{"id":2919,"date":"2025-05-28T07:49:59","date_gmt":"2025-05-28T07:49:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/?p=2919"},"modified":"2025-05-21T08:57:28","modified_gmt":"2025-05-21T08:57:28","slug":"dating-with-accountability","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/dating-with-accountability\/","title":{"rendered":"Dating With Accountability: Don&#8217;t Isolate Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In this blog post we discuss the importance of involving your community in dating to help you make wise decisions, be supported and have accountability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-tl-dr-the-summary\">TL;DR: The Summary<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Do you think it\u2019s okay to date within your community, or should you keep your budding romance to yourself until it\u2019s serious? How much is too much information to share? When do you share? Within the first few months of dating or until you two decide to be exclusive. A lot of questions and let\u2019s be honest, there are no hard-set rules on how, but we can create a few Christian dating guidelines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"#h-share-your-standards-openly\">Share your standards openly<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-involve-a-mentor-or-couple-you-admire\">Involve a mentor or couple you admire<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/h-regular-check-ins-with-friends\">Regular check-ins with friends<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-double-dates-or-group-settings\">Double dates or group settings<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#h-be-honest-about-your-dating-journey\">Be honest about your dating journey<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Again, you don\u2019t have to tell everything happening in your relationship. Even in marriage, there are boundaries that you\u2019ll need, even with well-meaning loved ones. However, let\u2019s not forget that who you choose to marry is crucial. While you two will be creating a new family unit, they are coming into your family and inner circle. Apart from strained relationships, they are going to interact with your best friends, parents, and anyone else you care about. So, keeping your friends and family out of it is not the best way. So how do you do this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Involving Your Church Community in Your Dating?\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/8m0H0mGFduI?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-intro\">Intro<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI want you to meet my mom, my dad, my best friend Holly, my brother Jeff, my cousin Susan, and don\u2019t forget my Uncle Fred, who\u2019s parking the car outside.\u201d I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve seen those movies and TV shows where usually the woman brings her entire tribe to meet her potential suitor\u2014on the first date. You must have compassion for the poor guy because he\u2019s sweating bullets in his chair and overwhelmed thinking <em>\u201cit\u2019s only the first date.\u201d<\/em> He wonders will he make it out of the place alive or will the father find him guilty of trying to pursue his daughter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">jThen there\u2019s the other extreme where people keep their relationships hidden in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.be-salt.com\/\">Christian dating<\/a>. There\u2019s the misconception that they know what they want and don\u2019t need the opinions of others. Sadly, they miss the blind spots that they have as opposed to having a trusted circle give their input on their relationship. Yes, some family and friends go too far and unfortunately some relationships never make past the first ninety days. However, if there is something toxic in the relationship, loved ones can point out the flaws in love. Not to control, but to give warning.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-share-your-standards-openly\">Share your standards openly<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cPlans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers&nbsp;they succeed.\u201d (Proverbs 15:22, NIV).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Most Christian singles don\u2019t always want to involve family in dating because that\u2019s where <a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/challenges-of-singleness\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">they feel the most pressure<\/a>. They keep hearing from loved ones \u201cWhen are you going to get married,\u201d \u201cyou\u2019re not getting any younger,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019d like grandbabies before I die.\u201d Some would rather not talk about it at all because it\u2019s too painful. They have no answers, especially if they\u2019re joining Christian dating websites and apps. How do you explain why you\u2019re still single when you know you\u2019re putting yourself out there?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-who-to-share-with\">Who to share with<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So yes, it\u2019s uncomfortable sometimes to talk about your love life with family and friends, but isolating isn\u2019t helpful either. The Bible tells us that we can succeed with many advisers. Does this require discernment? Yes. Can you be selective about how much you share? Yes. If your mother is not the best person to talk to, how about your best friend? You may not open your heart out to your sister, but what about your pastor at your church? The point is, having Godly dating advice can help you discern your growing relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-soon-to-share\">How soon to share<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">How soon should you share? You can tell friends that you\u2019re meeting someone for coffee or dinner, so they know you\u2019re safe in a public place. What shouldn\u2019t you do? Tell your friends that you think you met your spouse. How about instead saying \u201cI met someone interesting and we\u2019re getting to know each other. Keep me in prayer as I ask God to lead me in the right direction.