{"id":3015,"date":"2025-08-20T10:30:52","date_gmt":"2025-08-20T10:30:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/?p=3015"},"modified":"2025-08-20T10:50:12","modified_gmt":"2025-08-20T10:50:12","slug":"gender-roles-in-christian-dating","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/gender-roles-in-christian-dating\/","title":{"rendered":"Gender Roles in Christian Dating: Too Much Pressure?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This blog post differentiates gender roles in Christian dating that have come from the Bible versus those that have come from culture that only add to the pressure of Christian dating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Pressures of Christian Dating\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/WJYYH4DQUpo?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-tl-dr-the-summary\">TL;DR: The Summary<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">How can Christian singles date in today\u2019s world without the pressure of rigid gender roles? How can we honor God in our relationships while also being true to who we are? Let\u2019s take a moment to break down a few of the most common misconceptions in Christian dating that can lead to unnecessary pressure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"#h-he-should-always-pursue\">He should always pursue<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-she-must-submit-early\">She must submit early<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-she-can-t-show-interest\">She can\u2019t show interest<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-he-has-to-provide-everything\">He has to provide everything<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-only-one-way-to-be-godly\">One way to be Godly<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s unfortunate that culture and tradition have crept into the church and are now being mistaken for biblical truth. What we truly need is to know God\u2019s Word for ourselves so we\u2019re not deceived into believing that cultural or traditional expectations are the same as God\u2019s will for our lives. As you read through these points, take them to your own prayer time, so you can discern where God is leading you in your dating life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-intro\">Intro<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You want to date God\u2019s way, but you feel boxed in by rules He never gave. There\u2019s a lot of confusion surrounding Christian dating today\u2014mainly because many Christian singles feel pressured to fit into roles defined by either culture or the church. With all this confusion, most singles don\u2019t know what to do. And because they don\u2019t know what to do, many end up doing nothing at all\u2014then wonder why they\u2019re still single.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My husband and I recently saw a social media post claiming it\u2019s unbiblical for a woman to work if she wants to be a wife. Some believe that being a \u201ctraditional wife\u201d means staying home, keeping the house, and raising the children. But where in the Bible does it say a woman can\u2019t work? We often talk about the Proverbs 31 woman in Christian circles, but we overlook the fact that she was a savvy businesswoman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Men also feel the pressure to be \u201cproviders,\u201d often working themselves into the ground to make more money in hopes that a woman will see them as valuable. In recent years, I\u2019ve heard more talk about women wanting a \u201chigh value man\u201d\u2014usually defined as someone earning at least six figures. By that logic, a man making $50,000 a year isn\u2019t considered \u201chigh value.\u201d Again, where does this idea come from? Because it\u2019s certainly not from the Bible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-he-should-always-pursue\">He should always pursue\u00a0<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You often hear the phrase, \u201cHe should always pursue,\u201d when it comes to dating. The man is seen as the \u201chunter,\u201d while the woman is expected to wait passively for him to chase her. This is an extreme approach to dating because it puts all the pressure on the man to make things happen, while the woman is expected to \u201cplay hard to get.\u201d If she shows any interest, she\u2019s often seen as being too forward or even aggressive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But there\u2019s nothing wrong with a woman showing interest in a man she\u2019s attracted to. That doesn\u2019t mean she\u2019s chasing him or trying to force a relationship. She\u2019s simply giving him a green light, letting him know it\u2019s okay to pursue her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-biblical-example\">Biblical example<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We often reference Ruth and Boaz, but we should take a closer look at what Scripture actually says. In the book of Ruth, Naomi told Ruth to prepare herself and let Boaz know she wanted him to be her kinsman-redeemer. When Boaz found Ruth lying at his feet and heard her request, he took the lead from there and arranged for them to be married. Did Ruth force him? No. She followed Naomi\u2019s guidance and clearly communicated her interest. Boaz responded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One major reason many Christian men aren\u2019t pursuing women in the church is because the signals aren\u2019t clear. Many women have been told to \u201cplay hard to get\u201d or to avoid being too obvious, for fear of seeming desperate. Again, this doesn\u2019t mean a woman has to force anything\u2014but there\u2019s nothing wrong with starting a conversation to get a sense of where things stand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-my-story\">My story<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When I met my husband, I didn\u2019t chase him, but I did take the initiative to start a conversation. He had posted something in a Christian singles group that really encouraged me, so I sent him a private message to say, \u201cThanks so much\u2014what you shared really blessed me.\u201d He replied the next day, and we started chatting back and forth on social media. Later, he invited me to a Zoom call. I agreed because I felt comfortable with our conversations. Eventually, he asked for my phone number, and things progressed from there. A year and four months later, we were married.