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How can Christians discern if a relationship is in God’s will?

February 25, 2025

Matthew Townend

February 25, 2025

3–5 minutes

All, Christian Dating Advice, Theology

Discerning whether a relationship aligns with God’s will can feel like navigating a maze. As single Christians, we want more than just a good match; we long for a relationship that honors God and reflects His purpose for our lives. But how do we discern if a relationship truly aligns with His will?

God’s will isn’t a puzzle designed to frustrate us. Instead, it’s revealed through His Word, His Spirit, and the wisdom He provides through life and community. If you’re unsure whether your relationship is in God’s will, consider these 20 biblical principles:

1. Does It Encourage Your Walk With God?

A relationship grounded in God’s will will encourage both of you to grow spiritually. Does your partner inspire you to read Scripture, pray, and actively serve? Mutual encouragement in faith is a powerful sign of alignment with God’s plan.

2. Are You Both Equally Yoked?

2 Corinthians 6:14 reminds us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. This doesn’t just mean sharing the same faith but also having similar spiritual goals and values.

3. Does It Align With Scripture?

God’s Word is the ultimate guide. If your relationship involves behaviors or practices that contradict Scripture, it’s time to re-evaluate.

4. Are You Seeking God Together?

Make prayer and Bible study part of your relationship. Praying together can reveal God’s direction and unify your purpose as a couple.

5. Are You Being Honest?

A relationship built on lies or half-truths cannot be in God’s will. Ephesians 4:25 emphasizes speaking truthfully. Trust and transparency are essential foundations.

6. Is It Built on Sacrificial Love?

God’s love is selfless. A Christ-centered relationship reflects this sacrificial love (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Does your relationship mirror this kind of love?

7. Are You Listening to Wise Counsel?

Proverbs 15:22 reminds us that plans succeed with many advisers. Seek guidance from trusted Christian mentors, family, and friends.

8. Are You Following Peace?

Colossians 3:15 says to let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. A relationship in God’s will often comes with a deep sense of peace.

God often brings people together for a shared purpose in His Kingdom. Are you aligned in how you serve God and others?

10. Is There Evidence of the Fruits of the Spirit?

Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Are these present in your relationship?

guy on date

11. Are You Patient in Pursuing the Relationship?

Love requires patience. Are you rushing into commitment or allowing God to unfold the relationship in His timing?

12. Is It Free of Sexual Sin?

Hebrews 13:4 emphasizes keeping the marriage bed pure. Sexual sin can cloud judgment and make discerning God’s will difficult.

13. Do You Support Each Other’s Calling?

God has a unique plan for each person. Does your partner support and encourage your calling, and vice versa?

14. Are You Growing as Individuals?

A healthy relationship helps each person grow closer to God and develop individually. Is your relationship strengthening or stalling your personal growth?

15. Is Your Relationship Marked by Respect?

Respect is crucial. Ephesians 5:33 highlights mutual respect between partners. Are you honoring each other’s boundaries and opinions?

16. Are You Praying for God’s Guidance?

Proverbs 3:5-6 calls us to trust in the Lord and seek His direction. Make prayer a priority as you discern His will.

17. Are You Content in Singleness?

Sometimes, the best way to discern God’s will for your relationship is to evaluate your contentment in singleness. A relationship should complement your walk with God, not replace it.

18. Are You Prioritizing Community?

God often uses the church community to provide wisdom and affirmation. Are you staying connected to a faith-filled community for accountability and support?

19. Do You Trust God’s Plan?

Trusting God’s will means being open to His timing and His choice—even if it means letting go of a relationship that’s not right.

20. Are You Using Resources to Discern?

Sometimes, practical tools can help. SALT, a global Christian dating app, connects you with like-minded Christians who value faith at the center of their relationships. It’s an excellent resource for discerning and finding relationships that align with God’s will.

Discerning whether a relationship is in God’s will requires prayer, patience, and a willingness to seek God above all else. Remember, God is faithful to guide you when you earnestly seek Him. Trust Him to direct your path, whether it leads to deepening your current relationship or discovering new opportunities to walk in His will.

One response to “How can Christians discern if a relationship is in God’s will?”

James Wesley

August 23, 2025 at 10:18 pm

God doesn’t make life choices for us. And we don’t always “God’s will” when it comes to specific situations. We do know His will in a general sense, sure. I do like these points, though.

Concerning Point #17, though, you don’t have to be “content” with your singleness. Striving to be content in order to be ready or “good enough” to find a spouse is not good, I don’t think. First of all it’s a little dishonest, isn’t it? If I’m trying to become “content” so that I can find a romantic partner and get married, well, then, I’m not really content. Secondly what about every person who gets married early in life without really entering singleness – were they content in singleness first? Eh….I’m gonna say no.

You gotta be careful with this line of thinking, where we try to “become content” in order to get The Thing that we want. There’s a few dangers to this sort of idea. Like shutting down, instead of working to improve our lives. Or not paying attention to people with spouse potential in our lives.

We live in a bad world, where bad things happen and life doesn’t always go our way. We don’t have to repress our emotions or pretend that these situations make us happy. Nor do we have to pretend that these desires are unimportant to us. It’s OK to feel and express sadness and loneliness. We’re not going to disappoint God for feeling emotions that we can’t control anyway.

Ideas like this imply that your “season” of singleness will end once we learn to properly exercise contentment. Apparently all the married couples somehow mastered this, and reached some pinnacle of contentment that God approved of and rewarded accordingly. As if we can use a formula and reverse psychology to convince God to give us the thing we want. Sometimes married couples will tell you that their story went like this, that God “blessed” them with a spouse once they stopped “idolizing” marriage, or once they “stopped looking.” Or once they “learned to be content.” Cool story. As if that’s some sort of universal rule. The Bible doesn’t mention this weird idea anywhere.

Also, Paul talked about people who were “discontent” with being single in 1 Corinthians 7. He did say that he wished these people were single (or had the gift he did), but Paul didn’t shame these people or lecture them about being “more content.” He urged those believers to get married. To take action. Not change their emotional state or whatever.
If you want love/marriage/sex badly, well, you can’t make yourself “stop” wanting those things. What a silly idea. You’re not being “worldly” or sinful just by expressing desires for things like these. If Christians were able to repress or ignore these desires, why would any Christian ever marry?

Many Christians are passive about love because of ideas like these. I’m sure many of these people, as a direct result, never find anyone to marry, and get angry with God, or assume that God wants them to be single against their will. It does have its dangers.

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