{"id":3119,"date":"2025-11-17T13:12:10","date_gmt":"2025-11-17T13:12:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/?p=3119"},"modified":"2025-11-17T13:12:11","modified_gmt":"2025-11-17T13:12:11","slug":"comparison-in-christian-dating","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/comparison-in-christian-dating\/","title":{"rendered":"Comparison in Christian Dating: I Feel Behind in Life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>If you find yourself feeling behind in life as a Christian because of being single, this blog post is for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-tl-dr-the-summary\">TL;DR: The Summary<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>They say that \u201c<em>comparison is the thief of joy.\u201d <\/em>There may be some truth in that. Even as Christians, who have our hope and joy <em>in <\/em>Jesus, it doesn\u2019t make us immune to comparison! In the Bible, it distinctly states that the enemy comes to \u201csteal, kill and destroy,\u201d but Jesus\u2019 purpose \u201cis to give them a rich and satisfying life.\u201d (John 10:10 NLT)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It can be hard to see others moving ahead of you in life. This can evoke difficult emotions, feelings of being left behind or even forgotten by God. At times, it may leave you feeling isolated and alone, questioning, \u201cWhy can\u2019t I have what they do?\u201d or \u201cWhy haven\u2019t I got to where I want to be in life and they have?\u201d These are very real and valid questions and comparisons that might come to mind. If you find yourself wrestling with these thoughts, keep reading, and together, we\u2019ll discover 5 ways to find encouragement when you feel yourself slipping into comparison.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"#h-societal-pressures-of-a-timeline-nbsp\">Readjusting social standards<\/a>\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-running-our-race-nbsp\">Running your own race<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-encouragement-rather-than-comparison\">Encouragement rather than comparison<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-waiting-and-trusting-god-s-timing-nbsp\">Waiting and trusting God\u2019s timing<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-finding-community-nbsp\">Finding community<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-9-16 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"By 30! Behind in the Christian Race\" width=\"422\" height=\"750\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/idUGbL7PixE?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-societal-pressures-of-a-timeline-nbsp\">Societal pressures of a timeline&nbsp;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Societal standards have changed over time and are ever evolving, yet there seems to be an unwritten timeline that we feel pressure to adhere to: get married by a certain age, buy a house, then comes children, earn a job promotion. A checklist, if you will, to prove that we are \u2018on track\u2019 and progressing in life. But what happens if things haven\u2019t gone to plan, or are simply not what you want in life or your idea of happiness?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is where we can reframe or readjust the societal pressure that we may feel.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>These unspoken societal rules, along with our own internal timelines, can often influence how we see ourselves and those around us. There\u2019s a quiet narrative, either externally or internally, that says, \u201cif\u00a0we haven\u2019t reached X milestone by a certain time or age, that we are behind, feel less than, or haven\u2019t\u00a0 measured up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-re-adjusting-our-timelines\">Re-adjusting our timelines<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s when comparison creeps in and begins to take over. With thoughts such as \u201cI\u2019m not where I <em>should <\/em>be by this age\u201d, \u201cI <em>should<\/em> have achieved more by now.\u201d And especially for Christian singles, \u201cI <em>should<\/em> be married by now.\u201d However, despite what we think society tells us, there\u2019s no one <em>right<\/em> way to do life that\u2019s set in stone! Just because your friends, others your age or even those younger than you have got married, it doesn\u2019t make you late! Remember- <strong>their timeline doesn\u2019t diminish your own!<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-when-i-m-married\">When I&#8217;m married&#8230;<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>There\u2019s this idea that marriage somehow completes you or makes you more successful. There\u2019s also the assumption that everyone <em>should <\/em>want to get married and have children. Then, there\u2019s judgement towards those who are single, divorced, or who don&#8217;t want to settle down and have kids. Whichever direction you take in life, society sometimes can hold it against you and always pushes you towards the next thing! A quote by Tim Keller sums up how even good things can become idols, &#8220;Idolatry is not doing bad things. Idolatry is taking good things and making them ultimate things.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Marriage, children, a career or a home, these are all beautiful things to be cherished, not prizes to be won!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are so many factors that determine these decisions, emotional readiness, financial stability, finding the <em>right <\/em>person, not just settling because you feel like you <em>should<\/em>! By rewriting the narrative and having more open conversations, we can begin to ease the burden of comparison. And as society continues to evolve, non-linear timelines and waiting on God\u2019s timing may gradually become more accepted.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-defining-your-worth\">Defining your worth<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Whatever phase of life you\u2019re in, you are still worthy of a full, meaningful and abundant life! Because your worth isn\u2019t defined by milestones or a timeline but by who you are!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The best news of all is that <strong>God doesn\u2019t operate on society\u2019s agenda!&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Each of us has our own unique path in life, and this is where we \u201ckeep our eyes fixed on Jesus and run our race with endurance which God has set before us.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-running-our-race-nbsp\">Running our race&nbsp;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This passage in Hebrews 12:1-3 is a perfect example of the Lord instructing us to, quite literally, \u2018stay in our own lane!