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As you can see, a woman can give a man the green light. I once heard a quote that said, \u201cThere\u2019s nothing wrong with a man being the hunter, but it\u2019s okay for a woman to snap a few twigs so he can actually find her.\u201d There\u2019s no harm in being friendly and showing that you might be open to getting to know someone. Use discernment as you gather information about him, but don\u2019t be afraid to say something like, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t mind going out with you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Gender Roles in Christian Dating\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Qe99sFeOVbk?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-she-must-submit-early\">She must submit early<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<ol start=\"2\" class=\"wp-block-list\"><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cSubmission\u201d is a biblical term the Christian world often highlights\u2014especially when it comes to women. But what\u2019s often left out is that Scripture calls <em>both<\/em> the husband and the wife to <a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/biblical-submission-in-marriage\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">submit to one another<\/a>. The husband is not greater than his wife, and the wife is not greater than her husband. They are equal in the eyes of God. However, when it comes to roles, God holds the man responsible for leading his household.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Does this mean the woman\u2019s role is less important? Not at all. Her role is simply different\u2014but just as vital.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-marriage-vs-dating\">Marriage vs. dating<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Submission is meant for marriage, not dating. The idea that a woman should submit to her boyfriend is not biblical. This doesn\u2019t mean she shouldn\u2019t show honor or respect to the man she\u2019s dating, but she is under no obligation to submit to him\u2014because he is not her husband. Once again, we see a widespread misunderstanding of Scripture when it comes to submission. The only voice a single woman should be submitted to is the Holy Spirit. He is the one who guides, corrects, and leads her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In dating, a woman is simply gathering information about her potential partner to determine whether he could be a good husband. This doesn\u2019t guarantee he will become her husband\u2014it just means she is dating with intentionality, asking herself, \u201cDo I see myself with this man long-term?\u201d Christian single women should never feel pressured to submit to a man who has not committed to them in marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-understanding-submission\">Understanding submission<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This doesn\u2019t mean she shouldn\u2019t be respectful to authority figures like a pastor or boss. That\u2019s a separate matter that still requires honor\u2014but it\u2019s not the same as marital submission.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In marriage, a husband is responsible for his wife and family. So if a man has not taken responsibility for you as your husband, you are not obligated to submit to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sadly, we live in a world where dating couples often behave like married couples. They engage in all the benefits of marriage without making the covenant before God. But if you are not willing to make the covenant, you should not be engaging in covenant behaviors. God does not honor it, and He is not pleased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-she-can-t-show-interest\">She can\u2019t show interest<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<ol start=\"3\" class=\"wp-block-list\"><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I hinted at this earlier, but in some parts of the world, if a woman shows interest in a man, she\u2019s seen as being \u201ctoo forward.\u201d I grew up in the South in the United States, where the term used was, \u201cShe\u2019s being fast.\u201d That phrase implied a woman was promiscuous or inappropriate around men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s an extreme and limiting concept, and unfortunately, many women have held back from expressing interest in someone they genuinely care about because they don\u2019t want to be misunderstood. I see it all the time in Christian singles groups\u2014women asking, \u201cHow can I show him I like him without being too obvious?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-fear-of-rejection\">Fear of rejection<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They\u2019re not just worried about being seen as forward\u2014they\u2019re <a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/how-do-i-handle-rejection-in-dating\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">afraid of rejection<\/a>. What if he doesn\u2019t like them back? It\u2019s a fear many women carry, but the truth is: in life, there will always be risk\u2014including in dating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Before I met my husband, I was interested in a man who I believed was godly and full of integrity. I decided to show my interest. He was polite and honest and told me he was already seeing someone else. Was I disappointed? Of course. I truly liked him and thought we could\u2019ve had something special. But I thanked him for his honesty and congratulated him on his relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A few months later, I met my husband\u2014and now, I can\u2019t imagine my life without the man I believe God custom-designed just for me. Ladies, if you\u2019re interested in someone, let him know. That doesn\u2019t make you desperate, and it\u2019s not aggressive\u2014despite what Christian culture may suggest. A husband isn\u2019t going to fall into your lap. You have to be proactive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You can still be feminine without being the aggressor. But you <em>can<\/em> give a man a clear green light\u2014something as simple as letting him know you\u2019d say yes if he asked you out. Give him the signal. See what happens. Trust God with the results\u2014and focus only on doing your part.