" has connotations of one party playing hard-to-get or "ooo chase me" or guys "playing it cool". This is immature. We're all grown adults, we shouldn't be playing games.

All I can say is this, what my grandparents and before that time had, and what we have now regarding finding someone and getting married are vastly different. The expectations of traditions are still expected but overwhelming only for males (especially in Western Countries)

I feel the preasure is for everyone. It's a tough but wonderful game. God is good. We experience Him in this too as He is the relation-oriented God :D