This blog post will answer the questions of Christians who have had sex before marriage. Questions like, ‘If I’ve had sex before marriage will a Christian partner want me?’ and ‘If I’ve had sex before marriage can I still have a kingdom marriage?’<\/p>\n\n\n\n
God has fully equipped you to live a life of purity, even if you\u2019ve been sexually active in the past. Here are five things you can do right now to honor God\u2014even if you\u2019ve had sex before marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This isn\u2019t about having a bulletproof method where you never mess up again. It\u2019s about choosing to live in a way that protects you from becoming the worst version of yourself. The Bible tells us that if we truly love God, we will keep His commandments. First John clearly states that if we walk in the light, as God is in the light, then we truly belong to Him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shame whispers, \u201cIt\u2019s too late,\u201d but God\u2019s mercy speaks louder\u2014offering you a brand-new start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While it is best to wait until marriage to have sex<\/a>, many Christian singles have already been sexually active beforehand. In some cases, this is through no fault of their own. Some were abused\u2014whether as children or adults\u2014and were introduced to something God designed to be experienced through love, not pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n On the other hand, some Christian singles’ natural urges and desires have led to sex before marriage? Does that disqualify you from having a Kingdom marriage simply because you stepped out of bounds?<\/p>\n\n\n\n In this blog, we\u2019re going to focus on that second group\u2014Christian singles who believe it\u2019s acceptable to have premarital sex because waiting feels impossible or Christian singles who made a mistake and stepped over the line.<\/p>\n\n\n\n First, we need to revisit why God created sex in the first place. When God made Eve and brought her to Adam, Scripture tells us, \u201cA man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.\u201d Another command God gave His creation was to \u201cbe fruitful and multiply.\u201d Sex was created not only for procreation, but also for connection and pleasure between spouses. The Song of Solomon is a clear example of this\u2014showcasing the passion between a husband and wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s a misconception that God doesn\u2019t want Christians to enjoy sex. But the truth is\u2014God absolutely does. He designed sex<\/a> to be pleasurable. The problem arises when it\u2019s shared outside of the covenant of marriage. We see the consequences of multiple sexual partners: unplanned pregnancies, STDs, and soul ties that were never meant to form. God\u2019s command for one man and one woman in covenant marriage is a reflection of Christ\u2019s relationship with His bride\u2014the Church. Jesus is fully faithful to His bride, and spouses are called to that same faithfulness with each other. Now that we understand God\u2019s heart behind sex, what if you\u2019ve already had sex before marriage?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember: God\u2019s grace is sufficient for you. You can choose today to live a life of purity. Purity isn\u2019t limited to abstaining from sex\u2014it begins in the mind. Jesus said, \u201cIf a man looks at a woman to lust after her, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Many men and women wrestle with lust, not realizing it starts in the mind and eventually shows up in actions\u2014unless it\u2019s brought under submission through the power of the Holy Spirit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n No matter what you\u2019ve done sexually in the past, you are forgiven and completely washed clean by the blood of Jesus. Don\u2019t let the enemy convince you otherwise with lies like, \u201cYou\u2019ve already had sex, so you might as well keep doing it\u2014you know you can\u2019t control yourself, and God\u2019s not going to forgive you anyway.\u201d These are lies from hell. Don\u2019t believe them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you confess your sins to Jesus, He is faithful and just to forgive you and to cleanse you. You are made brand new\u2014so much so that, because of the blood of Jesus, He looks at you as if you\u2019ve never sinned at all. Walk in that victory, knowing you are redeemed by the power of the Holy Spirit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve heard many Christian singles say that when they had sex, \u201cit just happened.\u201d It\u2019s true that in the moment\u2014if you\u2019re not careful\u2014your brain can shut off and your focus shifts solely to what you\u2019re feeling. There\u2019s no denying that sex feels good, but we must remember: it was never meant to be shared with a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a \u201cfriend with benefits,\u201d or someone you just met at a lounge. That level of intimacy was designed for marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some Christian singles argue, \u201cHow do I know if I\u2019m sexually compatible with someone unless I have sex with them first?\u201d This is a distorted belief that the enemy wants us to accept\u2014that you need to \u201ctry it out\u201d before making a lifelong commitment. Let\u2019s be clear: sex, like any other skill, can be learned. You and your spouse have your whole lives to grow, explore, and discover what you enjoy together. If you both wait until marriage, there\u2019s beauty in learning together. Sex was never meant to be a comparison game between your spouse and your past partners. That only creates insecurity, making your spouse wonder if they\u2019re enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A great example of the flaw in the \u201ctry it out\u201d mindset came from a podcast interview I once heard. I can\u2019t recall the speaker\u2019s name, but he made a powerful point: comparing sex to test-driving a car implies that you plan to trade in your spouse for something better\u2014just like people replace cars every five to seven years. So when someone says, \u201cI want to try it out,\u201d what they\u2019re really saying is, \u201cI don\u2019t plan to keep you long-term.