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/lauren-hemmert-jensen-dupe-8-768x1024.jpg\" alt=\"girl at window\" class=\"wp-image-2487\" srcset=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/lauren-hemmert-jensen-dupe-8-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/lauren-hemmert-jensen-dupe-8-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/lauren-hemmert-jensen-dupe-8-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/lauren-hemmert-jensen-dupe-8-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/lauren-hemmert-jensen-dupe-8-9x12.jpg 9w, https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/lauren-hemmert-jensen-dupe-8-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-he-has-to-provide-everything\">He has to provide everything<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<ol start=\"4\" class=\"wp-block-list\"><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Another common misconception in Christian dating is that the man must always pay for everything. While some women do prefer that, there\u2019s nothing wrong with a woman covering her own bill on a date. As the relationship progresses into something more serious, there\u2019s also nothing wrong with offering to pay or splitting the bill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Some women worry that if a man pays for everything, he may subconsciously expect something in return\u2014especially sex. Others choose to pay for themselves because they want to be seen as independent and self-sufficient. But where do these beliefs really come from?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There\u2019s no black-and-white Bible verse that says, \u201cA man must pay for every date.\u201d It ultimately comes down to personal preference and mutual understanding. If you\u2019re on a date and he offers to pay\u2014and it feels genuine\u2014let him. Perhaps you prefer to pay for your share, do that. If you\u2019d rather ask ahead of time to clarify expectations, go for it. You\u2019ll get a good sense of his character based on how he responds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-chivalry-is-not-dead\">Chivalry is not dead<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Many men don\u2019t mind paying because they see it as a gesture of chivalry. It\u2019s their way of showing they can provide and care for you as the relationship develops. But if you\u2019d rather handle your portion, that\u2019s perfectly okay too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There are also Christian single men who may not mind you paying for yourself\u2014especially if they\u2019re experiencing a financial slump. Sadly, some women take this as a sign of irresponsibility, but that\u2019s not always the case. He might only have enough to cover himself, yet still ask you out to express his interest. Again, honest communication can clear up a lot of confusion. A <a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/protector-and-provider-in-a-modern-biblical-context\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">lack of money doesn\u2019t make him a bad man<\/a>, nor does it mean his financial situation won\u2019t improve. We have to stop condemning others simply because their financial status differs from our own. We are more than our paychecks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-only-one-way-to-be-godly\">Only one way to be Godly<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<ol start=\"5\" class=\"wp-block-list\"><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Unfortunately, there are still Christian circles that believe there\u2019s only one way to be godly. The problem with that mindset is we are all individuals with different personalities and traits\u2014so how we express our faith won&#8217;t look the same. One woman may deeply love Jesus and also enjoy wearing makeup, hair extensions, nails, and stylish clothes. Another sincere Christian woman may prefer a simpler style with little to no makeup. Does that mean the simpler woman is more godly? Absolutely not. If both women are displaying the fruits of the Spirit, they are both pleasing to the Lord.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Some assume that if a man has tattoos, he must be rough around the edges\u2014or even a \u201cbad boy.\u201d But I\u2019ve seen men with face tattoos who love Jesus with all their hearts, and others without tattoos who live ungodly lives and have poor character. Godliness isn\u2019t determined by outward appearance; God looks at the heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-don-t-miss-out\">Don&#8217;t miss out<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Is it possible you\u2019re missing out on your future spouse because you\u2019re <a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/having-a-type\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">overly focused on how they look<\/a>? Just because someone doesn\u2019t dress like you doesn\u2019t mean they don\u2019t love Jesus. That kind of assumption could cause you to overlook the best person God has for you. We live in a materialistic world that constantly emphasizes physical appearance. Yes, attraction matters\u2014and you should be drawn to your spouse\u2014but it shouldn&#8217;t be the foundation of your relationship. Look at the heart. Look for fruit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ready to <a href=\"https:\/\/onelink.to\/websiteurl\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">meet some amazing Christian singles<\/a>? Download the SALT <a href=\"https:\/\/www.be-salt.com\/\">Christian dating app<\/a> today!\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This blog post differentiates gender roles in Christian dating that have come from the Bible versus those that have come from culture that only add to the pressure of Christian dating. TL;DR: The Summary How can Christian singles date in today\u2019s world without the pressure of rigid gender roles? How can we honor God in [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":2198,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[30,7,29],"class_list":["post-3015","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-singleness-and-dating","tag-all","tag-christian-dating-advice","tag-gender-roles"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.7 (Yoast SEO v27.8) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Gender Roles in Christian Dating: Too Much Pressure? - SALT &amp; Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do we extend biblical gender roles meant for marriage into our Christian dating? 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