{"id":2867,"date":"2025-03-26T13:41:37","date_gmt":"2025-03-26T13:41:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/?p=2867"},"modified":"2025-11-12T14:10:18","modified_gmt":"2025-11-12T14:10:18","slug":"sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/sex\/","title":{"rendered":"Sex At Its Best: Sexual Boundaries in Christian Dating"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I can hear you talking, you know\u2026 you\u2019re asking \u201cwhy even talk about this, isn\u2019t it obvious that Christians are <a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/had-sex-before-marriage\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">meant to wait until marriage to have sex<\/a>?\u201d\u00a0 Dear reader, if it were that simple, we wouldn\u2019t see so many problems in the church with sexual deviancy and immorality.\u00a0 We at SALT care a lot about facilitating relationships, and we want people not just to meet each other, but do it well.\u00a0 So let\u2019s talk about the importance of sexual boundaries in relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Christians probably think their understanding of sexuality and what\u2019s okay and what\u2019s not comes from one source \u2013 the Bible.&nbsp; I think you might be surprised to know that our concepts of sexuality are in reality so heavily influenced by not only our upbringing, but also our culture and our own personal convictions.&nbsp; It can be a real minefield to navigate!&nbsp; The church often teaches purity, which seems like the right intent, however it\u2019s been shown to be harmful at times due to the shame and unrealistic expectations that come along with it.&nbsp; Contrast this with the world\u2019s lackadaisical approach to sex that\u2019s all around us and it\u2019s no wonder Christians are having a hard time navigating it all!&nbsp; So I\u2019ll do my best to bring a little bit of perspective and hopefully some important revelation to the topic based on my own experience and understanding of scripture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"How to Embrace Your Sexuality AND Stay Pure\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/kHzNUgy_jKM?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-sex-is-good\"><strong>Sex is Good<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The first thing that needs to be established (and hopefully everyone can agree with) is that sex itself is not sinful or evil.&nbsp; We are born with these God-given desires to have sex, reproduce, have intimacy with our partner, and also have fun!&nbsp; But it\u2019s important that we understand not only what God\u2019s will for us regarding sexuality, but also <em>why<\/em> we should do things his way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Maybe let\u2019s look at the Bible for some clues, shall we?&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">1 Thessalonians 4:3-8:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>It is God\u2019s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;&nbsp;and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to lead a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his holy spirit.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-lust-is-bad\"><strong>Lust is Bad<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The Bible seems to make an awful stink about this <a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/lust-vs-attraction\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">concept of <em>lust<\/em><\/a> and how it violates love and is akin to <em>sexual immorality<\/em>.&nbsp; Oxford dictionary defines lust as \u201cstrong sexual desire\u201d or \u201cstrong sexual desire for someone\u201d.&nbsp; But Matt, you may ask, didn\u2019t you just say that these desires we have are natural and from God?&nbsp; Why, yes, they are!&nbsp; Which is why we have to understand what the Bible means when it says \u201clust\u201d and what makes it distinct from just raw sexual desire, which is innate to our humanity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-history-lesson\">History lesson<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The first thing we have to understand is that sexuality in the Roman culture that much of the New Testament was written in was approached very different than today\u2019s culture.&nbsp; Today we by-and-large view sexuality as being between two consensual adults (typically a man and a woman), who engage in whatever acts they desire to fulfil their wants and needs (and hopefully the others\u2019, too!).&nbsp; In Roman culture, sex wasn\u2019t about mutual gratification, but had more to do with power &#8211; men would often use sex to assert their dominance.&nbsp; Today we would frown on that mentality because we view women as equal human beings to men and not meant to be just used for male gratification, but back then women were not even considered full human beings, never mind sexually autonomous individuals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So when the Bible talks about lust, we have to understand that at the very least it\u2019s talking about using sexuality selfishly, rather than using it as an expression of love.&nbsp; That\u2019s why the above verse says to not take advantage of someone else sexually or be swept up in passion, but to control yourself.&nbsp; Jesus came and died for all, and he loves everyone \u2013 man, woman, child \u2013 everyone.&nbsp; This intrinsic love for all people is the foundation of Biblical boundaries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-distortions-of-god-s-best\">Distortions of God&#8217;s Best<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s also why any deviations to God\u2019s design for sex between man and woman in marriage are sinful and selfish. They are not God&#8217;s best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/what-does-the-bible-say-about-sex-before-marriage\/\">Premarital sex<\/a> <\/strong>says that sex without commitment is okay. But God created sex for marriage to reflect His love, not to be used casually.&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/is-masturbation-a-sin\/\">Masturbation<\/a><\/strong> points to instant gratification and personal gain, serving the individual over the relationship.&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/should-i-date-if-i-have-a-pornography-addiction\/\">Pornography<\/a> <\/strong>makes an object out of sex for profit and exploitation. This degrades people and encourages dangerous sexual behaviour.&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/nrb.ttm.mybluehost.me\/will-people-see-me-as-impure-if-ive-been-abused\/\">Rape<\/a> <\/strong>says that sex can be taken or is owed. When consent is disregarded and manipulation enters &#8211; sex becomes abuse.