\u201d Set the standard so you\u2019re not rushing, and your inner circle keeps you focused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-involve-a-mentor-or-couple-you-admire\">Involve a mentor or couple you admire<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For some Christian singles, being around married couples is a painful reminder of what they don\u2019t have. In the worst cases, some get offended thinking \u201cThey\u2019re married so they don\u2019t understand what I\u2019m going through.\u201d It\u2019s hard for some to take Christian dating advice from a couple who got married right out of high school and you\u2019re approaching your fortieth birthday\u2014still single. How can they possibly understand when you\u2019ve spent your adult life being single and they\u2019ve been married for twenty years already?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Still, allowing godly couples into your life can bring encouragement. Remember, anyone that\u2019s married used to be single. Sure, they may not have been single as long as you, but that doesn\u2019t mean that God can\u2019t speak through them to support you. Is it possible that we\u2019re missing out from married couples because our feelings have taken over, thinking they don\u2019t understand? Are your feelings valid, absolutely, but what message does God want to get through to you even if it\u2019s from someone you don\u2019t expect?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-my-story\">My story<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I recall a powerful conversation I heard from a married couple when I was a single woman. They were talking about the purpose of marriage and the lessons they\u2019d learned. While some were in the chat saying, \u201chere goes another married couple trying to lecture singles,\u201d but I took their words to heart. I remember hearing the wife say that \u201cGod will work through your spouse to bring another layer of healing. You can\u2019t marry just anyone since God cares too much about your wellbeing.\u201d I can attest that this is true. While I was doing the work to heal from my past prior to marriage, God works through my husband to help me even more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I even recall a conversation I had with my father, who\u2019s been married to my mother for forty years, giving me advice prior to marriage. He emphasized me supporting my husband even when I don\u2019t understand everything. Not bashing him when he makes mistakes but calling out the greatness in him. Inviting wisdom from others can help you spot things early on. Is it a fool proof method? No. Will your relationship unfold like your parents\u2019 or mentors\u2019 marriage? No, but not being defensive and willing to listen, God may give you the comfort that you\u2019re looking for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Married couples need singles and singles need married couples. There\u2019s no need for us to feel like we can\u2019t merge our lives together because we\u2019re in different seasons of life. Couples can pray and encourage the Christian singles in their dating life, while singles can glean from the wisdom of those who\u2019ve <a href=\"https:\/\/www.be-salt.com\/salt-stories\">met their godly spouse<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Prioritise Community BEFORE Finding a Spouse\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/laJLFg8vtXk?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-regular-check-ins-with-friends\">Regular check-ins with friends<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s easy to get excited about a new romance. If you\u2019re not careful, you can imagine the person as your spouse before you\u2019ve even started officially dating. It\u2019s understandable, especially if you\u2019ve been single for a long time. It\u2019s easy to think this person is \u201cthe one,\u201d but having regular check-ins with friends can help keep you centered. They can ask important questions to bring you back to reality. \u201cDo you know their family background?\u201d \u201cWhat are their goals in life?\u201d \u201cHow\u2019s their walk with God?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They\u2019re not asking these questions to burst your bubble, but they want to make sure you\u2019re taking your time. They love and care about you. When you hurt, they hurt so they don\u2019t want to see you go too far without doing your due diligence. It\u2019s possible that they may see some red flags without you realizing it. Why? You\u2019re too close to the situation and may not always see things objectively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-dating-the-bad-boy\">Dating the bad boy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It reminds me of a boy I dated back in high school. Typical \u201cbad boy\u201d unfortunately, and while I didn\u2019t involve my friends directly, he went to my church, so our families knew each other. My dad picked up on some things with him that I didn\u2019t see. Particularly how my then boyfriend treated his mother and disrespected her. My father told me, \u201cIf he doesn\u2019t respect his own mother, he won\u2019t respect you.\u201d Sadly, I didn\u2019t listen and for sure my boyfriend ended up disrespecting me. It not only crushed me, but in hindsight I felt foolish for not listening to the warnings of my father. He was only trying to protect me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you\u2019ve been blessed with a circle of godly friends who love and care about you, have regular check-ins about your potential relationship with them. If you feel the need to hide and be secretive, it may be a sign that it\u2019s not healthy. If it\u2019s God\u2019s will, everything will fall into place and those around you will see that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-double-dates-or-group-settings\">Double dates or group settings<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I know. You\u2019re an adult and don\u2019t necessarily need to be chaperoned. This doesn\u2019t mean that you can\u2019t be alone with your date, but why not include group settings occasionally too? If you\u2019ve moved forward to be exclusive, why not invite them to your church? An informal dinner with your friends? Do you know another couple that you can double date with?