{"id":3152,"date":"2026-01-14T14:59:28","date_gmt":"2026-01-14T14:59:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/?p=3152"},"modified":"2026-01-14T14:59:30","modified_gmt":"2026-01-14T14:59:30","slug":"what-i-wish-i-knew-about-dating-as-a-christian","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/what-i-wish-i-knew-about-dating-as-a-christian\/","title":{"rendered":"What I Wish I Knew Before Dating as a Christian"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>If there was one thing I wish I could change prior to dating would be my expectations. Unfortunately, my mind had been filled with fantasy stories like Cinderella, so this image of meeting a man and knowing he was &#8220;the one&#8221; instantly had me thinking that&#8217;s how it was supposed to be. During my teen years, my self esteem wasn&#8217;t healthy so I also thought my worth came from a guy liking me versus God&#8217;s view of me. So what do I wish I knew earlier about dating as a Christian?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-tl-dr-the-summary\">TL;DR: The Summary<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Maybe you&#8217;re in the dating pool and your expectations aren&#8217;t being met. Have you ever asked yourself, &#8220;Why didn&#8217;t anyone tell me about this?&#8221; Here are a few things I wish I had known prior to dating as a Christian. Can you relate?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"#h-1-chemistry-confirmation\">Chemistry \u2260 Confirmation<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-2-prayer-isn-t-a-relationship-shortcut\">Prayer Isn\u2019t a Relationship Shortcut<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-3-boundaries-don-t-replace-discipline\">Boundaries Don\u2019t Replace Discipline<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-4-stop-looking-for-a-savior\">Stop Looking for a Savior<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-5-god-isn-t-testing-you\">God Isn\u2019t Testing You<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>Unfortunately, there&#8217;s no chapter and verse in the Bible that says &#8220;Dating 101 for Christian Singles.&#8221; What we can infer is what the Bible says about the company we should keep. From there, Holy Spirit fills in the gaps where there&#8217;s no chapter and verse. It may feel like you&#8217;re walking around in the dark with your hands in front of you, but God is with you and will guide you if you let Him. Let&#8217;s dive in shall we?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"What I Wish I Knew Before Dating as a Christian\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/mw8lXW0FjVM?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-chemistry-confirmation\">1. Chemistry \u2260 Confirmation<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Just because the conversation flows and you both love Maverick City or Elevation Worship doesn&#8217;t mean it\u2019s God-ordained. I used to think feeling right meant being right. But emotional highs and physical attraction can cloud discernment. Chemistry is important, yes. But it should never override character, counsel, or conviction. The enemy can send someone who \u201cfeels\u201d perfect but distracts you from your purpose. If it\u2019s God, peace will follow even after the butterflies fade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You need more than spark\u2014you need spiritual compatibility and shared values that stand strong when life gets real. God doesn\u2019t confirm His will through goosebumps. He confirms it through fruit, alignment, and clarity that doesn\u2019t change when the feelings do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-attraction-is-important\">Attraction is important<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Again, this doesn&#8217;t mean that you can&#8217;t be attracted to the person. It doesn&#8217;t mean you can&#8217;t have fun with them because it&#8217;s all about purpose and doing God&#8217;s Will. While God&#8217;s Will and Glory is the center, you can still enjoy your date and share amazing memories with them. Also filter chemistry through the Holy Spirit.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There&#8217;s nothing wrong with being honest in prayer saying, &#8220;God I like them, but I want your will more than anything.&#8221; Yes, it&#8217;s a risky prayer, and you may even lose the person if they&#8217;re not a right fit. However, you can trust that God is fitting your story together perfectly. You may not have all the answers, but He does. He&#8217;s not leaving you behind and will never abandon you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-chemistry-shouldn-t-be-your-guide\">Chemistry shouldn&#8217;t be your guide<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I wish I had known earlier that chemistry is not a sign of destiny. You can have chemistry with someone who is completely wrong for you. Sometimes you feel drawn to someone simply because they meet an emotional need you didn\u2019t realize was open. You can connect instantly with someone who does not have the capacity, maturity, or spiritual grounding to partner with you long-term. Chemistry can be a beautiful start, but it cannot carry a relationship on its own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you\u2019re dating as a Christian, chemistry should be a <em>bonus<\/em>, not the blueprint. Your discernment can only work when you let God weigh the relationship\u2014not your impulses, not your desire to no longer be single, not your timeline. The more you let God lead, the easier it becomes to tell the difference between emotional excitement and spiritual peace. Excitement can be loud. Peace is steady. One fades. The other stays.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Chemistry may draw you together, but character determines whether you can stay together. That\u2019s something I had to learn through trial and error. And honestly? It saved me from staying in situations where I would have settled out of fear rather than faith.