Here’s some advice from the single Christians of SALT about how to date well as a Christian introvert.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is gonna sound weird, but follow me here: I love playing Magic the Gathering on my own. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Forget being nerdy \u2013 I\u2019m next-level. Magic is a social card game, meant to be played with 4 players over a coffee or a beer. It\u2019s literally in the title \u2013 the Gathering. But for me, it\u2019s Magic the Scattering, because I can\u2019t wait for my friends to go home so I can just play with my cards alone and pretend I\u2019m summoning a huge creature from the abyss to take out all my opponents. Like all good 37-year olds like doing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Okay so maybe it is<\/em> a little weird, but you get the idea: I like my alone time. I recharge from being by myself and spend that energy when I\u2019m with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It should come as no surprise, then, when I say that first dates can be daunting. I don\u2019t know the other person (really), the stakes are high, both of us are eyeing each other up for red flags and, although hoping for connection, not feeling very hopeful. And for me, a self-described loner, first dates are riddled with fear – from years of believing the worst about myself because I assumed I wasn\u2019t cool enough or interesting enough or just not normal<\/em> enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Robert from SALT SOCIAL said it best:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBeing introverted amplifies rejection \u2013 it\u2019s harder to initiate conversations. I hate small talk with a passion. It can be really disheartening!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n So why am I like this? <\/p>\n\n\n\n I wasn\u2019t an only child (although my brother is a fair bit younger than me). I\u2019m not a bitter person or a passionless one \u2013 if anything, I get too<\/em> into things and pour my whole heart and soul into them, even silly little unimportant hobbies. I\u2019m not a judgmental person at all, I accept people from all walks of life and love seeing what the apostle Paul calls the \u201cmanifold wisdom of God\u201d through His church (Eph 3:10).<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m sure there\u2019s more self-analysis I could do (lol), but for now I\u2019ve come to the conclusion that this might just be the life of an introvert. It\u2019s a lonely life sometimes, but it\u2019s the only one I know. I\u2019ll hang out with friends, enjoy it (if they\u2019re my people<\/em>), but be thinking the whole time about how I\u2019m going to head out the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Katrina summed it up poignantly:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAs an introvert, I have no idea if the person I\u2019m on a date with is interested in me because I’m so focused on an exit strategy from whatever social situation I\u2019m in\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n First dates are just an anxiety-riddled speedbump on my journey to find a partner. And all of this really makes me feel like there\u2019s something deeply wrong with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It doesn\u2019t help that in Christendom, in an attempt at becoming the people God calls us to be, we often spiritualize and demonize things about people and ourselves, rather than accept people for who they are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cFear, anxiety, worry, self-pity, self-absorption, lack of confidence, rejection – all are contributors. None of this is from God, in fact they\u2019re demonic spirits that oppress<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n -Gabbie<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe lack of communication skills from introverts is just passivity masquerading as a personality.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n -Thomas<\/p>\n\n\n\n Demon-possessed? Passive? I can\u2019t just be myself if I want to follow Jesus \u2013 I have to be better? Yes. Always better. Always stronger. Always someone besides myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy advice for dating? Do your best but don’t pretend to be someone else! You won’t be able to sustain a fake persona for long.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Allison<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s why (shameless plug) it was a breath of fresh air when I discovered SALT for the first time. After years of wandering aimlessly, I\u2019ve now found a home in my amazing wife who I met on SALT.\u00a0 Being able to match with people<\/a> who I know share my values and chat online without that first date pressure made getting to know her a lot less awkward and a lot more fun.\u00a0 She\u2019s smart, hilarious, gorgeous, and most importantly – she totally understands (and even shares!) my need for space and \u201cme time\u201d.\u00a0 I can sit on my own in the evening with my Magic cards and she is happy to do her thing too.\u00a0 I never would have hit the jackpot like that through traditional Christian dating methods.<\/p>\n\n\n\nThe Advice<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
More Advice For Introverts<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Online Dating For Introverts<\/h2>\n\n\n\n