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is not what God made sex for. He created sex to be good, enjoyable, bonding, self-giving and life making &#8211; in marriage. This is sex at its best!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-marriage-matters\"><strong>Marriage Matters<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Now the question comes in \u2013 we understand that sex is meant to be a more selfless and loving act rather than an expression of power or taking someone from the other person, but <em>when<\/em> is sex okay?&nbsp; The Bible talks a lot about how marriage \u2013 two people committed to one another for life \u2013 is the best and most holy place for sex.&nbsp; This makes sense logically also, because choosing to have sex outside of marriage creates three main problems that don\u2019t have easy solutions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Unwanted pregnancy<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Sexually-transmitted diseases<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Emotional damage<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-unwanted-pregnancy\"><em>Unwanted Pregnancy<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Having sex outside of marriage, even if you use protection, can still lead to a pregnancy.&nbsp; Shocker, I know.&nbsp; The world is littered with people who have to raise a child as a teenager or on their own, and although they love their child immensely, they often have to give up some of their dreams and desires in life, drop everything and become a parent before they\u2019re ready.&nbsp; Even if you\u2019re in a relationship, you probably don\u2019t want to consider having children until you\u2019re married and committed to one another, otherwise you may end up in a similar scenario.&nbsp; The only real solution to stop this is sexual abstinence outside of marriage.&nbsp; This applies to women but also to the men, who still morally and legally must take responsibility for a child they helped conceive.&nbsp; These decisions affect everyone, and it can affect the children involved the most!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-sexually-transmitted-diseases\"><em>Sexually-transmitted diseases<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Something that Christians often don\u2019t like to talk about (likely due to the effects of purity culture) is the impact of potentially deadly sexually-transmitted diseases such as Hepatitis C\/B and HIV\/AIDS.&nbsp; Having sex (even protected sex) can lead to the transmission of these diseases &#8211; even from oral sex!&nbsp; Do your research on these diseases and you will conclude that you will want nothing to do with them.&nbsp; Better to wait until you\u2019re in a committed lifetime relationship because you know neither of you will be having sex with anyone else.&nbsp; And if either of you have a sexual past, it\u2019s okay to get tested and make sure you know what you\u2019re getting into!&nbsp; Better safe than sorry, and another important reason why waiting until marriage is probably your best bet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-emotional-damage\"><em>Emotional damage<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This one is often downplayed by people outside the church, but they\u2019re only lying to themselves \u2013 having sex is incredible emotional and very intimate.&nbsp; There\u2019s something powerful and meaningful about sex, whether it be cultural, spiritual, or biological.&nbsp; When you join yourself with another person in an act of sex, you\u2019re putting your walls down and trusting them, and allowing them access into a very personal and very holistic side of you that should only be reserved for the person you share the depths of your soul with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s the reason very few people are okay with cheating on their spouse or being cheated on \u2013 it\u2019s a violation of trust and a betrayal of that intimacy that you share.&nbsp; Having sex outside of marriage makes it easier to develop this intimacy with someone before that commitment is there, which often leads to one or both parties getting hurt in some way and having a hard time moving on.&nbsp; That\u2019s why Song of Songs 2:7 recommends that you \u201cnot arose or awaken love until it so desires\u201d \u2013 aka when you have that commitment to one another.&nbsp; It\u2019s better for all involved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-boundaries-in-dating\"><strong>Boundaries in Dating<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So what is okay and what\u2019s not before you\u2019re married?&nbsp; No one can set this boundary for you or define it because it\u2019s not about \u201cthe rules\u201d and not violating them, it\u2019s about understanding God\u2019s heart and the <em>why<\/em> of sexuality that we can make decisions from.&nbsp; And for that, you need to seek the Lord, know what you are okay with and what you\u2019re not, and most importantly <em>communicate<\/em> those desires with your partner.&nbsp; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you&#8217;re looking to <a href=\"https:\/\/onelink.to\/websiteurl\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">find a godly partner<\/a> who aligns with your views on sex, you should try SALT <a href=\"https:\/\/www.be-salt.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Christian dating app<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sex is based on consent and communication, and it\u2019s not okay to make assumptions that the other person may not be okay with.&nbsp; We must not be ignorant, saints, of the impact sexual activity outside of marriage can have on our lives and the lives of others and make decisions that best uphold God\u2019s love.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I can hear you talking, you know\u2026 you\u2019re asking \u201cwhy even talk about this, isn\u2019t it obvious that Christians are meant to wait until marriage to have sex?\u201d\u00a0 Dear reader, if it were that simple, we wouldn\u2019t see so many problems in the church with sexual deviancy and immorality.\u00a0 We at SALT care a lot [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":2488,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[30,27],"class_list":["post-2867","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sex","tag-all","tag-sexuality"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v28.2 (Yoast SEO v28.2) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Sex At Its Best: Sexual Boundaries in Christian Dating - SALT &amp; 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