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-prayer-isn-t-a-relationship-shortcut\">2. Prayer Isn\u2019t a Relationship Shortcut<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I used to think that praying automatically made a relationship holy. Spoiler: it doesn\u2019t. Prayer is powerful, but if it\u2019s being used to mask confusion, rush a bond, or avoid uncomfortable conversations, it becomes spiritual fluff. Praying about or with someone you\u2019re dating is sacred\u2014when done with maturity and proper boundaries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead of trying to make prayer the glue, ask what the foundation really is. Can you have hard conversations without hiding behind \u201clet\u2019s pray about it\u201d? Can you pray apart before you pray together? That\u2019ll tell you a lot more about the spiritual health of the relationship than how good you sound quoting Scripture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-over-spiritualizing-dating\">Over-spiritualizing dating<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>This is where a lot of <a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/over-spiritualize-dating\/\">Christians over spiritualize the dating process<\/a>. It&#8217;s dangerous to be in this space because you can think you&#8217;re in God&#8217;s Will but you&#8217;re not. You may say &#8220;I prayed about it,&#8221; but did you wait for God&#8217;s response on the matter? Did you assume and move forward because of your feelings? Don&#8217;t be fooled by how you feel. It can lead to heartbreak and some blame God for something that they clearly did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-my-experience\">My experience<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I remember praying about the last guy I talked to prior to meeting my husband. I could have sworn God confirmed things, but as it turned out, I was more caught up in my feelings. It was a mistake and when things fizzled out between us, I had to repent for getting ahead of God. I didn&#8217;t think I was trying to rush things but I was. I thought because of my age that this man had to be it. If I hadn&#8217;t course-corrected, things would have ended badly and I would have missed out on the amazing man I&#8217;m married to now. Is it worth it? Following your feelings now and missing or delaying God&#8217;s real blessing later? I don&#8217;t think so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-what-does-prayer-do\">What does prayer do?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Prayer is not a shortcut to compatibility. It doesn\u2019t override God\u2019s timing. Prayer doesn\u2019t force clarity. Prayer doesn\u2019t turn the wrong relationship into the right one. We have to stop treating prayer like a stamp of approval and start treating it like the ongoing conversation with God that it is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Prayer should open your eyes\u2014not close them. It should slow you down\u2014not speed you up. It should lead you to wisdom\u2014not wishful thinking. When your desire is strong, even prayer can become filtered through your emotions. That\u2019s why waiting for God\u2019s response matters. Not the response you <em>hope<\/em> He gives. Not the one your loneliness wants Him to give. The <em>real<\/em> one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A relationship rooted in God doesn\u2019t need to be forced through prayer. It will grow because prayer is already part of who both of you are\u2014not something you\u2019re using to convince yourselves that you&#8217;re aligned. God\u2019s presence doesn\u2019t have to be manufactured. He will naturally be in the center when He\u2019s truly leading the connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-boundaries-don-t-replace-discipline\">3. Boundaries Don\u2019t Replace Discipline<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Setting boundaries is necessary. But I wish I knew early on that boundaries are only as strong as your discipline. You can talk about \u201cno sleepovers\u201d all day\u2014but if you\u2019re not <a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/avoid-tempting-situations-while-dating\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">stewarding your time, triggers, and emotions<\/a> with maturity, you\u2019ll fall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Discipline is about decisions before desire shows up. Do you know your weak points? Have you created accountability before the moment? Or are you relying on willpower in the heat of the moment? God doesn\u2019t just call us to set lines\u2014He calls us to walk wisely (Ephesians 5:15). That\u2019s a lifestyle, not just a list of rules.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is why self awareness is super important. If you don&#8217;t know your tendencies, you&#8217;ll walk into situations blindly. That&#8217;s why stewarding your singleness is important. You learn more things about yourself than maybe you realized. That way you can live a life that protects you from the worst version of yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-boundaries-without-discipline\">Boundaries without discipline<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Boundaries without discipline are like locks on a door you never bother to close. You tell yourself you&#8217;re safe because the lock exists\u2014but if you\u2019re constantly leaving the door cracked open, temptation will walk right in. Dating as a Christian requires honesty with yourself. Not just about what you want, but what you struggle with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You cannot set boundaries based on who you <em>hope<\/em> you are. You set boundaries based on who you <em>know<\/em> you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Maybe you think, \u201cI should be strong enough by now.\u201d<br>Or, \u201cWe\u2019re adults, we can handle it.\u201d<br>Or, \u201cIt\u2019s not a big deal, we know our limits.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But boundaries are not about weakness. They\u2019re about wisdom. They\u2019re about acknowledging that emotions escalate, attraction grows, and vulnerability opens doors quickly. Even the strongest Christian can slip if they assume discipline will magically appear in the moment they need it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Discipline is built long before the challenge shows up. It\u2019s built in your habits, your prayer life, your honesty, and the people you allow to hold you accountable. Boundaries make the path clear. Discipline keeps you on it. You deserve a relationship where you\u2019re not constantly fighting guilt, confusion, or spiritual fog. Discipline creates space for clarity. It helps you date with confidence instead of chaos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-4-stop-looking-for-a-savior\">4. Stop Looking for a Savior<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I had to