Itâs hard if I actually met them I usually just say you were lovely ( which is often true!) but I donât feel like weâre a match. Good luck on your search. Unfortunately some people demand to know why and Iâve had a few get nasty sadly but most people take it well and reply with well wishes respectfully.
Block their number
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@Breana âyea? And why is that?â đ
@Jude these kind of responses are SO frustrating. Theyâre uncomfortable, unnecessary, and to be frank in some situations ânot earntâ. Ie if youâve been in a handful of date or âtalked for a handful of weeks, then yâall donât know each other. It is completely unnecessary to put pressure on another or to make them say something that will probably upset you anyway - they donât know you and they are likely off the mark anyway!
@Amber I know, and I was being cheeky. If someone said âI donât see this progressing beyond a friendshipâ Iâm smart enough to know what this means. However, based on the comments below, as I understand, some people want a reason⌠even if they donât deserve one. I personally wouldnât be saying that.
@Jude yea I saw that too - itâs a really tough balance between loving each other in Christ and respecting someone we âdonât knowâ We should all pray for wisdom!
Hebanna
I think being honest and upfront about your standards, values and what you are looking for in another person would assist a lot. Any person who respects you will excuse themselves immediately when they see they won't fit. There's also those stubborn ones who in some way would try and convince you to drop your standards simply because they are down there from your level. Never ever go down to anyone's level but they must rise up to your standards instead.
I think kindness and honesty are the best principles. So many people don't bother to talk, it's fair to thank the person for chatting but just say you're not feeling you're a good match. Sometimes the conversation will fade naturally and then I don't think much needs to be said but if they are still making an effort, I wouldn't just ghost them because I think that can be confusing and hurtful - you don't know how much confidence/resilience the other person has in dating.
@Millie This sounds like wise advice. I appreciate the consideration of others in your words.
And unrelated note, but I see in your bio a mention of Rees Howells. His story of faith and committment to intercession is so inspiring and challenging!
@Angela isn't it just! I was blown away when I first read his story, I think I will always aspire to walk in his footsteps!
ÂŤÂ I Hope you find what youâre looking for 
<<âŚbearing in mind that sometimes what youâre looking for is not what you needâŚIâm just saying >>
The classic âItâs not you, itâs meâ
At first âghostingâ confused me, but now I think it is generally the best way if youâve only chatted a little bit. I see it like youâre at a party mingling, the conversation dies down and both move on - thereâs no need for a rejection speech. ďżź But if youâve communicated more deeply, or met/communicated off the app, or one person just isnât getting the hint, then I think a brief note would be appropriate. ďżź
Also, I think it would be nice if we had a different word than âghosting.â Before I started online dating, I reserved âghostingâ for long-term IRL friends who suddenly stopped communicating with no explanation. I think if youâve only briefly chatted, there should be a less negative term.ďżź
@Michelle Maybe the Salt version should be getting "Elijahed" đ¤Ł
@Michelle maybe Caspering as then itâs at least a friendly ghost đť
@Heidi đ perfect!
One more thing :) - if you want to keep the conversation going, always include a question in every message â this is a little different from IRL, but if someone responds to me without asking a question, I often see that as a polite way of not continuing the conversation. ďżź
@Ali Joy Yes! Well said!
@Ali Joy this makes a lot of sense đđ˝
@Ali Joy I agree with this to a point. But I do think, if someone has been having a decent back and forth for days and then suddenly stops chatting but doesnât unmatch thatâs just a bit odd for me. But that could be because itâs not how I would do thingsâŚ.
@Ali Joy with that I completely agree
@Jess yeah, depends on the situation. I was thinking more of conversations that never got off the ground. I agree with what you and Ali said below.
@Michelle or maybe what you said above đ- never know where in the thread the message is going to show up đ
@Ali Joy I would agree with you on that. You donât need to explain yourself why necessarily but to tell someone youâre unmatching that youâve been chatting to I agree is kind and respectful
@Michelle a little shocked by some of these thoughts about ghosting of I may say. I believe there's never a reason to air or ghost etc. I would be mortified and embarrassed with myself if I treated someone that way. Even if we had only exchanged a couple of messages. I believe how a person leaves a conversation says more about their character than how one enters into it. That's just my 2pence worth. We are called to love. Jesus said its more to love enemies than friends...
So if you're a stranger to me you get the same dignity as if I've known you for years. We are called to love as the highest commandment. I believe our Nation can do better than where we are currently. This goes for all of us myself included. The Lord will get us there but we have to be willing to see what the problem is. Just thought I'd offer up another perspective on this đ tbh it made me a little sad to read đŞ
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@Jp đŻđĽđĽ
@Michelle I agree I have been ghosted and Iâm not offended, we didnât meet so I donât need an ending it speech. If we accept people are talking to multiple people on here and donât take it personally itâs fine.
Part of what makes the "rejection" painful is if the person does not know why they are being let go from the match. At least for me that is one of the harder parts. So i make sure to inform the person what the problem is, whether age, beliefs, goals, lifestyle or worldview, or whatever the case. As long as they at least know what the problem is, it is easier to move forward. Thats my humble opinion on that matter.
@Luna I think I agree with this! And I don't mean to be a whiner, but I get kind of uneasy if I am told "very nice" or something along those lines; it feels like it ends up being followed by rejection when I hear that.
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@Mathew Someoneâs been getting them matches. Nice one bro đ
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Well saidđđžđđž
@Marina I have some good friends (made on here and other dating apps!) and they take an exchange of messages very personally đ my heart breaks for them as they put so much hope and pressure on every match and date!
@Isabel - Team SALT we were talking on a thread I posted about intros, about how you have to match to respond and how itâs a shame you canât respond without matching so many are reluctant to so no ones hopes get up. Even responding to intros, for me, is about rejecting graciously but if to respond I have to match then itâs a bit more awkward because they will think itâs something when itâs not, even in those early stages people can be super invested!
Letâs be real, you girls usually ghost us đť
@Jude if itâs a match I never ghost and actually havenât ghosted anyone. I always have a ânot feeling itâ chat although thatâs generally been more about location because God isnât saying anything about moving us than anything else. I would hate to be ghosted so I wouldnât ghost. I have been ghosted by men after chatting and I was confused so I wouldnât do that to someone else.
@Jess Iâm sure the gents here will be happy to know đ
@Jude amen haha
@Jude preach!
@Jude I've never ghosted either and think it's a bullet dodged of someone does it to you. Sad to hear girls are doing this too.
@Jude there are ghosts of all genders đť
@Heidi haha! You know I wouldnât ghost you because weâre both in Sydney! đ
Honest, straightforward, short and to the point. Imo, if you're putting God first, cultivating your relationship with God first, and seeking Him in prayer, and being prayerful about every person, you will know pretty quickly if they are right for you or not. But if you're not prayerful, you'll end up dragging things on, getting tangled up, making it harder. For me it's as simple as, "Thank you for taking the time but you're not right for me, God bless." Short and to the point. Time is precious!
The sooner the better
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@Jamie do you say nothing then?
Be mature and honest about why you dont believe it's the right match. Most people will want the right person of God's choosing so will appreciate the doors that close too
And above all be kind
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@Nicole đ
@Nicole đ¤Ł
Be honest but kind. Be up front from the beginning about how you conduct things - I always tell people Iâm not thinking about relationships until I know we can be good friends because for me that is the basis for anything romantic.
The bad news sandwich. List 2-3 good qualities, explain you don't think you're a good match romantically, follow up with but I think we'd make good friends or wishing them luck on their search
I don't think anyone wants to eat that! đđđ
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Similar to an exit letter from your job
@Marcia đ