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019ve already crossed the line, the best thing you can do is repent. When David was confronted by the prophet Nathan after his adultery with Bathsheba, he repented. God already knows what you\u2019ve done. Yes, He may be disappointed, but He is always willing to forgive if you sincerely ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Repent with a sincere heart\u2014but don\u2019t relive your mistake. Don\u2019t let condemnation convince you that you\u2019re worthless, damaged, or unworthy of a godly marriage. One of my favorite songs by Matthew West says, \u201cGrace wins every time.\u201d<\/em> That said, grace should never be abused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some singles think, \u201cWell, I\u2019ve already done it. God understands I have needs.\u201d But that\u2019s not repentance\u2014that\u2019s rationalizing. Allow God\u2019s grace to lead you back to Him with a sincere heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s go back to the phrase, \u201cit just happened.\u201d If Christian singles are truly honest with themselves, the sex between them and the other person didn\u2019t \u201cjust happen.\u201d We\u2019ll dig deeper into this in the next point, but it\u2019s important to acknowledge that many situations could have been avoided by not placing yourself in a tempting environment in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If someone invites you over for \u201cNetflix and chill,\u201d you don\u2019t need to be alone with them in their apartment or house. Some might argue, \u201cWell, I\u2019m an adult, and I don\u2019t need accountability.\u201d But the truth is, yes\u2014you do. Accountability is vital for Christians, especially when it comes to purity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Be honest with yourself. Self-awareness matters. Know what arouses or triggers you. This doesn\u2019t mean you need to be legalistic, but it does mean you should be mindful of your boundaries<\/a>. If kissing leads to making out, which leads to more, then it may be wise to communicate early in the relationship: \u201cI don\u2019t want to kiss too soon.\u201d Some might say that\u2019s extreme or unnecessary, but if it stirs something in you, it\u2019s better to avoid it. For others, the boundary might not be kissing\u2014it could be avoiding secluded places, like being alone in a car or someone\u2019s apartment. Yes, you\u2019re an adult, but maturity means knowing your limits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This also includes paying attention to when and how long you talk to the person you\u2019re dating. When my husband and I first started talking, we didn\u2019t speak after 10:00 PM his time. He lived in New York, and I lived in Texas, so I knew our conversations would end at 9:00 PM my time, even if we weren\u2019t finished. He set that boundary intentionally. In a previous relationship, late-night talks led to inappropriate conversations, and he didn\u2019t want to repeat that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In our case, he eventually realized that I wasn\u2019t going to bring up anything inappropriate, regardless of the time. One night we ended up talking past our usual cut-off, and he said, \u201cWow, our conversation is still going well.\u201d From there, we both agreed that the time limit wasn\u2019t a necessary boundary for us anymore. The point is\u2014he was self-aware and set boundaries to protect both of us from going too far.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Be transparent with God if you\u2019ve made the mistake of having sex before marriage. But know this: confession is not condemnation. It\u2019s actually the doorway to freedom. Saying it out loud means you\u2019re acknowledging it. You\u2019re owning it. And you\u2019re making room for God to bring healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As I mentioned earlier, if you\u2019ve made the mistake of having sex before marriage, it\u2019s important to redraw your boundaries. For example, if you were once comfortable going over to someone\u2019s house alone\u2014knowing it often led to sexual situations\u2014your new boundary might be, \u201cI don\u2019t go to the homes of the opposite sex alone.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I remember when my now-husband and I were engaged. A few days before the wedding, I went to see him at the bed and breakfast where he was staying before his family arrived in Houston. I drove there\u2014but I didn\u2019t go inside. Some might have said, \u201cYou\u2019re engaged, so what\u2019s the harm in being alone together in the house?\u201d But we wanted to stand at the altar with clean consciences. I waited for him outside, and then we went on our date\u2014shopping at the mall and catching a movie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some Christian singles believe that boundaries take the fun out of dating. But you can absolutely enjoy your time together without crossing the line. You don\u2019t need to be alone inside someone\u2019s home to have a good time. Go to an arcade, go bowling, play miniature golf\u2014there are so many ways to date that don\u2019t involve isolation. Waiting for sex isn\u2019t a punishment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I love the quote by the late Dr. Myles Munroe: \u201cThe reason why God wants you to wait is because He wants to preserve your memories.