learn the hard way: your future spouse is not your healer, counselor, or comforter. That\u2019s Jesus. A spouse can\u2019t fix your insecurities, fill your emotional void, or complete you. That\u2019s way too much pressure for another human and sets both of you up to fail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You don\u2019t need to be perfect to date, but you do need to be whole. That means you\u2019re secure in Christ, not desperate for someone to validate your worth. If you want someone to do what only God can, you\u2019ll end up disappointed and confused\u2014and probably blaming them for not being enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-my-story\">My story<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>This was a big mistake I made in dating, especially in my teen years. I thought I was worth something only if the guy liked me back. If he didn&#8217;t, something was wrong with me. Or if a guy didn&#8217;t give me his attention, that meant I was dull. If he didn&#8217;t pick me over another girl, I wasn&#8217;t worth anyone else&#8217;s time. All of these were lies. You shouldn&#8217;t believe them either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You are made in God&#8217;s image, so that automatically means that you&#8217;re priceless. He sent His only son to die for you, so you&#8217;re worthy of love. Fulfillment comes from who you are in Christ. Having a spouse, if that&#8217;s what you desire, is simply a bonus in life. It&#8217;s sad that some churches have made marriage an idol and a lot of Christian singles feel incomplete without a ring. Don&#8217;t buy into this lie, no matter how real it may feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-when-people-are-your-savior\">When people are your savior&#8230;<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Dating becomes dangerous when you expect a person to heal a wound God wants to treat. People can&#8217;t fix rejection, abandonment, insecurity, loneliness, or fear. They can support you, encourage you, walk with you, love you\u2014but they cannot complete you. That expectation turns relationships into survival tools rather than partnerships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Looking for someone to save you from your past, save you from being single, save you from feeling invisible\u2014none of those desires lead to healthy love. They lead to dependency, disillusionment, and unnecessary heartbreak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-when-jesus-is-your-savior\">When Jesus is your savior&#8230;<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>You deserve a relationship built on wholeness, not desperation. God never designed dating to replace Him. He designed it to complement what He\u2019s already doing in you. When marriage is elevated above identity, frustration follows. When identity is grounded in Christ, you\u2019re free to enjoy a relationship without idolizing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-5-god-isn-t-testing-you\">5. God Isn\u2019t Testing You<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Some Christians treat singleness like a punishment and dating like a final exam you have to pass. Let me free you: God isn\u2019t dangling a relationship over your head until you\u2019re \u201cgood enough.\u201d This isn\u2019t a test. This is about partnership, timing, and purpose. He delights in giving good gifts. He\u2019s not playing hide-and-seek with your heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yes, there are seasons of waiting. Yes, there are things He\u2019s refining. But His heart is for your good\u2014not just your growth. You don\u2019t have to overanalyze every red flag or assume hardship means \u201cGod\u2019s teaching me a lesson.\u201d Sometimes it\u2019s just not a match. And that\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-learning-from-mistakes\">Learning from mistakes<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>No we can&#8217;t go back in time and undo all the mistakes we&#8217;ve made in dating, but we can learn from them. I know I learned a lot prior to meeting my husband. Guess what? You never stop learning even in marriage so don&#8217;t think that the altar is the finishing line. It&#8217;s simply a new beginning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Will you trust the character and heart of God? Will you believe He&#8217;s with you and wants the best for you? Keep your eyes on Him, even when things feel dark.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You\u2019re not single because you\u2019re flawed. Nor are you waiting because you failed something. You\u2019re not overlooked because God forgot you. Dating isn\u2019t a reward for spiritual performance. It\u2019s simply a relationship between two people\u2014guided by a faithful God who knows exactly what you need and when you need it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you stop treating the journey like a test, you free yourself from pressure and step into peace. God does not grade your worth. He does not measure your value by your relationship status. He does not withhold love as punishment. His timing is not rooted in cruelty\u2014it\u2019s rooted in care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ready to meet some <a href=\"https:\/\/www.be-salt.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">amazing Christian singles<\/a>? Download the <a href=\"https:\/\/onelink.to\/websiteurl\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">SALT app<\/a> today!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If there was one thing I wish I could change prior to dating would be my expectations. Unfortunately, my mind had been filled with fantasy stories like Cinderella, so this image of meeting a man and knowing he was &#8220;the one&#8221; instantly had me thinking that&#8217;s how it was supposed to be. During my teen [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":2506,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[30,7],"class_list":["post-3152","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-singleness-and-dating","tag-all","tag-christian-dating-advice"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.5 (Yoast SEO v27.6) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>What I Wish I Knew Before Dating as a Christian - SALT &amp; Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dating as a Christian is completely different to dating in the world. 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