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Again, if you and this person end up moving long term, they\u2019re going to interact with your friends and loved ones. How will they be at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner? While there\u2019s a need for privacy, it should be balanced with a few group settings. Being isolated in a relationship, if not careful, can lead to <a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/avoid-tempting-situations-while-dating\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">tempting situations<\/a>. While there are exceptions to every rule, not every couple should travel alone together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-take-on-feedback\">Take on feedback<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Your inner circle can help you weigh the pros and cons of your decision. Ultimately, it\u2019s up to you, but having another perspective can help you keep your priorities intact. The problem is we live in a world that\u2019s easily offended. It\u2019s hard for us to hear the truth because, deep down, we don\u2019t want to hear it. How does the Bible instruct us to handle it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cBetter is open rebuke than a hidden love.\u201d (Proverbs 27:5, NIV).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The truth may be hard to hear after a group event, and your friend tells you that your date showed signs of control issues. Or your pastor sees your date after you invited them to a service and they pick up on signs of them being lukewarm, not fully committing to Jesus. It\u2019s difficult to hear the truth, especially when your feelings are growing for this person. You desperately want the relationship to work, so you may not be thinking clearly. That\u2019s the thing your community can pick up on. Let them tell you the truth in love and be open to their opinion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-weigh-up-feedback\">Weigh up feedback<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Take their word and pray about it. Ask God, \u201care you speaking through my community? Am I missing the red flags?\u201d Then again, the opposite can be true too. Maybe this is the relationship that God has for you. Your community confirms it, but you\u2019re afraid that it\u2019s too good to be true. Your friends and family are trying to help you not self-sabotage. They know your patterns of thinking that you\u2019re not enough and they encourage you to see it through. The point? Your community can keep you objective and help guide you in the right direction along with Holy Spirit. &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-be-honest-about-your-dating-journey\">Be honest about your dating journey<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you have a godly community, they care about your well-being and want the best for you. If you haven\u2019t been honest about where you are in your dating life, I encourage you to tell them. Be honest about where you are in dating and how you\u2019d like them to keep you accountable. Share that you want to honor God and don\u2019t want to do anything that would compromise that. &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You can also be honest about your discouragement in dating. Too many Christian singles want to give up, allowing the enemy to shame them in their heads as to why they\u2019re not married. Some even consider praying to God about taking away their desire for marriage. It\u2019s easy to go down a downward spiral and your inner circle can bring you back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They won\u2019t let you talk down to yourself about how you\u2019re unlovable. They\u2019ll remind you of your worth in Christ. How He first loved you and gave His only son to die for your sins. They\u2019ll pray for you when you\u2019re weary from dating. They\u2019ll be the ones to come over to your home and give you a pick-me-up, whether that\u2019s bringing over dinner or your favorite dessert.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-lean-on-your-community\">Lean on your community<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You have a support system, so be willing to be vulnerable. You can tell them you\u2019re tired of the dating scene. You can tell them that you\u2019re scared that the relationship is too good to be true and you\u2019re asking God to give you discernment.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s not good to isolate yourself in any capacity, but especially in dating. Let your community be the hands and feet of Jesus, ready to give you sound counsel and wisdom. You don\u2019t have to take all their advice. Always take their words back to your prayer closet and ask God for further revelation. There\u2019s no foolproof method for dating. There\u2019s no formula to guarantee you\u2019ll find a spouse using accountability, but you can increase your chances of dating with wisdom. If someone is going to come into your life, remember that it also involves your inner circle. You want to make sure it\u2019s a good fit as best you can.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/onelink.to\/websiteurl\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Ready to meet someone<\/a> to potentially introduce to your community? Download the SALT app for your next date! &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In this blog post we discuss the importance of involving your community in dating to help you make wise decisions, be supported and have accountability. TL;DR: The Summary Do you think it\u2019s okay to date within your community, or should you keep your budding romance to yourself until it\u2019s serious? How much is too much [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":2204,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[30,7,15],"class_list":["post-2919","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-singleness-and-dating","tag-all","tag-christian-dating-advice","tag-church"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.7 (Yoast SEO v27.8) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Dating With Accountability: Don&#039;t Isolate Yourself - SALT &amp; Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Involving your community in dating can add accountability. 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