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this race that\u2019s called <em>life<\/em>, it can be so hard to see others sprinting past you, moving forward when your life feels at a standstill. It\u2019s hard not to fall into the comparison trap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a single Christian, marriage can often feel like the ultimate goal or something you aspire to attain. We may feel inferior in this area of life but in others, we might be thriving! These could include obtaining a degree, building a business, excelling in your career, buying and renovating a home, or having cherished friendships and community. There are many different types of love, not just romantic!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-good-stewards\">Good Stewards<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Life for others might not always be as it appears. On the surface, they could be putting on a brave face, whilst hiding what really happens in their personal life. For instance, they could be struggling with an illness, grieving behind closed doors. Watching the world pass them by, feeling forgotten, left behind and as if they\u2019re fading into obscurity. Life is unpredictable and we never know what tomorrow will bring!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s why we should steward what we already have! God has given you your life and specific gifts for a reason and a purpose! I saw a great quote on Instagram that read, \u201cA promise waited for prepares you for stewarding the promise.\u201d The Lord has entrusted you with a journey that\u2019s uniquely yours! We can trust that he has your best interests at heart.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Recently, in a talk by Mia Fieldes, she said, \u201cGod, give me what they have\u2026\u201d and God says, \u201cNo, I will give you what I have for <em>you<\/em>!\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-unique-position\">Unique Position<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Don\u2019t wait around for your life to be perfect or for a special someone to come along before you start living your dreams! Put a list together of your goals. These could include: places and countries you would like to visit, new hobbies or activities you\u2019d like to try, fitness or financial goals, new foods you\u2019d like to discover. Don\u2019t limit yourself due to your relationship status. Your life is meant to be lived in every season, not just waiting for your life to start once you\u2019ve reached a certain point!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Life may not always happen in the way that you hoped for or expected but it could be even more than you imagined!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are many different chapters that we walk through, and even though the seasons of our lives change, God remains unchanging.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Life is a journey of learning, growing and becoming. Continue to run your race at your own pace, keeping in step with Jesus. Remember to extend love, compassion and grace to yourself, as well as to others.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-encouragement-rather-than-comparison\">Encouragement rather than comparison<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In this day and age when we have infinite access online 24\/7 and social media is at the forefront of our lives. Comparison hits even harder! The perfected images, filters and beauty standards, not to mention people\u2019s \u2018highlight reels\u2019 thrown into the mix. You might start viewing your life from a place of lack rather than abundance and gratitude.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Little lies from the enemy creep in. You feel as though you\u2019re not <em>enough<\/em>, pretty <em>enough<\/em>, wealthy <em>enough<\/em>, the deceptions can be endless! Cue \u2018You Say\u2019 by the amazing Christian artist Lauren Daigle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>No matter what stage of life you&#8217;re in, there seems to be key themes that are interwoven with comparison. These are self doubt and insecurities that you may feel about yourself. Whether these are felt internally or have been projected upon you, the same topics arise time and time again. I\u2019ve noticed this when having conversations, either in person or online; or listening to podcasts. My conclusion is, even A-list actors feel this way! It seems there\u2019s no escaping these feelings when it comes to comparison.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-remedy-for-comparison\">The remedy for comparison<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>However, one way to combat these thoughts is through encouragement and celebration of others; especially your friends who you hold so near and dear. When you look at life through a lens of encouragement and praise, comparison can be alleviated ever so slightly. It can be softened a little around the edges, just enough to be able to celebrate and uplift them instead.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At first, this might feel foreign or go against your natural inclination of emotions but if you get in the habit of it, it can become more of a reflex rather than a reaction! For instance, if your friend gets engaged, comment on their Instagram post, send them a happy text message or a congratulations card. The more you flex your muscles of encouragement, the easier it is to feel happy for your friends, peers and family. I\u2019m not saying the sting of comparison, heartache or disappointment will go away completely but somehow it helps you feel lighter!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-building-hope\">Building hope<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Another way to look at it is building <em>hope <\/em>for your life. If God has done it for them, then why can\u2019t he do the same someday for you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It may take slightly longer or be different from what we expect! That\u2019s where we can \u201cTrust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(\u202d\u202dProverbs\u202c \u202d3\u202c:\u202d5\u202c-\u202d6\u202c \u202dNLT\u202c\u202c)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-waiting-and-trusting-god-s-timing-nbsp\">Waiting and trusting God\u2019s timing&nbsp;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/how-can-i-trust-gods-timing-for-my-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Waiting and trusting the Lord<\/a> can come with a variety of emotions: disappointment, sadness, fear, frustration, discouragement and sometimes, even anger. It\u2019s ok to feel these feelings, have a good cry and express them to God. Nothing is too big for God to handle!\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are several ways that I\u2019ve found helpful to process these emotions, such as journalling out my feelings, listening to worship music whilst sharing my innermost thoughts with God. Crying out loud when words are nowhere to be found. Confiding in close friends and family members and having them pray with me and offer words of encouragement. These don\u2019t always take the hard emotions away but when we acknowledge how we are feeling, it lessens the power it holds over us.