\u201d<\/em> Many who\u2019ve had sex outside of marriage can relate\u2014those memories often stay with you, even as you try to move forward and live a life of purity. You have the opportunity to start fresh and honor God with your body. When I realized that God wanted glory in every<\/em> area of my life\u2014including my body and sex life\u2014it changed everything. It made me want to wait even more. Shifting your focus to glorifying God over satisfying your own desires doesn\u2019t necessarily make it easier, but it does help you keep your eyes on Him and not your flesh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n God sees your obedience. He notices the sacrifice it takes to deny your flesh and follow Him. You\u2019re not missing out by honoring God\u2014you\u2019re actually setting yourself up for the best sex life imaginable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve mentioned this before, but it\u2019s worth repeating: accountability is essential. I remember a story Pastor Jerry Flowers shared during one of his sermons about his struggle with lust before meeting his wife. In his case, he battled not only lust but also pornography. However, after a genuine encounter with Jesus, he chose to place boundaries around himself, including seeking accountability from fellow brothers in Christ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of staying in his apartment struggling alone, he would call a few Christian brothers and go play basketball. He also began hosting Bible studies for young men, teaching them God\u2019s Word. That, too, kept him accountable\u2014because now these young men were looking up to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Surround yourself with people who love God and love you enough to hold you accountable without shame. These are the ones who will speak the truth in love, even when it\u2019s hard to hear. They\u2019re willing to risk your frustration because they care more about you honoring God than about staying in your good graces.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s vital for single Christians to have a godly community<\/a>, especially when temptations feel overwhelming. In those moments, you need someone you can reach out to\u2014someone who will remind you of your worth in Christ and help you get back on track.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yes, sex might feel good in the moment, but too many Christian singles have faced the guilt afterward, asking themselves, \u201cWhat have I just done?\u201d You don\u2019t need a large group of friends. Two or three people who love Jesus as much as you do\u2014or even more\u2014are more than enough to walk with you in the pursuit of purity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As I mentioned earlier, many Christian singles believe that having a sexual past disqualifies them from having a Kingdom marriage. I once heard a woman in her late 30s say, \u201cMaybe I\u2019ve messed up too much in the past, and now I\u2019m paying for it because I\u2019m still single.\u201d That\u2019s another lie straight from the enemy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019ve truly confessed with your mouth and asked Jesus to forgive you, He is not holding your past against you. We\u2019re the ones who allow ourselves\u2014and the enemy\u2014to bring in condemnation. But in Christ, you are free. He has washed you clean, and He doesn\u2019t bring up your past sins. If you\u2019re feeling constantly accused, I guarantee you\u2014it\u2019s not the Lord. It\u2019s either your own inner guilt or the enemy\u2019s voice. No-one needs a flawless past to walk in your purpose. You just need a willing, surrendered heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s not forget the story of David. Yes, he committed adultery with Bathsheba and lost his son, but the Lord still blessed him with another son, Solomon. Though Solomon strayed from the Lord in his later years, he\u2019s still known as the wisest man who ever lived. He built the Lord\u2019s temple and witnessed His presence fill it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then there\u2019s Abraham. He slept with his wife\u2019s maidservant, Hagar, after Sarah decided to take matters into her own hands when God\u2019s promise seemed delayed. Still, God was faithful. He blessed them with their promised son, Isaac.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And let\u2019s not forget Rahab, the prostitute. She had a known sexual past, yet she\u2019s listed in the lineage of Jesus. She married an Israelite named Salmon and became the mother of Boaz. We all know the story of Ruth and Boaz\u2014but none of that would\u2019ve happened if Rahab hadn\u2019t been part of God\u2019s plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I could go on with more examples of people God chose to work through despite their past mistakes\u2014sexual or otherwise. The Bible says that in Christ, we are new creations. That means we have a brand-new life, and our past is no longer held against us. No matter what you\u2019ve done, you can be made new in Jesus\u2019 name\u2014today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you’re looking to meet Christians who have the same boundaries as you<\/a>?Download SALT Christian dating app<\/a> today!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This blog post will answer the questions of Christians who have had sex before marriage. Questions like, ‘If I’ve had sex before marriage will a Christian partner want me?’ and ‘If I’ve had sex before marriage can I still have a kingdom marriage?’ TL;DR: The Summary God has fully equipped you to live a life […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":2473,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[30,27],"class_list":["post-3072","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sex","tag-all","tag-sexuality"],"yoast_head":"\nGod design for sex<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Born-Again Virginity<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Repent, not Relive\u00a0<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
‘Try before you buy’<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Repentance<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Get Honest with Yourself and God<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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Know your boundaries<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Boundaries for each relationship<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Redraw your Boundaries, Realign your Heart\u00a0<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Why boundaries are good<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Surround Yourself with Truth-Tellers<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Strength in community<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Start Fresh, not Perfect<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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You are not disqualified<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Starting Afresh<\/h3>\n\n\n\n