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-our-expectations-versus-god-s-best-for-us\">Our expectations versus God\u2019s best for us\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>We may expect our story to look a certain way or happen in a particular timeframe but God\u2019s ways are higher than ours. What we see as a detour or a delay may just be the correct path or even protection from God. Don\u2019t limit God\u2019s plans or be restricted by our preferences. Sometimes, we may miss what\u2019s already in front of us.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-be-in-the-season-god-has-for-you-nbsp\">Be in the season God has for you!&nbsp;<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>My anthem for this year has been, \u201cBe where your feet are\u201d by Christy Nockels. It\u2019s a gentle and grounding song that is a great reminder to live in the now because you could well be living in a season experiencing blessings that you once prayed for! It\u2019s a prompt to embrace, cherish and be grateful for where you are; whilst still holding onto the hope for what\u2019s to come!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When we learn to wait on God\u2019s timing, we are exercising and building our patience within ourselves, for others and with God. In a world where there is instant gratification with a click of a button for likes, shopping, messages\u2026 the list goes on. Good things usually take time, energy, perseverance and dedication. Most of the time, in a season of waiting, God is cultivating aspects within us that help prepare us for what he has in store. God usually works for us before he can work through us!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you find yourself especially in a season of singleness, God may be preparing, pruning and healing your heart before you are ready to meet someone. He may bring you opportunities to learn, grow and serve others. This is where we can lean towards finding community, to help us feel supported and valued with likeminded individuals and within the wider church too.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-finding-community-nbsp\">Finding community&nbsp;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Finding others in a similar life stage as you can help reinforce that you\u2019re not alone. These opportunities can be found in person or online. SALT\u2019s online and in app <a href=\"https:\/\/table.be-salt.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">TABLE rooms<\/a> are a great example of this! <a href=\"https:\/\/www.be-salt.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Christians joining together <\/a>from across the globe share in discussions covering various topics. From singleness to marriage, friendship to finding love after divorce. It\u2019s a great way to interact and <a href=\"https:\/\/onelink.to\/websiteurl\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">connect with other Christians<\/a>, whilst having heartfelt conversations and often a good laugh too.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Other online options include Christian singles groups on social media via Facebook or Instagram. Some of these may offer online Bible studies or in person meet ups or retreats through their platform too.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-try-irl\">Try IRL<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Locally, there might be an option to join a small group at your church. They usually include different groups for varying life stages eg. students and kids ministries, women\u2019s and men\u2019s groups, Christian singles, married couples, another for those who have kids and sometimes, a group for those struggling with infertility &#8211; praying that you\u2019re able to find somewhere that you feel you belong and can contribute.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Other great options can be meet up groups that focus on a specific hobby, such as a running group or a book club. When we pour some of our energy into things that we enjoy or ways that we can further the kingdom, it helps us to focus our minds on the good in this world, rather than on what we lack.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-let-s-conclude\">Let&#8217;s Conclude<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>As we come to a close, if you find yourself in a season or a time in your life where you\u2019re feeling behind; where your heart yearns for something that you don\u2019t yet have. Know that God loves you more than you know- \u201cmay you have the power to understand, as all God\u2019s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.\u201d \u202d\u202d(Ephesians\u202c \u202d3\u202c:\u202d18\u202c-\u202d19\u202c \u202dNLT\u202c\u202c)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Please know that you\u2019re not alone in your season of waiting, even if you\u2019re at your lowest point. Somewhere around the world, someone is experiencing similar circumstances to your own.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Most of all, can you take a moment to reflect on where you are right now, compared to where you used to be? (That\u2019s right, this time we\u2019re using comparison as a growth tool) You know what? Maybe you\u2019re in a place that your younger self could only dream of! And yourself 5 or 10 years ago would be so proud of the person that you are today and who you continue to become! Even if it means taking one day at a time or holding on for one more day. Keep going, you\u2019ve got this!&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you find yourself feeling behind in life as a Christian because of being single, this blog post is for you. TL;DR: The Summary They say that \u201ccomparison is the thief of joy.\u201d There may be some truth in that. Even as Christians, who have our hope and joy in Jesus, it doesn\u2019t make us [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":2527,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[30,8],"class_list":["post-3119","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-community","tag-all","tag-singleness"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.2 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Comparison in Christian Dating: I Feel Behind in Life - SALT &amp; Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Comparison is hard to avoid but it really is the thief of joy when you&#039;re comparing your singleness in a way that says you&#039;re worth less.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/comparison-in-christian-dating\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Comparison in Christian Dating: I Feel Behind in Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Comparison is hard to avoid but it really is the thief of joy when you&#039;re comparing your singleness in a way that says you&#039;re worth less.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/comparison-in-christian-dating\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"SALT &amp; 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